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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP repeatedly told me to 'fuck off' in his sleep!

105 replies

PatButchersEarring · 23/03/2022 17:23

Hi,
I don't know what to make of this really.
Sunday afternoon, DP went out to watch the football. Apparently had 5 cans of beer.
Came home around 7. Was slightly tipsy, but certainly not steaming drunk.
We both had a glass of wine in the evening and went to bed together about 9.30. Cuddled up and went to sleep.
Around 12.30am, I woke up and DP was laying across the bed leaving me with little room. I (nicely) tried to wake him to get him to move over a little. He couldn't be woken easily, so I kept trying as I was really squashed. He was like a dead weight. He then kind of stirred so I asked him to budge over. He said 'you've got loads of room. Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off.' Eventually, I said 'Stop it!' in a very firm voice, he stirred a little more and did move enough for me to be comfortable.
The next day, he goes to kiss me etc as though nothing has happened. I am obviously upset by the incident and told him so- he cannot remember a thing about it/didn't know it had happened!
He has apologised profusely and said that he was unconscious whilst saying it- not helped by having had quite a few drinks earlier. We have discussed the drink issue element of this and he is saying he will cut back. He has had other sleep/drink related issues in the past- weeing in cupboards etc- Not often, but it has happened and he has never said unpleasant stuff in his sleep before.
As I say, he has apogised, but I am struggling to get over it. It has really upset and shaken me.
How do I get over this? Overall, our relationship is fairly solid, but this was horrible!

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 23/03/2022 21:56

I'd definitely tell DP to fuck off if he started nudging me awake in the middle of the night - drink or no drink.

CatherinedeBourgh · 23/03/2022 22:03

Dh and I both talk in our sleep and have said some ridiculous things.

In a similar situation to yours, I asked him to move over. He said no. I said 'why not?' He answered 'coz I'm comfy'

He did wake up a few minutes later when i got uncontrollable giggles and was very apologetic.

RockinHorseShit · 23/03/2022 22:05

I'm glad you've calmed down OP.

My teenage self once woke up the whole household as I was singing "the hills are alive with the sound of music" whilst banging around trying to climb up my bedroom wall.

DB used to regularly sleepwalk & wee where he shouldn't & that was without any drink🥴 though your DH does need to sort himself out & cut back if that's only drink related too

I've also punched DH in the face once when he tried to wake me up & got too close to my face with his face o shout in my ear 🥴. Thankfully he thought it hilarious & now keeps his distance

HeDidWhattt · 23/03/2022 22:08

You can’t take what people say in their sleep, that’s not fair and they don’t know their doing it. I don’t verbally abuse anyone, especially with swear words but I’ve said some nasty thing to my DH when his tried to move me over or take me upstairs when I fall asleep on the sofa.
You don’t know your doing it and it’s not how you would text if you was conscious.

Ejk1990 · 23/03/2022 22:32

I sleep talk all the time and usually its to tell my husband off. I'm asleep, I have no clue what I'm saying. I once told him to stop bringing the Christmas baubles to bed 🤣

Seriously he has said sorry, move on.

Sunnytwobridges · 23/03/2022 22:50

My ex was a “ mean” sleeping person. If you tried to get him to move from the sofa to the bed he would be nasty , sometimes swatting at me to leave him alone. However he was a prick most of the when he was awake so I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything different when he was asleep

VampireMoney · 23/03/2022 22:58

He was asleep. I say all sorts in my sleep. I remember an ex boyfriend used to shout expletives at me randomly during the night, like sleep Tourette's. I didn't take it to heart, and I can't understand why you have. He apologised, move on.

LabRat90 · 23/03/2022 23:03

Bloody hell, when I used to work a lot more hours I would wake up screaming that there were coconut crabs on the ceiling or some other 8-legged invasion.

Don't think he ever took that as a threat or promise or anything thankfully. I didn't ever remember anything the next day.

Nonibaloni · 23/03/2022 23:13

Early on in my parents relationship my dad did the move over move over thing to my mum, she shifted over then he kept on about closing the gap, make space on and on. Eventually she stopped being polite and British about it and asked what he was playing at. He was in the FA cup final, it was a free kick (or what have you) and she wasn’t being any use covering goal. (Let’s not get Freudian with that one). So that was a sharing space one that sort of makes sense in context but what bonkers.
I am also a crazy sleeper and if DH has to wake me he stands well back because I come up swinging if startled.

Holothane · 23/03/2022 23:15

Dh said fuck off in sleep I howled silently it made me laugh.

Took · 23/03/2022 23:28

My DH has had many conversations with me but all in his sleep! He can seem totally with it but he's really not.

I'll be driven mad with his snoring and say something like, "I'm going to put a pillow over your face and murder you," and he'll be all, "aye, that’s fine. Wait, who? No, you shut up!" Grin

We can bicker for minutes and he never remembers a thing!
I wouldn’t take what he said, while asleep, to heart. It really doesn’t mean he meant those things. He really wasn’t aware of you really.

JessieLongleg · 24/03/2022 00:04

My husband has woken me up and I've told him I've got a appointment and to leave me and can't remember. Chat rubbish in my sleep. Can't hold it against someone. I've tried to be aware of the duvet hogging and telling him to fuck off I'm not giving you any lol

CthulhuInDisguise · 24/03/2022 00:30

I told my date that I loved him while I was asleep. It was our first date after meeting online two days previously. In hindsight I was telling him the truth (I've fallen hard and fast for him) but I was mortified that he heard it. I have no reason to disbelieve him either because I did exactly the same thing to my late DH the first night we slept together...

Smilersam · 24/03/2022 01:25

I've done a lot worse sober in my sleep unfortunately for DH, get over it, you no doubt will do something in your sleep in future.

ShaneTwane · 24/03/2022 01:30

Sleep talking is hilarious. my dp is incredibly aggressive and tells me to fuck off in his sleep he also screams what the fuck are you doing?! If I try and take a bit of duvet. I just call him a wanker and laugh.

UserError012345 · 24/03/2022 02:23

What's your relationship like OP? Has the sleep talking made you paranoid because you're not in a good place and you're thinking he means it ?

If you're good, then I'd write it off.

Scottishskifun · 24/03/2022 02:31

Whilst not pleasant for you he was asleep or in semi conscious mode so wouldn't have known what he was saying.

My DH can have full conservations sober in his sleep which then flip into random things and occasionally can be rude or mean. He is not aware of it at all and is embarrassed and upset if I tell him about it the following day.

Your doing the equivalent of being pissed off at him because of a dream you had it's not controllable. Let it go and move on

asdfghjkl13 · 24/03/2022 06:06

Look At the things going on in the world. Get a grip ffs

SoloSunrise · 24/03/2022 06:21

My husband isn't a drinker and he's very sweet natured most of the time. When he's asleep and I disturb him he sounds very irritable though. Like if I get up to pee, it's, what are you doing?! Or fgs what's going on!!
He never remembers, because he doesnt actually wake up. It's now a bit of a standing joke. But I've known him a very long time and our relationship is good. Did startle me the first couple of times.
It sounds like it was similar for you (with riper language)
I'd say as long as he's OK when he's awake, you're all right Flowers

rosamacrose · 24/03/2022 06:36

@UnderTheSkyInsideTheSea

The correct response would have been ‘Fuck off yourself, you drunk, starfishing twat. Now shove over and give me some room.’
Grin
AllTheWeetabix · 24/03/2022 06:38

You need to grow the fuck up.

You sound precious and pathetic.

GayParis · 24/03/2022 06:38

You're shaken because your husband told you to fuck off in his sleep?

You need a thicker skin, that's honestly ridiculous.

veevee04 · 24/03/2022 06:42

I've sworn at my OH cried , called him a twat told him to fuck off in my sleep I vaguely remember it. I've even told DD to go away and shut up it's hypnogogic hallucinations. I can't help it I don't mean to do it.

Baconking · 24/03/2022 07:22

@Ellejay67

Blimey I haven't been on here for years. Came back on recently as been having problems. Interesting to see thise with the same problems, unpleasant to see some of the bitchy replies. Shame. If your DP just said eff off I'd be inclined to say ignore it, but he was conscious enough to about how much room you had. If you don't like it, discuss it with him. Lucky if you have a spare room.....
Just because he responded to the OP asking him to move over doesn't mean he was awake and understanding what was happening.

The OP's words could have entered his dream in another form so he would not have necessarily been responding to her but to the words.

Like when your alarm goes off and in your dream it's the fire alarm/doorbell etc.

iknowthismuchis · 24/03/2022 07:24

Unnecessarily aggressive @AllTheWeetabix - especially considering OP had posted to say she's acknowledged the responses and changed perspective