At the start (ish) of our relationship my boyf was unfaithful when I was away at university a few years back. It was with a close female friend and It went on for four months, so it wasn't a one-time bad decision.
I don't want to type out my life story, but it was really just God awful. He handled it appallingly at the time. Textbook shambles.
I left for nearly a year, and while it took him a very long time and a lot of sacrifices to put our life back together it would be fair to say he has been tireless in making amends and years on we are together.
I had so many doubts, but years on, he has made me very happy. If you looked at our relationship you'd characterise it as great. He's supported and looked after me and I don't think I can recall a day where he's not been loving and tried all he can to put it right.
We own a house together now. We're getting married. He looks back on that time in his life and says he feels disgust. Says he was young, drinking too much, had a weak ego and accepted the attention and I know he'd do anything to undo that year and all his choices. I think he's grown up and learned a lot and not in a million years do I think he'd ever do it again.
But despite being happy, I get very sad still. I find it hard to deal with the lies, betrayals, completely crap character and the fact that he was ultimately unfaithful and disloyal to the highest order. Sometimes I just get so sad about it. I think he still carries a massive amount of shame and guilt and that makes me sad too.
I am not even sure what the point of my post is, but I just feel very lonely sometimes because of this sadness. I know we have a good life and I shouldn't moan, but I carry this grief around still.
To those who stayed after an affair, did it always hurt like this?