Scared

[Fourhorses]

My husband and I are separating. We talked tonight about preparing the house for sale. Our marriage is dead and I feel like I’m going out of my mind. I’ve seen a therapist for a year and I still cannot trust my feelings. I feel like I’m going out of my mind. That I’ve made the whole thing up, that I’m destroying everything. It’s like me life since marriage has just been surreal. I am so scared.

@Grimsknee No one has understood like that before thank you

No worries @fourhorses.
You really need to work on those beliefs that are keeping you trapped!

I sure do. Some days I am pumped and then others I am completely overwhelmed.

OP from reading this thread I take from it that your marriage is destroying your MH. I'm wondering if you need some support with your MH ie meds whilst you exit this relationship? Your posts read like you're very distressed to the point where it's impacting on your ability to function normally and make decisions etc. I'm not suggesting that you're mentally ill, just that as you're already having therapy you might need some additional help to get you through this phase of life. I'm sure once you're single again you'll rapidly heal from this experience and get back to being yourself.

Not all relationships go the full distance, they come to a natural end, it doesn't mean the relationship was a mistake. He will still be part of your life, look at it as a fresh start, a different chapter of your life, its natural to feel anxious about the unfamiliar, but things have a way of working out.

I’m feeling exactly the same as you and going through the same thing.

My mind is going a thousand miles an hour and our whole relationship is flashing in front of my eyes. I feel sick all the time.

I also have arrived at separation alongside my husband and he is moving out this week. But I love him still and it hurts deeply.

Also your description of disappearing over time resonates so much.

It has helped me to much to read joe you are feeling as they are a mirror to mine.

@BlueSummerBaby

OP from reading this thread I take from it that your marriage is destroying your MH. I'm wondering if you need some support with your MH ie meds whilst you exit this relationship? Your posts read like you're very distressed to the point where it's impacting on your ability to function normally and make decisions etc. I'm not suggesting that you're mentally ill, just that as you're already having therapy you might need some additional help to get you through this phase of life. I'm sure once you're single again you'll rapidly heal from this experience and get back to being yourself.

Thanks Blue Summer. I tried this in the Autumn, took a low dose of antidepressants but stopped in Feb, they drained me of my energy which was making everything even harder, I have felt much better and clearer since I stopped taking them. They just didn’t suit me. I also feel like feeling all the feelings over the next while will in the long run help me process everything. Yes, I’ve never worried about my mental health before, but this marriage business has completely thrown me.

I have learned a lot about myself though.

I totally agree with this. I guess it’s the difference between a relationship and what you intend for marriage and family life. I think I’m okay with it or at least getting there. It’s the upheavel and more transient life for the kids that makes me sad.

Sending you hugs, it has utterly consumed me so I really know how you’re feeling. Turns out I’m much more emotional and sentimental than pragmatic. As Jerry Maguire said ‘I’m all heart’!! There are brief moments when things feel clear and calm, if you get those just treasure them xx

@Fourhorses

I totally agree with this. I guess it’s the difference between a relationship and what you intend for marriage and family life. I think I’m okay with it or at least getting there. It’s the upheavel and more transient life for the kids that makes me sad.

For Moonface

@Fourhorses

Sending you hugs, it has utterly consumed me so I really know how you’re feeling. Turns out I’m much more emotional and sentimental than pragmatic. As Jerry Maguire said ‘I’m all heart’!! There are brief moments when things feel clear and calm, if you get those just treasure them xx

For grenola

It’s so destructive to stay in a relationship that isn’t at least mostly good. If he can’t or won’t be emotionally responsive, there is no point and it obviously isn’t going to change.
It may well be a struggle to get out, but it’s for the best.

Your post helped me summer the positivity to get thorough the evening.

Another day is here… x

Lat night we ended up having a row about selling our house, two prospective houses to buy and his lack of thought or input into what we can do to safeguard ourselves and the children.

This followed with a text today while he was working saying that he wants to take me out to dinner on Sat (first time in at least four years) so we can have a laugh. That he terrified of the awkwardness and we should just pretend to be other people (??). He doesn’t want to let go he says.

I felt nothing but confusion by the message. I totally recognise the goodwill but for some reasons it only highlighted the gulf between us. And of course my own self doubt followed quickly with what the f!!k is wrong with me!!!

I had a good chat with my parents over the weekend to rally some support. But it ended up in just fearmongering about the future.

I can relate to that…. I’ve chosen to not engage in chat with my mum because she will just stress me out with the negatives and minute details.

How do you feel this morning?
My husband gets the keys to his flat and we are telling the kids after.

I feel sick and wierd but relief too

I really need a hand hold. I’ve never felt so alone. This is really happening? My poor kids. I feel like I have f&&ked my life and everyones.

@Fourhorses

I really need a hand hold. I’ve never felt so alone. This is really happening? My poor kids. I feel like I have f&&ked my life and everyones.

So sorry you're feeling low! What's the situation at the moment? Are you still living together?

Yes. We live in a family home of his we have inherited. So financially okay. But never dreamt we’d have to sell here, I feel like it’s all my fault that it has come to this. He is going to move out, I’d prefer if it was me in ways, as I am going to be living in a big house in the middle of nowhere that doesn’t feel like my home.

It all looks so bleak from here. I was I had the self belief I used to have years ago.

-*wish

Also I feel like I’ve screwed up his dreams of building a life here, even though it’s never been happy. I feel like I am totally destabilising my children’s lives.