Ghosted after a first date

[Brightstar29]

I met this guy a few weeks ago on a night out, so not through old which makes a change from the norm these days. So we had already spoken in person and knew there was attraction there. From then we were sending each other about 5-10 text messages per day and met up a couple of nights ago at a casual pub for food and drinks on his suggestion. I offered to pay my half for things but he wouldn’t have it and insisted on paying. Had a really good time, we both agreed there was a connection and lots of flirting too, both agreed we wanted to meet up again and ended with a kiss.

Since then however radio silence from him. I sent a text yesterday saying thanks for the night I had a really nice time but no response which I find rude. I know yesterday wasn’t long ago but normally replies would be quicker so it’s a change in pattern. I just find it very strange, my only theory is that maybe he just wanted one thing and didn’t get it straight away (he’s not long out of a serious relationship), I’m not opposed to having something casual but I still prefer to get to know someone a bit before I jump into bed with them. Rationally I know it’s probably not anything to do with me but still a bit damaging to my ego.

I don't think it's really being ghosted after just one date. It just means he doesn't want another date and isn't interested in staying in touch. And rather than say exactly that he's decided to not reply.

Op, he was expecting you to sleep with him , he was putting the work in with all those texts .. likely doesn’t want to waste his time anymore. Just move on x

[quote Hausa]@ImJustMadAboutSaffron “Rationally I know it’s probably not anything to do with me but still a bit damaging to my ego” seems overly invested to me.[/quote]
I think that happens, "invested" or not. A guy I'd met briefly twice didn't want a date with me and I was very miffed. I wasn't invested though. It was impossible after meeting him twice. It's an ego thing sometimes.

PS: Good thing he wasn't as I later discovered he was married!

Funny thing is if I’d had got to know him more I probably would have slept with him and been happy with casual. It’s because I’m a bit funny about having someone I have only met twice stay over at my house which is likely what would have happened if we had slept together after the last date. He probs didn’t want to wait around for that though.

I've been put with people before and enjoyed myself and wanted to see them again, then woken up the next morning and just thought 'nah' - things are different when you've slept on them, sounds like he just wasn't that into it

There may not have been a spark but he shouldn't have talked about another date then or messaged you afterwards telling you.

Only accept something casual if it is what you truly want op. (With anyone not necessarily him)

He probably started speaking more to another person. It's happened to me. No response is closure. If he liked you he would be messaging you. Move on. He wasn't right for you, so go and get on better with someone else.

Who knows what's going on here and whether he's seeing other people, just wanted a shag, is getting back with his ex, didn't like your teeth, has lost his phone, or has been killed by rats...

The point is he hasn't messaged you and unless there's a very genuine reason for it, yes, it is rude, but that seems to be the way many people deal with things these days.

Some people do it because they don't know how to say 'Sorry, I'm not interested', some because they're afraid of a lashing and some because they are just plain rude.

I wouldnt be surprised if you do hear from him again, when it suits him to have you as an option.

People say all sorts of things in the moment which may not be the case later on. You got over invested without having met this person. Online chatting and phone calls prior to meeting them multiple times in the flesh isn't the same. Unfortunately there was a case of false 'intimacy ' created and that's why most probably you're feeling hurt.