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Original poster

29/M - 34/F

85 replies

Trippingslippingx1 · 18/03/2022 09:44

Been speaking to a 29 year old all week from OLD
I have made it fairly clear I am not looking for FWB Casual but LTR with someone (without sounding desperate - mind you I think being fairly clear about what you want makes you sound less desperate)

Anyway I have never dated someone 6 years younger.

Will he take me seriously or is he probably just looking for a shag?

OP posts:
ravenmum · 18/03/2022 10:08

Anyone might just be looking for a shag - but why would he not take you seriously? If he didn't like the look of you he wouldn't want a date. It's a minor age difference. He's unlikely to be thinking "Wow, she could be my grandmother but I'll shut my eyes and at least get a shag".

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 18/03/2022 10:10

@ravenmum

Anyone might just be looking for a shag - but why would he not take you seriously? If he didn't like the look of you he wouldn't want a date. It's a minor age difference. He's unlikely to be thinking "Wow, she could be my grandmother but I'll shut my eyes and at least get a shag".
Fair enough. And he did call me ‘young lady’ on the phone last night 😂 - I do look young for my age I guess
OP posts:
ravenmum · 18/03/2022 10:11

With that comment I'd be wondering if he'd lied about his age and was actually 70...

ravenmum · 18/03/2022 10:12

If you meet up with him, can we take bets on whether he really is 29? 😂

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 18/03/2022 10:14

@ravenmum

With that comment I'd be wondering if he'd lied about his age and was actually 70...
😂 Its unbelievable - he comes across as so much older but he is definately his age

My friend is obsessed with me dating an ‘older guy’ but any guy I have met over the age of 33 in my city who is never married without children is usually someone with a reason behind it (not being nasty towards them, they just have issues) and should be left alone. Not ALL of them before someone who met a perect 37 year old man and it all worked out / its just my expierence.

OP posts:
Freddy12 · 18/03/2022 10:20

Don’t worry overly
My wife is 5 years older been together 13 years married 10 we are older me being 57

DirectionToPerfection · 18/03/2022 10:26

It's a five year gap, that's not significant unless you're in your teens/early 20s.

I bet you wouldn't even think about questioning the age gap if you were chatting to a 39yo man.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/03/2022 10:29

So you're a fully grown adult wanting to date a fully grown adult your own age and wondering if it's OK?

Siepie · 18/03/2022 10:34

I don't think 29 and 34 is a massive difference. They're generally at about the same stage of life. Obviously I don't know about this man specifically, but I don't think all 29 year olds are just looking for a shag.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 18/03/2022 10:36

DH is 6 years younger than me. Really not much of an issue down at your end of the age spectrum.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 18/03/2022 10:36

@DirectionToPerfection

It's a five year gap, that's not significant unless you're in your teens/early 20s.

I bet you wouldn't even think about questioning the age gap if you were chatting to a 39yo man.

This is a very fair point and reflects my own internalised misogynoy - I have dated plenty of 38/39 year olds and not thought twice about it. Double standards internalised.

You dont even realise it until someone brings it up like this. Thank you

OP posts:
pawpaws2022 · 18/03/2022 10:37

I'm 37 and dating a 28yo man Smile it's excellent so far!

SleepingStandingUp · 18/03/2022 10:42

The only thing to consider at 34 is do you want kids and if so when. But that applies if he's 19, 29, 49 or 69

iklboo · 18/03/2022 10:44

I'm 8 years older than DH. We've been married 18 years this year.

DirectionToPerfection · 18/03/2022 10:49

@Trippingslippingx1

Absolutely, the double standards for women are ingrained in society and they are frankly ridiculous.

The kind of age difference you mention here is really not unusual these days. I know lots of women who are the older partner in their relationships (including myself). A friend of mine is married to a man six years younger, they have been together for over a decade. My sister's husband is four years younger than her. Nobody would know unless you told them, and even then it's not a big deal at all. Bear in mind you're both from the same generation and are around the same stage in life. If you like him, go for it!

BattledoreAndShuttlecock · 18/03/2022 10:52

It's not a big age gap but of course at your specific times in life it's likely (not inevitable) that you'll have big differences in attitudes to children.

Play it by ear.

wannabeamummysobad · 18/03/2022 11:01

@Trippingslippingx1

Been speaking to a 29 year old all week from OLD I have made it fairly clear I am not looking for FWB Casual but LTR with someone (without sounding desperate - mind you I think being fairly clear about what you want makes you sound less desperate)

Anyway I have never dated someone 6 years younger.

Will he take me seriously or is he probably just looking for a shag?

My DH had just turned 29 when we met. I was nearly 32. I laid my cards on the table very early on and tbh he says he appreciated it. We were engaged in 2 years, married the following year and are now expecting our first child.

Age doesn't dictate how serious he is. He's the youngest I've ever dated and the only one I could imagine doing life with.

Sakura7 · 18/03/2022 11:13

Age doesn't dictate how serious he is. He's the youngest I've ever dated and the only one I could imagine doing life with.

Agree with this, mine is four and a half years younger than me. He was 27 when we met and I was about to turn 32. He's far more mature than any of my exes (all of whom were older than me).

It's about more than age, it's about their personality, values, maturity, goals for the future, etc.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 18/03/2022 11:17

@wannabeamummysobad well I havr laid my cards on the table and he seems to appreciate it also. He does want children. He does not want to be an older father. For what its worth I work in Sexual Health professionally and I think its another double standard that male infertility in consistent with female and age - although this is never spoken about obviously. He seems to be aware of this and brought it up a few times. He says the reason why he broke up with his last two partners was because he sadly did not see them being mother of his children, and did not want to waste their time. So I guess he is thinking that way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 18/03/2022 11:19

@Sakura7

Age doesn't dictate how serious he is. He's the youngest I've ever dated and the only one I could imagine doing life with.

Agree with this, mine is four and a half years younger than me. He was 27 when we met and I was about to turn 32. He's far more mature than any of my exes (all of whom were older than me).

It's about more than age, it's about their personality, values, maturity, goals for the future, etc.

Some of the men I have met in their late thirties have been so immature its been unbelievable. Some of them have been datining 20 year olds before they met me and they always end up being so perverted and weird.
OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 18/03/2022 11:23

@SleepingStandingUp

The only thing to consider at 34 is do you want kids and if so when. But that applies if he's 19, 29, 49 or 69
Male fertility dramatically declines in the 30s. Its not spoken about but it is true. (Patriachy - and of course you never hear of a man who is 39 worried about their fertility because its always on the woman, sad truth is that it is very much an issue that men are brainwashed to think never applies to them. However, woman aged as young as their 20s worry about their fertility. Not sure why this is. There should be some sort of public health campaign for men to be made aware of it to take the pressure off woman. 😂
OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 18/03/2022 11:38

Regardless of fertility cliffs, you need to discuss it at any age because its about expectations not outcomes.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 18/03/2022 11:39

@SleepingStandingUp

Regardless of fertility cliffs, you need to discuss it at any age because its about expectations not outcomes.
Agree
OP posts:
crispmidnightpeace · 18/03/2022 11:55

@Trippingslippingx1

Been speaking to a 29 year old all week from OLD I have made it fairly clear I am not looking for FWB Casual but LTR with someone (without sounding desperate - mind you I think being fairly clear about what you want makes you sound less desperate)

Anyway I have never dated someone 6 years younger.

Will he take me seriously or is he probably just looking for a shag?

What's OLD?
crispmidnightpeace · 18/03/2022 11:57

@Trippingslippingx1

Been speaking to a 29 year old all week from OLD I have made it fairly clear I am not looking for FWB Casual but LTR with someone (without sounding desperate - mind you I think being fairly clear about what you want makes you sound less desperate)

Anyway I have never dated someone 6 years younger.

Will he take me seriously or is he probably just looking for a shag?

It depends on the person. My husband is 16 years younger than me. He made it clear from day one he wanted to be serious with me. Took me a good while to take HIM seriously but now we are married and raising a child together.

Tell you how you know whether a man wants long-term or not - he tells you.

Men make this stuff clear.
They do not play games.
If they want a long-term relationship with a woman they ensure she does not get away.

This is what I have learned over 40 years of life.