29/M - 34/F

[Trippingslippingx1]

Been speaking to a 29 year old all week from OLD
I have made it fairly clear I am not looking for FWB Casual but LTR with someone (without sounding desperate - mind you I think being fairly clear about what you want makes you sound less desperate)

Anyway I have never dated someone 6 years younger.

Will he take me seriously or is he probably just looking for a shag?

@crispmidnightpeace 150% agree. They allow no dip in your mind that would let you get away.

DH is four years younger and we’ve been together 15 years. Neither of us have given it a second thought.

[quote Trippingslippingx1]@crispmidnightpeace 150% agree. They allow no dip in your mind that would let you get away.[/quote]
Exactly and it took me a good while to realise this but it was right in front of me the whole time. If a guy is acting as though he isn't that into you, he isn't.

DH is 4-5 years younger than me. We were 23 and 27 when we met. His age surprised me - he’s “seemed” 40 something since I met him! We’ve been married 22 years.

@crispmidnightpeace I usually break up with them when I get that weird ‘going with the flow’ energy from a 40 year old man - and they are usually LIVID and I have no idea why? I know the energy like you said when they really like you and want something serious so I usually cut them off. In the past 1/2 years I do that but always politely as I dont think its nasty - I just dont think they like me (lol) - anyway it doesnt go down well but I really dont know why they are that annoyed. They make it feel like they are doing you a favour by gracefully accepting their breadcrumbs and sofa/sex dates 😂 - an escort / prostitute would get more respect and time from them.

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads

DH is 4-5 years younger than me. We were 23 and 27 when we met. His age surprised me - he’s “seemed” 40 something since I met him! We’ve been married 22 years.

This guy has called me 3/4 times and we have spoken for an hour or so each time. He seems older and to be fair most of the late thirties guys on Bumble just send stupid messages every other day - so its refreshing.

[quote Trippingslippingx1]@crispmidnightpeace I usually break up with them when I get that weird ‘going with the flow’ energy from a 40 year old man - and they are usually LIVID and I have no idea why? I know the energy like you said when they really like you and want something serious so I usually cut them off. In the past 1/2 years I do that but always politely as I dont think its nasty - I just dont think they like me (lol) - anyway it doesnt go down well but I really dont know why they are that annoyed. They make it feel like they are doing you a favour by gracefully accepting their breadcrumbs and sofa/sex dates 😂 - an escort / prostitute would get more respect and time from them.[/quote]
They enjoy the sex and the ego boost and you're taking that away, that's why they're angry. Also it's an insult isn't it. If they feel you ought to be grateful they're going to be very incensed if you break it off because that means what they're selling ain't that good.

@crispmidnightpeace I dont know what the psychology is - but theres loads of them around. I think they have a few woman on the go really. Its not like I ask for much either so the woman they end up with I pray for

[quote Trippingslippingx1]@crispmidnightpeace I dont know what the psychology is - but theres loads of them around. I think they have a few woman on the go really. Its not like I ask for much either so the woman they end up with I pray for[/quote]
Well if they know they can get away with it... so really they just need to be shown they can't. Women need to raise their standards in general.

Probably after a shag IMO.

@ReadyforTakeOff

Probably after a shag IMO.

Why though? I mean I'm a decade older than the guy I'm seeing and he's been the most lovely and honest guy so far Last night he cooked, and we watched a film. That was it

Compared to the one the same age as me who I ditched for showing me a woman he wanted to shag on tinder and then wondering why I didn't want sex with him...
the older men I've dated have been worse for just being after sex

@ReadyforTakeOff

Probably after a shag IMO.

Probably. Most men on dating apps just after sex.

@pawpaws2022 I agree the older ones behave worse and I have no idea why. They dont even try with woman their own age, constantly gaslit, ghost and abusive. They barely communicate. Its weird psychology. Any guy I have ever met on a dating app older than 33 has been a complete nutter.

Considering most old relationships fail, the relatively small age gap is not a huge issue in the grand scheme of things

I don't see the age gap as an issue. You could be a lot older than 29 to not want a serious relationship.

The reason you're worrying about the age gap is because of sexism and that's all there is to it. I was 35 when I met my husband, who was 29 at the time. From day one, it has been the most loving and uncomplicated relationship I've ever had. No-one would bat an eyelid if the ages were the other way around.

Do you want children Op @Trippingslippingx1

Age (gaps) are irrelevant you do need to be on the same page when it comes to life goals ( immediate and long term)

My dad is 6yrs older than my mum, I’m 5yrs older than my husband, my husband’s mum is 4yrs older than his dad. These age gaps haven’t really been an issue to any of us! I think once you get past 24, age gaps don’t seem to matter really. Well, maybe 90yr old going out with a 25yr old, but around 15yrs difference doesn’t seem to affect anything. I have friends 15yrs older and 15yrs younger and I can’t really notice a difference.

@Miller2021

The reason you're worrying about the age gap is because of sexism and that's all there is to it. I was 35 when I met my husband, who was 29 at the time. From day one, it has been the most loving and uncomplicated relationship I've ever had. No-one would bat an eyelid if the ages were the other way around.

I agree - i like to think of myself as a feminist but clearly I have alot of work to do challenging my own internal beliefs. I would not bat an eye lid going out with someone 39/40

@Anthurium

Do you want children Op *@Trippingslippingx1*

Age (gaps) are irrelevant you do need to be on the same page when it comes to life goals ( immediate and long term)

Yes - have already told him

No way of telling
My husband is 8 years younger.

A five year age gap isn’t important in itself, but where the woman is the older partner and in her mid 30s it’s obviously important to clarify that both partners are on the same page regarding children if the relationship is likely to become serious. By that, I mean the man need to be sure he will be ready to become a father in the next few years.

@Libertaire

A five year age gap isn’t important in itself, but where the woman is the older partner and in her mid 30s it’s obviously important to clarify that both partners are on the same page regarding children if the relationship is likely to become serious. By that, I mean the man need to be sure he will be ready to become a father in the next few years.

Yes I agree

Yes I agree with @Libertaire

At 35 you don't have much time to waste on people that aren't compatible. You'd need this relationship to be ' moving' in a particular direction. It's quite pressuring as if it doesn't work out in 3 years' time you'll be 38 and with a potentially very dwindling fertility.

What did he say/how did he react when you told him you'd like to have children in the near future?