29/M - 34/F

[Trippingslippingx1]

Been speaking to a 29 year old all week from OLD
I have made it fairly clear I am not looking for FWB Casual but LTR with someone (without sounding desperate - mind you I think being fairly clear about what you want makes you sound less desperate)

Anyway I have never dated someone 6 years younger.

Will he take me seriously or is he probably just looking for a shag?

@Xfan

What did he say/how did he react when you told him you'd like to have children in the near future?

He didnt say much - just that he does want children and that he does not want to leave it too late either - wanted them before 35. Bear in mind this is all over the phone - hypothetical stuff, I have not even met him yet 😂

@Anthurium

Yes I agree with *@Libertaire*

At 35 you don't have much time to waste on people that aren't compatible. You'd need this relationship to be ' moving' in a particular direction. It's quite pressuring as if it doesn't work out in 3 years' time you'll be 38 and with a potentially very dwindling fertility.

That's true of any relationship in your mid to late 30s though.

29 is old enough to know what you want.

Male fertility dramatically declines in the 30s. Its not spoken about but it is true. (Patriachy - and of course you never hear of a man who is 39 worried about their fertility because its always on the woman, sad truth is that it is very much an issue that men are brainwashed to think never applies to them. However, woman aged as young as their 20s worry about their fertility. Not sure why this is. There should be some sort of public health campaign for men to be made aware of it to take the pressure off woman. 😂

The way a mans lifestyle can affect sperm quality is never ever discussed either. Everything is always about the womens lifestyles!
But impaired sperm increases the chance of miscarriages...and the man smoking, drinking, his food choices and all that kind of thing can also have an impact on the future childs DNA.

You obviously know this stuff yourself lol just putting it out there for other people reading the thread!

At 35 I'd be freezing my eggs/trying with a spermdonor ...you don't know whether this relationship will work out so you want to protect yourself and your fertility the best you can.

Lots of people say all sorts especially at the beginning of dating. He has another 15 years to play re having children and you don't.

@zonky

At 35 I'd be freezing my eggs/trying with a spermdonor ...you don't know whether this relationship will work out so you want to protect yourself and your fertility the best you can.

Lots of people say all sorts especially at the beginning of dating. He has another 15 years to play re having children and you don't.

Already did last winter. And already I am well aware of being a single mother by choice.

I also know men will say anything to get your knickers down 😂

@bluesberry

Male fertility dramatically declines in the 30s. Its not spoken about but it is true. (Patriachy - and of course you never hear of a man who is 39 worried about their fertility because its always on the woman, sad truth is that it is very much an issue that men are brainwashed to think never applies to them. However, woman aged as young as their 20s worry about their fertility. Not sure why this is. There should be some sort of public health campaign for men to be made aware of it to take the pressure off woman. 😂

The way a mans lifestyle can affect sperm quality is never ever discussed either. Everything is always about the womens lifestyles!
But impaired sperm increases the chance of miscarriages...and the man smoking, drinking, his food choices and all that kind of thing can also have an impact on the future childs DNA.

You obviously know this stuff yourself lol just putting it out there for other people reading the thread!

Mens fertility takes more of a nose dive past thirty than womans does - read online about it. It is well documented by never publised. If a man does not have a child before 30 the chances of him ever having one dramatically decreases every year. But of course the patriachy would never want us to talk about that. To make sure woman stay fit slim and complicit in continuing to engage with men 😂

My DH is 5 years younger. We've been together 20 years since he was 23. The age gap has never been an issue.

@zonky

At 35 I'd be freezing my eggs/trying with a spermdonor ...you don't know whether this relationship will work out so you want to protect yourself and your fertility the best you can.

Lots of people say all sorts especially at the beginning of dating. He has another 15 years to play re having children and you don't.

And not entirely true that he has 15 years left in the slightest. No one knows. But I have seen men in their mid thirties sperm count being low they habe been unable to reproduce and woman over the age of 46 concieving by accident when their contraception failed and go to full term. So there are exceptions, but I do appreciate it is not the commonly known rule.

Could you provide a link to those studies please? Their fertility seems to be linked with birthrates......but is the reason why men over the age of 30 have lower birthrates is because they have partners of a similar age? Have they studied 40 year olds for example with partners that are much younger? How did they separate the age of the woman from the study?

onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1439-0272.2007.00761.x

www.givelegacy.com/resources/age-limit-on-male-fertility/

www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/news/20030626/male-biological-clock-ticking-too

@EarthSight

Could you provide a link to those studies please? Their fertility seems to be linked with birthrates......but is the reason why men over the age of 30 have lower birthrates is because they have partners of a similar age? Have they studied 40 year olds for example with partners that are much younger? How did they separate the age of the woman from the study?

There does not seem to be much evidence that it is linked with womans age Loads of links with lifestyle; smoking overweight etc

I would only stick with the metanalyis stuff (higher quality) - but I guess for everyone of these studies you will probably find another disproving it. Its just interesting reading. Men do not have the menopause though - so they obviously do not have that shift like woman do. Although I went to a Urology talk a couple of years ago where they are starting to think there is a ‘male menopause’ which occurs around the same time as woman. Interesting stuff.

www.givelegacy.com/sperm-freezing/

They can even freeze their sperm! 😂 imagine Tom Harry and James talking about that over their last failed Tinder situationship aged 38 😂 - It just would not happen would it

I've dated guys much younger than me and they have only been after a shag, but I don't see your age difference as being very significant. There's no way of saying if he's going to be serious or not until you get to know each other.

I'm a single mother by choice so I understand your reasons for wanting to freeze eggs.

What is your cut off age if you haven't met anyone suitable?

As you know eggs don't necessarily defrost as well as embryos however it's better to have frozen eggs than nothing at all!

@lovelyluvvy

I've dated guys much younger than me and they have only been after a shag, but I don't see your age difference as being very significant. There's no way of saying if he's going to be serious or not until you get to know each other.

He probably is just after a shag

@Anthurium

I'm a single mother by choice so I understand your reasons for wanting to freeze eggs.

What is your cut off age if you haven't met anyone suitable?

As you know eggs don't necessarily defrost as well as embryos however it's better to have frozen eggs than nothing at all!

Excatly - probs 38/39

*Mel Johnson - single mother by choice - discusses a lot how she decided to stop giving dating '6 more months'. She runs Stork and I podcasts - very informative if you're looking for some real life stories on SMC!

@Anthurium

*Mel Johnson - single mother by choice - discusses a lot how she decided to stop giving dating '6 more months'. She runs Stork and I podcasts - very informative if you're looking for some real life stories on SMC!

Yes shes brilliant - a couple of my sisters friends who were all similar to me did it and have no regrets whatsoever. When I went to the clinic last winter (I was 33 and fairly well versed with how horrendous the dating game was) the nurse basically said to me I was the 4th professional attractive woman she had spoken to that day who had attended for the same reasons.

What has happened to
Society?

I met my dh when he was 26 and I was 31 - plus I had an 8 year old ds.

Been together 11 years now, married for 9, 2 more dc.

I never think about being 5 years older.

Just curious Op, why do you think you'll be more successful in finding a partner to have a child with in the next few years than you have already? If you're already thinking about solo parenting, why not go down that route now?

I am saying all this - what if I meet this Bumble boy at the weekend and he is the love of my life 😂💕😂💕😂💕

@bluejoeythesailor

Just curious Op, why do you think you'll be more successful in finding a partner to have a child with in the next few years than you have already? If you're already thinking about solo parenting, why not go down that route now?

I don’t - I think I just still have Disney princess Hope - and so many lovely ladies on here have had it work out for them with great guys in their 30s! X