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Original poster

How to end it? Can't do it in person.

82 replies

opensun · 18/03/2022 07:17

Need to end things with the guy I'm seeing. It's only been 3-4 months and he's started buying his son the same clothes my son wears, wants to put his son in the same club as mine, he's listening to the podcasts I listen to etc. I told him once that I was feeling really anxious and needed to be on my own and he turned up on my doorstep with flowers. He's just too much and I need to end things. Problrn is, I'm on day 2 of covid and want to get it over with. I've almost entirely lost my voice and am short of breath, but can't do it in person. I can't text as it just isn't the done thing. How do I do this?

OP posts:
Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 18/03/2022 11:28

Text is absolutely fine under the circumstances. Tell him you are happy to meet in person to discuss once you are over covid. But only actually do this if if he is reasonable and decent about it. If he goes nuts, lock down and protect yourself.

Hoppinggreen · 18/03/2022 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted as it quotes a deleted post.

declutteringmymind · 18/03/2022 11:36

Maybe a holding text? Tell him you've been rethinking things and need a little time and space for him. Then dump him in person as soon as you see him. His reaction to this will likely affirm that he needs dumping. If he love bombs you just be honest that you find it all a bit weird and are best not seeing him. Put his stuff in an Uber.

DenholmElliot · 18/03/2022 11:40

Could you write him a letter and send it over to him by Uber?

EmpressCixi · 18/03/2022 11:40

I’d take the middle road and call him on the phone.
I don’t think any break up should be done by texting unless there is actual abuse involved. It’s a shit thing to do to someone who just isn’t your cup of tea.
You may be feeling stifled, but another human beings feelings are involved here too.

gamerchick · 18/03/2022 11:51

@OrlandointheWilderness

Oh seriously with the Karen stuff!?!? Really!? Are we actually 12?!?

Perfectly fine to send an appropriate text at this point.

Tbf it usually comes from 16 yr olds here. Grin
NoNeedToWorryAboutAThing · 18/03/2022 13:03

After 3-4 months a text is fine .

Pixiedust1234 · 18/03/2022 13:15

Considering he has shown he no boundaries i would send him a text. Ask which day is convenient for you to leave his belongings outside your door and use covid as your excuse. Do not respond to anything unless it's about the belongings. Dont be sucked back in with his nice guy approach.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/03/2022 21:02

Of course you can end it by text
What’s wrong with that ?
Why is face to face any better
Be honest and get this off your mind
And get better

Grimsknee · 18/03/2022 23:58

To paraphrase Rebecca West:
“I myself have never been able to find out precisely what a Karen is: I only know that people call me a Karen whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat, or a prostitute”

colouringindoors · 19/03/2022 00:04

Need to end things with the guy I'm seeing. It's only been 3-4 months and he's started buying his son the same clothes my son wears, wants to put his son in the same club as mine, he's listening to the podcasts I listen to etc

This is not normal. Run away. And if that means dumping by text, do it.

Vapeyvapevape · 19/03/2022 00:13

I would just text him. I had a guy once who had very rigid routines- Wednesday night was ironing night, but he couldn't bear to not see me so turned up on my doorstep with his bag of ironing and asked if I minded if he did it at mine , I finished it by text.

BookFiend4Life · 19/03/2022 05:34

I would absolutely just text to break up and leave his stuff on the doorstep. Technology has brought a lot of horrible shit into our lives but it's stupid not to take advantage of the benefits. I would prefer to be broken up with via text for a relationship of that length!

TheWayTheLightFalls · 19/03/2022 05:49

Could you write him a letter and send it over to him by Uber?

Firstly - no. Secondly, there’s this amazing thing called Royal Mail. Or an even more amazing bunch of things called Vodafone, 3 and EE.

Monty27 · 19/03/2022 05:56

I've had similar OP. Bought exactly the same dishes, bedding and copied everything. My politics my everything. He didn't have kids I had and we lived separately.
Now is a great time to pack his stuff. Send him a text it's over and his stuff will be at the door for his collection at an appointed time. You can't see him for 10 days or something and hopefully he'll go away.

MalbecandToast · 19/03/2022 05:59

Massive red flags here OP. Send the text Flowers

TracyMosby · 19/03/2022 06:07

@Freddy12

From a guy A friendly but clear txt that it’s not working for you would be fine
Thank God a man has announced his authority as a man and has spoken! We can now all rest easy.

But I think the heartlessness of some of these suggestions is appalling. If you can’t bring yourself to say to him that the relationship is getting too intense too quickly for you, and you would like to take a pause for a while, put it in a letter, or even an email. That’s courtesy and consideration for someone else’s feelings
He said no when op asked him to stay away. Why should he have that courtesy and not her?

Why are so many people telling op, who clearly said she has lost her voice, to phone him instead?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/03/2022 08:11

Jesus just send a text
Write it politely , concisely and leave no open ends

How is being dumped face to face any better or more respectful ?
A turd is a turd is a turd

Walkingalot · 19/03/2022 08:39

I ended by text after an 18mth relationship. It started before the first lockdown, got intense quickly. Once lockdown ended and life went back to normal, he didn't like it. He would have been happy being in a 'bubble' forever but I found it stifling. I tried to end things, in person, several times but was emotionally guilt tripped. It dragged on much longer than it should. Finally I plucked up the courage to end it by text, told him I'd sort out his stuff and contact him again. I blocked him for a week and then msg to arrange for him to pick up his belongings. I handed his box over, said 'sorry' and shut the door. Blocked him again. I heard through the grapevine that he was in another relationship within weeks.

Lurking9to5 · 19/03/2022 08:50

I was dumped in person once, we went out for a date as we had done a good few times before and I didn't know that I was going to be dumped. So I felt very foolish that I'd been acting normally on the date!

I would have preferred the kindness of a text to be honest.

It wasn't like we lived together or had planned to share our futures. It does depend of course but a text is the kindness sometimes.

Didydani · 19/03/2022 08:53

I agree with @hiddenvoice and would wait until I felt better to tell him in person. Just be honest with him about how're feeling. Wishing you luck.

Smurf1984 · 19/03/2022 09:00

Been in a very similar situation….it’s stifling and can be scary, my situation ended in a non molestation order, I would urge you to finish it asap, don’t leave this dragging on as it’s gives him false hope. Be very clear, we are done, I wish you the best the block and delete. I promise you you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted ❤️

RantyAunty · 19/03/2022 09:17

Please don't listen to these people with poor boundaries who continue to pander to males.

Send him a polite text saying you're no longer interested and his things will be in x location to pick up and block.
Then you don't have to have him try to talk you out of it which he will if in person or on the phone.
If he shows up at your door, ignore and don't answer.
If he escalates, contact the police.

Doing this makes your intentions very clear and respects yourself and your boundaries.

MakeItRain · 19/03/2022 11:18

You need to be very clear and direct with people who overstep boundaries like this. A text is fine. Don't leave any room for negotiation. "Hi X, this isn't working out for me. I've realised I'm not looking for/ready for a relationship. I'll leave your stuff outside between x and y pm. I won't be able to come to the door due to covid." Add a "no hard feelings/ wish you well" if you want. He's giving you a clear message he doesn't get boundaries so don't be surprised if it escalates. If it does hold your nerve. Send a "please don't contact me again. If you do then I will call the police" and see it through.

Templeblossom · 19/03/2022 11:28

@MakeItRain

You need to be very clear and direct with people who overstep boundaries like this. A text is fine. Don't leave any room for negotiation. "Hi X, this isn't working out for me. I've realised I'm not looking for/ready for a relationship. I'll leave your stuff outside between x and y pm. I won't be able to come to the door due to covid." Add a "no hard feelings/ wish you well" if you want. He's giving you a clear message he doesn't get boundaries so don't be surprised if it escalates. If it does hold your nerve. Send a "please don't contact me again. If you do then I will call the police" and see it through.
This Jesus all the nonsense about being cruel. He is creepy and oversteps boundaries -absolutely best to end by text so that he cant wheedle etc Also you cant SPEAK atm so why would you call him ?