New DP going away while I (probably/possibly) have Covid

[MaeveWiley]

My two DC (12 and 9) have Covid, but are recovering well. I have escaped so far but am starting to feel a sore throat coming on. Testing negative up til now. The thing is, DP of 18 months is due to fly to see his parents for 3 days this weekend - a long standing arrangement because Christmas was cancelled. I’m afraid of getting Covid - seems fairly likely -and being in isolation and unwell while he goes off to have a jolly (see the football etc). And not being able to get to the shops/pharmacy or have anyone to take basic care of me or the kids.

They’re not his kids, if that’s relevant, I’m a widow. He points out I’m not ill yet, which is true. Also relevant - he’s normally a very caring person and fully pulls his weight around the house.

But that he intends to go feels like a bit of a red flag for me. What do you think please?

The red flag is on you. You are not ill but want him to cancel a visit to see his family that was cancelled over Christmas just in case?

I think you are selfish. I’m married and wouldn’t expect my husband to stay and I live with his kids!

I don't personally see it as a red flag at all.
As you have mentioned you haven't tested positive and only have a slight sore throat.
If it's a trip that's been booked for a while he is probably looking forward to it and to catch up with his parents, I would want my partner to still go even if I was poorly.
Isolation isn't a legal requirement now, just advised to stay at home if you can, I'd stock up on medication & food now whilst I was negative.

Its bad timing but yabu to expect him to miss this long standing arrangement to see his parents. Your kids aren't that young, so wont need constant supervision.

I think he should go.

I wouldn't expect him to cancel his trip for this - you're being a bit self centred. Why not do some forward planning and book a supermarket delivery if you're concerned. Or the 12 year old can walk to the shop.

I think he should go. You might not get it, you are allowed out to get medicine etc, your kids are old enough to feed and look after themselves without you doing it for them.

Stock up on paracetamol etc now, do a big shop before he goes or anything online one while he is away. Even if you do get it, you are unlikely to be so unwell that you and a 12 and 9 year old couldn’t manage.

You're right it's a huge red flag 🚩

But one he should be seeing on you, frankly. You sound selfish, overly needy and entirely defunct of any capability to understand he hasn't seen his family for a long time.

@CoatesCat

The red flag is on you. You are not ill but want him to cancel a visit to see his family that was cancelled over Christmas just in case?

This. No red flag from him here but there is from you. You're a big girl, I'm sure you can cope for a few days if you catch Covid.

Go and get your essential shopping before you come down with it.

Very very unfair of you to expect him not to see his family, after not being able to at Christmas. Just in case you come down with what for most people now, is basically a cold.

Stop being so selfish, and do not make him feel bad.

Yabu. You only have a bit of a sore throat and you're not testing positive. Go to the shops today and stock up on food and paracetamol etc. Get stuff easy to cook in the oven or microwave and then the 12yo can help. That should tide you over. I'd not stop your partner seeing his family: you may not even have covid or be that ill and he hasn't seen them for ages.

My partner of 5 years has flown for a long weekend with his parents today. I have all sorts of shit going on in life at the moment which he has been a great support with but I wouldn’t expect him to not go and see his family. I was due to go with him but can’t because of the circumstances but no reason he can’t go.

I agree with everyone else. I'd be very happy for my DH to do the same. Assuming your triple jabbed, if you do catch Covid, it's likely to be pretty mild. For most people I know, the worst bit is the headache so I'd stock up on paracetamol and watch movies with your kids etc.

YABU. If you’re worried about basic supplies go to the shops and get them now, or order online. For most people, covid is an illness they manage at home alone. If you need more than that, you’ll be in hospital and still won’t need his help.

And I’ve just read back and see it’s only 3 day, not weeks as I first thought. Jesus, woman up, you are being ridiculous.

This can’t be real

You expect a boyfriend of 18m to cancel a long awaited 3 day trip to see his family because you "might" catch covid?!

Enormous YABU.

He doesn't need to stay with you, you will be able to look after yourselves for 3 days, you just need to prepare in case you do get sick and get stuff in now. It is really unreasonable to expect him to cancel because you have a sore throat

Are you joking?

His life doesn't revolve around you, your the red flag here.

You're not even ill yet and he's only going for 3 days! Just stock up on some bits now in case you can't leave the house!

It's not like your kids are tiny and need someone to care for them if you're ill.

You are being deeply unreasonable. Get prepared if you're worried. Be an adult.

Are you for real?

You’re waving so many red flags right now.

Do you live together?

I think you’re being unreasonable sorry.

There’s no legal requirement to isolate even if you are testing positive, but as you’re not yet you’ve even less reason to worry.

Stock up on paracetamol/ cough sweets etc now plus make sure you’ve either got enough food in for a couple of weeks, or get something in place for just in case. That might be signing up with an online shopping account and reserving a slot, checking out if you can get groceries through amazon, if your local coop delivers etc. Have you got friends/ family/ neighbours you can call on if needs be?

If you want to be really OTT think about stocking up on a few simple crafty bits or comics or puzzle books or whatever to keep the kids amused, if you don’t already subscribe to a streaming service see if you can get it for one month or get a free trial or something. That way you know you’ve got some easy stuff to entertain the kids if you’re feeling crap. Hell you could even batch cook some meals now so they’re in the freezer if you do get ill. 12 and 9 is old enough to reheat something or make beans on toast if not. Make sure you’ve done a load of washing, uniforms etc so you’re not having to worry about that. Can the older one walk to school/ bus? Is there a friend/ family member/ school mum who can do drop off/ pick up if you’re unwell?

I think being prepared and thinking ahead might help, but there’s nothing to say you actually will get ill. And even if you did I don’t think a partner of 18 months should be the person you’d rely on to the extent that you don’t have other options should they happen to be unavailable.

It’s massively unreasonable to expect him to cancel an already cancelled trip to see his family, even if you were actually ill. It’s extra unfair to resent him for being ‘on a jolly’. Why shouldn’t he take a planned trip, see people who matter to him, watch the football? It’s unfortunate IF it should happen when you’re not well, but that’s life.

YABU. My kids have covid the last week and my husband went away for a weekend with his friends last weekend. I wouldnt have expected him to stay home with me. We had a lovely weekend at home watching movies by ourselves.

If you think you are going to be unwell stock up on easy to make foods and some medicine and you'll be fine. I had covid at Christmas and so did my husband but our kids still needed to be fed and the dog walked. There was noone to take care of me. I hope he enjoys his trip.