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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

New DP going away while I (probably/possibly) have Covid

73 replies

MaeveWiley · 17/03/2022 10:46

My two DC (12 and 9) have Covid, but are recovering well. I have escaped so far but am starting to feel a sore throat coming on. Testing negative up til now. The thing is, DP of 18 months is due to fly to see his parents for 3 days this weekend - a long standing arrangement because Christmas was cancelled. I’m afraid of getting Covid - seems fairly likely -and being in isolation and unwell while he goes off to have a jolly (see the football etc). And not being able to get to the shops/pharmacy or have anyone to take basic care of me or the kids.

They’re not his kids, if that’s relevant, I’m a widow. He points out I’m not ill yet, which is true. Also relevant - he’s normally a very caring person and fully pulls his weight around the house.

But that he intends to go feels like a bit of a red flag for me. What do you think please?

OP posts:
Fuckitsstillraining · 17/03/2022 11:06

Wow, you want him to cancel seeing his parents in case you get ill? You're not sick yet and might not be at all. My dh would be ushered out the door by me with best wishes to enjoy the trip in the same circumstances. I hope you've told him how you feel about him seeing him parents so he has the chance to see the red flag your holding.

Rickrollme · 17/03/2022 11:07

You don’t even have Covid at this point and even if you develop it there’s no way to know if it will be bad. Your children are old enough to basically manage for a few days if you get sick. This is a trip your partner has been planning for months. Have a word with yourself.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 17/03/2022 11:07

Op while
Your still negative if get to a supermarket masked up of course and do a run around shop of essentials and easy meals as well and any medication etc.

That way your prepared. Why would you expect him to not go away because you MIGHT catch a virus that's just about everywhere again at the moment?

Second post today that comes across as very entitled. Hmm

Original poster
MaeveWiley · 17/03/2022 11:07

Thanks for your responses, which I take on board. It’s my issue (I think I knew this anyway deep down).

I am going to behave better.

OP posts:
AHungryCaterpillar · 17/03/2022 11:09

What help do you expect of him if you do get it? He’s not going to want to risk catching it, I’m guessing you don’t live together? So I would be avoiding you anyway if I was him

Yousexybugger · 17/03/2022 11:09

3 days? Christ alive OP, YABVU. You're not even ill (yet) and we are not mandated to isolate anymore so why don't you prepare: stock up, do a shop, get some meds etc in, in the knowledge that you can go out in extremis, or send the 12 year old to the shops. You can't try and spoil his trip like this.

Maybebaby8 · 17/03/2022 11:11

Oh wow now I've been with my partner for 3 year's. I've got covid as we speak, I have two children and at no point would I expect him to look after me or MY children.

My kids are 8 and 11, can make their own breakfast and drinks even sandwiches. At the peak of me feeling like shit, we've ordered takeaways and ordered our shopping.

He should go and see his family he's not sick and neither are you

Yousexybugger · 17/03/2022 11:11

Cross post but great that you're taking this on board.

Put on a smile and wave him off, and fingers crossed, you will be fine. Might not even be covid, I've currently got a sore throat, aches, cough etc but testing negative and it seems to be easing off.

forcedfun · 17/03/2022 11:13

Well done for taking the advice on board.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 17/03/2022 11:15

Good update OP

MissNothing1991 · 17/03/2022 11:20

I am lone parent of a toddler, dad is no longer in the picture. I would NEVER expect a potential future partner to cancel their plans because of something to my child or care of my child.

And if I was to have to isolate right now, it would be literally me and my toddler, with no help whether I get seriously ill or not. I'd have to make do with no option of a partner cancelling plans to look after us anyway. I'm sure I'm not the only one in this boat. So stop your bloody whinging, it's not his fault and the man has a right to do as he pleases.

Hugasauras · 17/03/2022 11:27

I don't think you can ask someone to miss out on a an overdue trip to see his parents on the off-chance you might be unwell enough to need help looking after your kids, who are old enough to not need constant interaction anyway.

AperolWhore · 17/03/2022 11:46

It’s a red flag for him on your part I’m afraid. You aren’t ill yet and although Covid is still scary you have plenty of time to stock up on supplies if you do get ill. Do an online order for medication, food, extra toys to entertain the children and batch cook some food they can easily stick in the microwave if you need to nap.

Hbh17 · 17/03/2022 11:48

You are not required to isolate.
You would not expect him to stay if you had a cold, so this would be no different.

coloradoqueen · 17/03/2022 11:53

Of course he should still go. Looking after your kids isn't his responsibility and the likelihood is you'll be perfectly capable of doing day to day tasks. Order an online delivery and crack on.

ravenmum · 17/03/2022 11:59

Can he not just help you stock up for 3 days beforehand, if you don't want to do it yourself? Presumably you'll be suggesting that he keeps away so as not to catch it too? For 3 days he doesn't need to cancel Christmas just so he can be on standby if you realise you've forgotten to get butter or something.

MermaidEyes · 17/03/2022 12:25

Wtf lol. You may not even get covid. You may get it but not feel ill. Your 12 year old should be capable of basic shopping, otherwise stock up at the shops/pharmacy today, just in case. Aren't there any other friends or family close by to help?

Octomore · 17/03/2022 12:28

You're not ill yet, even if you were ill you wouldn't necessarily be incapacitated, they're not his kids, and you've only been together 18 mths. He's being entirely reasonable.

Original poster
MaeveWiley · 17/03/2022 13:07

Thanks for this which is helpful and I will make preparations as suggested. Like an adult!

And, although people are saying IABU these responses have made me rethink my whole attitude to this.

I’m not a red flag honest. I’m capable of accepting when I’m wrong for a start.

OP posts:
DockOTheBay · 17/03/2022 13:13

YABU
Its 3 days. If you have amazon prime you can get basically anything next day delivery. Online supermarket slots are plentiful now. If it was really an emergency you could call on neighbours/friends/school mums to help - I'm sure they would

Its not even guaranteed that you'll get it, or if you do that you'll be ill with it.

I wouldn't cancel a trip with family, who I haven't seen for months, if my wife/ husband might get covid - let alone a partner of only 18 months.

SheWoreYellow · 17/03/2022 13:13

Are you fully vaccinated? If so, you are overwhelmingly likely to get it very mildly.

Summersdreaming · 17/03/2022 13:17

Good on you for seeing sense.

MermaidEyes · 17/03/2022 13:23

That's a good update OP. Hopefully you will stay well!

Aworldofmyown · 17/03/2022 13:26

It's 3 days where you might get an illness that is likely to be no worse than a cold. You'll be fine.

Orchidsonthetable · 17/03/2022 13:26

I’m glad you’ve accepted it but this is a huge red flag from you and I’m stunned you’d even try to stop him seeing his parents jist in case you get Covid and need help.