AIBU - first anniversary

[tinseltits21]

Interested to hear your thoughts on this.

It's my (F31) and my boyfriend's (M32) first anniversary next month. I know these things generally aren't as important to men as they are to women, but I have reminded him a number of times of the date so that we could do something to celebrate. It turns out he has actually booked a meal with friends on the date of our anniversary and hadn't realised. When I told him, he asked 'what do you want me to do?'

AIBU for being pissed off that a) he forgot and booked a meal with his friends and b) then asked what he should do ie should he cancel the meal with his friends? He can literally go for a meal with his friends anytime, our anniversary is one day of the year and he knows it's important to me.

I have a history of being in relationships where the man doesn't value me so this is kind of triggering for me. Surely if he valued the relationship he'd remember the date, and even if he had a bad memory I've been reminding him of the date and yet he still doesn't seem to care. He has now offered to change the date he sees his friends but it feels like he's only doing that out of obligation and not because he wants to celebrate our anniversary so it feels tainted.

I just don't want to be in a relationship where I am not valued or appreciated.

Fair play to @tinseltits21 for some really calm and thoughtful responses. Not what we are used not on MN

Great post by @InTheNightWeWillWish too, at 01:54:01

What’s wrong with celebrating an anniversary of being in a relationship, say from the date you made it official? I bet most of you have done this at some point in your (love) lives! Anniversaries are not only for married couples.

My husband views the day we got together as our most important anniversary, rather than our wedding day.

What else did he suggest? Trip at the weekend? Delayed celebs with a treat the next night?

thanks, @Kite22, I appreciate that :)

@DixonD well nothing IMO but clearly a lot of people on here disagree!

@Supersimkin2 I'm not sure what you mean? He hasn't suggested anything, we are yet to discuss what we are actually going to do for the anniversary.

Unless it's a wedding anniversary yabu

Don't you find it interesting he rearranged his friend meetup with no issues but still hasn't planned something for you?

He could have booked something when he was rearranging his friend meetup.

@RantyAunty I would actually prefer that we plan something together - I don't expect him to plan and book the celebration, my OP was about keeping the date free

That's fair enough.
What do you want to happen next?

Looks like he's offered a reasonable explanation, cleared the date, and despite wanting to arrange something by mutual agreement, you dont want to mention arranging something in case its seen as nagging.

?

@RantyAunty @Verv I suppose I'd like him to be the one to bring the subject up but I accept that he is not a mind reader and that I can do it in a way that isn't annoying/nag-like