Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Getting Ready to Leave the Love of my Life

76 replies

makegood · 13/03/2022 09:20

How do I do this? He turned on me recently and has become a nasty c*nt. Overnight. How and why? He loved my 2 children, we spoke of marriage, wanted me forever for years, we were best friends, he was the best person I ever met. And now this.

Nothing changed, I didnt change so why has he?

Pretty certain there is no other woman. Think it might be the reality of being part of bringing up 2 children that are not his. How he has let them down.

When I first met him, he left his wife. She was outraged and turned his 2 children against him. He was broke. He has nothing. I got him out of his shitty life and made him tougher, stronger, encouraged him to believe in himself and loved him.

I'm such a fool and cannot get over how he has used me.

OP posts:
Original poster
makegood · 13/03/2022 09:22

In hell right now.

Im not myself and need to be the best for my 2 wonderful children. But this torn me apart.

How do I get through this?? My heart is physically aching. Never had this before.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 13/03/2022 09:23

Do you need advice on how to do it practically or emotionally? He sounds like a dick so if it’s your house then just kick him out. If it’s his or you own or rent it together it’s more complicated.

Movingonup22 · 13/03/2022 09:24

So he was married with two children when you met?

JohannSebastianBach · 13/03/2022 09:25

Clearly he's been acting. He's been pretending to be someone else.

At least you know now.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/03/2022 09:25

How long were you together? The time line isn’t clear. You say you were best friends for years and that he left his wife when he met you.

StopStartStop · 13/03/2022 09:29

Good grief. Well, my guess is that there is another woman. Men rarely leave to go to an empty bed. But why did you have your children live with a man who isn't their father? Are you expecting to do that again when you get over the loss of the man you're posting about? He left his wife for you? Then how did you expect his relationship with you to end?

You might be a fool, you might not. But this is your opportunity to get yourself together and make a good life for you and your children, without a random man in the home. You are capable of that, and when you achieve it you'll be less likely to put your family's happiness at risk to accommodate (and 'support') a man.

LadyEloise1 · 13/03/2022 09:38

"....When I first met him, he left his wife....."

Does a leopard change his spots ?

Original poster
makegood · 13/03/2022 09:39

@Movingonup22

So he was married with two children when you met?
No he wasn't!!!

He finally left his wife after having given her and the children everything for 23 years. She couldn't take it and turned his children against him.

Some people just want to make a story out of nothing.

OP posts:
CeleriacOfTheNight · 13/03/2022 09:40

Cherchez la Femme and all that.

Branleuse · 13/03/2022 09:41

Maybe his wife wasnt as bad as he made out, since hes now done it to you

HollowedOut · 13/03/2022 09:41

It’s not making a story out of nothing, the way your OP was worded very much made it sound as though he’d left his wife to be with you.

I’m so sorry this is happening. Who owns the house? Do you have somewhere to go? Any idea about why he might have changed?

Original poster
makegood · 13/03/2022 09:42

@StopStartStop

Good grief. Well, my guess is that there is another woman. Men rarely leave to go to an empty bed. But why did you have your children live with a man who isn't their father? Are you expecting to do that again when you get over the loss of the man you're posting about? He left his wife for you? Then how did you expect his relationship with you to end?

You might be a fool, you might not. But this is your opportunity to get yourself together and make a good life for you and your children, without a random man in the home. You are capable of that, and when you achieve it you'll be less likely to put your family's happiness at risk to accommodate (and 'support') a man.

There ISNT another woman.

He didnt leave his wife for me.

I expected to get some good advice on here. What is it with people?

I lived with him because we got to know each other for over a year. Mac children gradually got to know and love him over years. They adore each other and so did we as a couple.

OP posts:
HollowedOut · 13/03/2022 09:44

You might want to delete this OP and reword it. All you’re going to get is people thinking that he left his wife and kids to be with you. So many people just read the OP and not other updates.

Tillymintpolo · 13/03/2022 09:45

I suspect his wife could tell you a very different version of that story.

RichardsGear · 13/03/2022 09:45

When I first met him, he left his wife. She was outraged and turned his 2 children against him.

How can posters not think he left his wife for you when you wrote that?!

Anyway he sounds like an arsehole showing his true colours, and I'm not sure how you can be so certain there isn't someone else.

Original poster
makegood · 13/03/2022 09:46

@HollowedOut

It’s not making a story out of nothing, the way your OP was worded very much made it sound as though he’d left his wife to be with you.

I’m so sorry this is happening. Who owns the house? Do you have somewhere to go? Any idea about why he might have changed?

The way I worded it is fine. People just want to see the worst of others and that is why they have said this shit. We were in a loving relationship and he seems to have changed overnight.

He owns the house. I'm paying him rent. My ex husband managed to get more out of the divorce than me. I have nothing and cannot buy a place. I earned 70k when I met the ex but had to give up my career because both my children had learning difficulties. My DS is doing very well but my DD still needs me. I'm starting a job tomorrow but it will pay minimum wage because Ive had to start again.

OP posts:
WouldBeGood · 13/03/2022 09:47

I’d put money on there being another woman @makegood: it’s pretty classic behaviour.

In any event, it doesn’t really matter. Ask him to leave. You should not have to put up with being treated badly in your own home.

FullBush · 13/03/2022 09:48

I’m sorry you’re hurting OP, it sounds like a very difficult situation.

However your first post is quite confusing and does come across like you were the OW - which if you’re familiar with Mumsnet you should know that is not going to go down well at all.

If you’re after some sympathy and advice, perhaps it would help for you to explain more clearly the timeline of the relationship and what help you’d like from people.

Flowers
WouldBeGood · 13/03/2022 09:48

Oh, I see he owns the house. Stop paying rent to him and find yourself another place to rent for you and your DCs.

HollowedOut · 13/03/2022 09:48

The way you worded it isn’t fine, which is why everyone is thinking that he left his wife to be with you. Read this not back, how could anyone not interpret it this way?

Getting Ready to Leave the Love of my Life
HollowedOut · 13/03/2022 09:49

It didn’t attach

Getting Ready to Leave the Love of my Life
HollowedOut · 13/03/2022 09:49

Oh, it did

Original poster
makegood · 13/03/2022 09:51

And when we first met, he was going to rent because he didnt think he could afford to buy the ex out. She had a spending problem. I helped him out of that too, with support, budgeting, mortgage and so he had a massive mortgage but owns this house (that we're living in).

Can someone please help me with my feelings? That is what I wanted, not judgmental assuming horrors.

Mumsnet was designed to be supportive but it really isn't.

Justine, cancel this shitty website.

OP posts:
Original poster
makegood · 13/03/2022 09:51

@WouldBeGood

Oh, I see he owns the house. Stop paying rent to him and find yourself another place to rent for you and your DCs.
Will do thanks.
OP posts:
TibetanTerrah · 13/03/2022 09:53

Are you sure hes turned into a cunt overnight and not just fed up of your aggression?

Swipe left for the next trending thread