I’ll start off by saying that my husband and I are very very fortunate in many ways- we love each other a lot and have a very supportive relationship. He is my best friend. We also have two beautiful, funny DCs, jobs and a nice home. Considering what others are going through at the moment, our problems will seem trivial. But we are not happy and so incredibly frustrated, and I don’t know what to do about it.
We moved from London (couldn’t afford it) to another city 7 years ago to start a family. But 7 years later, we still find ourselves pretty isolated and lonely. We’ve been really unlucky with making friends. We were really good friends with one couple, but they divorced acrimoniously and both moved away. Another couple we were friends with moved abroad.
I made a few mum friends when I had my first DC, but as nice as they are, I can’t say I’m completely myself around them and I wouldn’t say I have a really good laugh with them. It’s all very polite and we mainly talk about our kids, schools etc. My husband has tried to befriend their husbands, but they are not interested. A lot of people grew up here or went to uni here and stayed, so have ready-made friendship groups or family around and the men in particular don’t really seem interested in making new friends. My husband has really tried and it breaks my heart to see him watching a big football match at home on his own, when I know he’d love to be out watching it with a pint and a group of mates. He is self-employed so doesn’t have work colleagues to hang out with either.
We have no family around (and they don’t really help with the kids when we do see them) and our lives are just a constant tag-team of work and childcare. We hoped that we’d meet more people when our eldest DC started school, but unfortunately he has become best friends with two children whose parents are pretty unfriendly and awkward. I set up a play date with one of the mums and her child and, honestly, it was such hard work- she had absolutely nothing to say. If I didn’t talk, we’d just sit in silence.
My DH and I don’t know what to do. We like the area, we like our house, and we don’t have the money to move anyway. But every weekend just reminds us of how lonely we are. It’s just my husband and me with the kids every single weekend, looking at each other asking: ‘What are we going to do today?’ Over the years we have instigated play dates, have invited people to parties and Christmas drinks- these are never reciprocated. My DC never seem to get party invites. We’ve tried forcing our eldest DC (6) to join sports classes, for his own confidence and as a way of meeting other parents, but he’s not interested. It’s not fair to make him do something that he doesn’t want to do just for our social needs.
Sorry if this reads as one long pity-fest, I’m just feeling pretty down today. Yet another Saturday where it’s just the four of us, just dripping around the local park or soft play. We used to be fun people. We used to be really sociable and go out a lot. We made plans and we used to laugh with friends. Our world has shrunk down so much. I think we both feel a bit lost and as if life is passing us by.
Have others found themselves in this situation? If you weren’t happy, what changes did you make to improve your lives?