My 14 year old niece and sex

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My niece is 14 she's got ASD and ADHD
Me and my sister have a slightly fragile relationship as my son who is older and my daughter who is 10 years older have taken the scenic route through life. And not been text book kids. My sister has told me on many occasions it's parents who damage their kids.

My sister is extremely overweight and she's not wanted her children to be this way so she put them on strict diets from 4/5 years called them names, spent hundreds a month on clothes and designer things for them and they have a lovely life my sister would never ever do anything on purpose to hurt her girls but I think she projected a lot from her childhood - they are amazing girls and do well at school are polite and I adore them. I know their parents love them whether they are right or wrong.
My oldest niece (19) is stunning but 600 cals a day for 2 years, gym twice a day and looking underweight (about 6.5 stone and 5'3") but their looks are their benchmark - it's horrible really.

My youngest niece is 14 - not as slim, always been the "less attractive child" according to my sister not anyone else -
I have found out tonight that my youngest niece is being passed around for sex - not a boyfriend but for compliments, for attention and for fun.

As I say i don't have a great relationship with my sister but I would want to know.

My own kids who told me have said if I tell her mum i am opening her up for abuse (from her parents) but I can't do nothing can I?

She's a child and vulnerable

If I told my sister would this help?
Or would I be making things worse?

This is not malicious I adore my nieces I really do. My daughter had sex at 15 and I made sure she was safe and she was emotionally safe.

I wish I could just talk to my sister and I wish I could hug my niece.

I would go straight to the police. No ifs or buts no excuses.

Police, nspcc, safeguarding lead at school?

They boys she's sleeping with are 14/15

Would that be a case for the police ;

I just want her safe

Yeah I agree with police. I'd also be thinking about who to report your sister to if she's calorie restricting the 14 year old. Shocking.

You are massively dpwnplaying the impact your sister is having on her daughters OP and they need help both of them - calling them names and calorie restricting is abuse.

It has left both of them with clear scars and the youngest is clearly very vulnerable

Police/NSPCC/safeguarding at school

Call the police
Call school - ask for the DSL and report it to them on Monday and tell them that you’ve reported it to the police (which you should do so tonight)

@DemBonesDemBones

Yes I know.

I really do.

I understand all of this I said this 15 years ago when she put her first child onto a diet.

But this particularly is breaking my heart.

My 14 year old was on Instagram a few years ago - she was 11 and a lad asked her to show her a picture of her without filter and she sent him one - he blocked her the second later and she broke her heart.

This was a pivotal moment in her life.

I don't want to alienate my nieces any further it's almost like Stockholm syndrome I need to be careful

Shall I tell the parents/my sister or go down the safeguarding/police route?

I only care about that vulnerable child. I adore her.

I can't explain how important looks and fashion and social media are to that family.

My life is crap. You can read all about it on here but it's nothing malicious. I am not jealous.

Shall I tell the parents/my sister or go down the safeguarding/police route?

Go down the safeguarding / police route. Asap

She does need safeguarding but I dont think I'd go straight to the police. I think I'd call the nspcc for advice on how best to proceed.

I have been outed by my family
Because
I've got a naughty ASD son and a BPD daughter and my husband left me.
I was told it was all my fault.
He had 12 cases of gbh against me and I was told it was my fault because I went for "big jobs" (admin)
I was told that my sisters calorie restricting was because of my sisters 10 stone over weight. And she did not want her daughters to be like this. It was a good thing.

I haven't spoken to my sister since my husband left 3
Years ago and was blamed for his 27 year cheating abusive life because i wanted a good enough wife.
He threw a door at my daughter and my mum and sister said well she can be difficult.

It's not a close relationship

But it is with my nieces.

Her eldest when I took her on holiday literally broke her heart and said her mum used to wash her with out with soap when she said a slang word.

I can't prove anything

I am poor and not as protected as she is.
I don't know what to do -

Why not call the nspcc for advice? You can talk things through with them in confidence then you might have a better idea as to what to do next.

@Porcupineintherough

I will. I would like some advice

I think you should tell your sister unless you don’t believe she would take action or knows

Tell your sister & go with her to the police: over-riding her will create a rift in the family and stop you communicating with your nieces

IF she doesn’t go to the police, THEN contact them yourself but I wouldn’t suggest you make a bad situation worse

You clearly love your nieces. They (particularly the younger one) need someone to protect them. If you report this to police/nspcc/safeguarding team then in future years they'll thank you.

There is no onus on you to prove anything just report to the relevant authorities and do not inform the family. If the boys are also from school there is a culture they need to address and there may be an element or coercion. Often there are drugs associated with such behaviour too. Very sad for your nieces but you have a responsibility to report it to police etc.

I would go to social services. Your sister is at best neglectful, at worst abusive and now she’s failing to safeguard her daughter.

I don't think any boys are without problems

I think they are
Young and vulnerable and trying to navigate through life.

I don't want my niece to have deep seated issues because she didn't feel worthy

Partly her parents but partly her self esteem.

I'm not saying laws have been broken. But this is not another I want her to go down. - I probably remember this path. I just want her to know how beautiful she is by all humans not just young men.

@LIZS thank you.

@Rainallnight

But imagine 49 years of gas lighting and me being the youngest niece and I'm
Also struggling so it's like history repeating itself - i don't want to come across as nasty.

I was always the "pretty one" my sister was always the "good one" that really damages people -
I've felt disgusting my whole life

I wanted to be good.

don't tell her parents.
tell police etc as others here have outlined.
the older girl also sounds to have been abused; she could have serious long term issues from restricted calorie intake, including possible fertility problems and osteoporosis.
you need to report this situation.

I don't want my niece to have deep seated issues because she didn't feel worthy

Sadly it's too late for that op. At 14 and 19 the damage is done and there will be a LOT of unpicking to do, in order to deal with the inevitable trauma.

As well as nspcc I'd be speaking to social services. Your sister is abusing those children. Your entire family sound toxic and abusive and as is the case for many survivors of familial abuse, you are very much minimising it because to you, it is normal. it is not. You are not overreacting. Those girls need your support. Please speak to SS and report to nspcc and or police.

Op, stop replying to this thread for a moment and go phone the police. Now!!
Wether or not the boys are 14/15 it doesn't matter. Any of them having sex is illegal, and this needs looking into. You also need to report your sister to social services. She is abusing her children!

You are a good person op. You are trying to save your dn..ring the police. Place it in their hands. One day soon your dn may be on your doorstep.
Better than pregnant or riddled with sti's.
Poor poor girl. The mental damage will be huge later on.

it doesn't matter if someone thinks you come across as nasty/jealous.
what people think and indeed how you feel about what they think,
is unimportant.
what is important is helping those girls.

@CandyLeBonBon

I have been left out of my family i have also been abused

My mum and dad split up and I was called to a family meeting and was told I had to make a choice it was either my mum or dad if I chose ky dad i would not be included with the family
I asked my mum 9 years ago why she appeared to dislike me so much - she replied I don't know I just do.

My sister told me the day after I had my son my face repulsed her.

I am trying to keep things healthy for my nieces now.

I'm not going to knee jerk now and alienate my nieces further

I found this out 2 hours ago and I (because of my own abuse) wanted to ask on here.

I am going to do what ever I need to do. I adore my nieces but I want to tread carefully also. Please understand that.