Feeling a bit meh with DH :-/

[meh22]

DH is a good guy, great with the kids, works hard to provide for us.

I'm a SAHM have been for about 5 years now.

I've found recently that I'm getting a bit put out with certain aspect of DH behaviour, and I don't know if I'm being unfair or if he needs to do a bit more.

I feel like I'm always last in the list for his time. Example, he's been saying he's going to book tickets for a show for us since December, book the babysitter etc. So far nothing. Any time I mention it he says it's in hand

When I push the subject of him being more proactive in doing stuff for us as a couple he says he understands but is snowed at work but will do it. It Leaves me feeling in limbo.

When it's something for the kids a day out he'll book it right away. He says it's easier to do that as we're all going so no need for a babysitter etc.

Part of me thinks he's busy providing for all so let him be. The other part of me feels like he's taking the piss and I'm no longer important to him.

He did take us out for dinner yesterday which I enjoyed and we have lots planned as a four but it's maki g me resentful that he doesn't see the importance of time as a couple, that's not spent at home!

I feel I have to force him to do things with me an dit's getting me down

He has not FUNDED a woman who is looking after their joint children. God, some of the people on here.

OP, I think some of the posters on here are being harsh and dismissive. I have 4 DC and my husband and i, due to various changes in circumstances, have had literally all combinations: me in full time work and him part time, both full time working, and even both staying at home one year (he had to be my carer), but for most of the time he has been the full time worker and I have been a sahm.

In my experience, sahm has consistently been the most challenging role and my previous full time jobs were in property management and mental health nursing, so not exactly easy. BUT the decision for me not to work has enabled my DH to focus on establishing his business by working hours he never could have managed when we were both full time and splitting childcare and housework etc evenly. He now brings home more than both our previous full time earnings put together, we have no childcare fees and thankfully he recognises that me being sahm has been an important part of that success.

Despite what many on here seem to think, being a sahm is usually a huge contribution and should not mean being indebted to your working DP for facilitating a lifestyle! Being a sahm requires a lot of sacrifice and very quickly you can feel invisible and unappreciated in that role.

What I'm hearing is that you want to feel seen by him and for him to want to seek you out so that you can enjoy some time being the version of you that you used to be before the DCs. I expect you may be feeling a bit like you are losing/forgetting that version of yourself and you want to feel that your DP hasn't, and that he is with you for more than just practical reasons.

However, if he is not initiating, maybe arrange the first date yourself. Once he sees how much fun you have together and once you have a 'go to' babysitter in the bag, you may just find he will get a taste for it and arrange the next one himself.

@twinsetandpearl

I'm going to be brutally honestly here OP and say you sound incredibly ungrateful of the fact he is carrying the family financially to enable you to have stayed home for half a decade. Working full time with a family is incredibly hard - I'm the main earner and I can't begin to tell you the strain and pressure that causes. And no I don't then have the time, energy or capacity to be planning date nights with my husband.

Why can't you book the tickets and babysitter? 🤷🏻‍♀️ perhaps you're husband is sat at work feeling resentful that what he is doing is still not good enough for you - he sorts the kids days out and took you out for dinner And you are still not happy?

Having been the main breadwinner at one stage and at another stage in life being a SAHM I can say that bring a SAHM was far harder - and my career was in a high stress job! Why is she being ungrateful ? Your acting ad of what he is doing is more valuable thag what she is which is simply wrong That’s the reason the courts recognise the contribution of stay against home parents Why do you think paid appreciated employment( that often gives social and future career benefits btw - not to mention recognition from society ) is more valuable than raising children full time and being a SAHP ?

My DH never really organises anything! Yes it’s frustrating. But He’s happy to go along with anything so I get to choose- that’s the upside. If he organises family days that’s pretty good but I can see why you feel he may have a bit of a blind spot with you when he’s generally good at it.

The misogyny on this thread is disgusting.