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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is he married?

64 replies

Speckled1010 · 09/03/2022 15:11

I have been on a few dates with a man I met a few months ago on a dating app. However, from time to time he disappears. He tells me that he is either busy with work, ill, or away. He disappeared and could not meet at all for 5 weeks. He blamed being busy with work. I ghosted him because I was annoyed. He then messaged again last week and tried to arrange meeting sometime last week. I stupidly agreed to this. I told him when I was free and then he said he couldn't meet last week despite the fact he asked me in the first place. He also takes ages to reply to messages. In the past, I have asked him to meet after work for drinks or something to eat and he says he can't.

I really don't understand why he messages me asked to meet up and then says he can't meet. Could he be married?

OP posts:

DenholmElliot · 09/03/2022 15:13

It certainly sounds like he's coupled up, yes. Have you asked him? Does his facebook page say he's single?

KikiSB · 09/03/2022 15:18

He's either married or dating at least one other person - you are worth more - dump the loser otherwise he will keep you parked for when he isn't seeing anyone else.

Justcallmebebes · 09/03/2022 15:22

He's either married or a fuckwit. Probably both. Either way, block and move on.

Crystalvas · 09/03/2022 15:25

What a tosser. Bin him hes probably coupled up. What a time waster.

autobarn · 09/03/2022 15:25

He could be married, but was there no sign of this on your dates?

Whether he's married or not, I wouldn't be happy being kept waiting for 5 weeks without a reasonable explanation. Does he get ill often?

SweetNcrunchy · 09/03/2022 15:26

If someone is really into you they will do anything and everything to be with you. So he's either not that into you (seeing others at the same time) or married. Move on.

ScreamIntoTheWind · 09/03/2022 15:30

Im not sure it matters what the reason is. Married, useless, arrested, unwell, saving the universe from aliens, whatever… he’s flakey and ignores you for weeks on end.

That’s all that matters really.

Original poster

Speckled1010 · 09/03/2022 15:40

@DenholmElliot

It certainly sounds like he's coupled up, yes. Have you asked him? Does his facebook page say he's single?

No, I haven't asked him and I also have not seen his social media

OP posts:

Original poster

Speckled1010 · 09/03/2022 15:42

@autobarn

He could be married, but was there no sign of this on your dates?

Whether he's married or not, I wouldn't be happy being kept waiting for 5 weeks without a reasonable explanation. Does he get ill often?

He had to rush off quickly on a few of the dates so the dates were very short. He has been ill a couple of times.

OP posts:

Minikievs · 09/03/2022 16:03

Or dating others at the same time, and just keeping you on the hook while he sees how the others pan out

autobarn · 09/03/2022 16:04

What reason did he give for having to rush off?

girlmom21 · 09/03/2022 16:14

Whether he's married or not he sounds like a massive waste of your time.

blacksax · 09/03/2022 16:17

There's clearly something going on in his life that leaves little room for anything other than a quickie if he can get it.

You're wasting your time, I reckon.

Original poster

Speckled1010 · 09/03/2022 16:17

@autobarn

What reason did he give for having to rush off?

Once he said he had made plans to meet a friend that evening and the other time he said that he was hungry so had to go home.

OP posts:

Itwasntmeright · 09/03/2022 16:18

Who cares if he’s married, he’s a waste of your time, just block him.

girlmom21 · 09/03/2022 16:22

Once he said he had made plans to meet a friend that evening and the other time he said that he was hungry so had to go home.

He double booked you and he was on a date with you but couldn't have dinner with you?

What did your dates entail?

Peachtoiletpaper · 09/03/2022 16:22

No idea if he's married, he's definitely a nonstarter. You deserve someone who is keen and makes time for you

Watchkeys · 09/03/2022 16:23

I wouldn't waste my time trying to work out the reasons why someone was treating me poorly. I'd just make sure they didn't keep doing it, by staying away from them.

Wouldn't you rather be doing something enjoyable, rather than trying to find out via a forum what's going on in a stranger's head/life?

AuntieStella · 09/03/2022 16:27

Even if someone is ill, or has a dreadful work life, you'd know if they were keen.

They might not be able to answer every message promptly, but they will answer, and they'll put effort into keeping the conversation going - let me guess, you get short answers and it's only in response to what you're saying, not bringing new stuff in or asking about you?

RoseAndRose · 09/03/2022 16:29

the other time he said that he was hungry so had to go home.

Not have a bite with you? Ready to bet had to go home to eat because someone there was cooking for him

Original poster

Speckled1010 · 09/03/2022 16:29

@girlmom21

Once he said he had made plans to meet a friend that evening and the other time he said that he was hungry so had to go home.

He double booked you and he was on a date with you but couldn't have dinner with you?

What did your dates entail?

We went for a walk once and then he said he had to go home because he was hungry. I found that weird because there were lots of restaurants near by (not expensive ones) but he insisted that he wanted to go home to eat.

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 09/03/2022 16:35

Someone was cooking for him. The question is whether it's his wife or his mom. Either way steer clear of someone who needs to be home by tea time.

Unless he was skint - but that doesn't excuse going off the radar for weeks.

Watchkeys · 09/03/2022 16:44

What stops you from looking for someone who blows your socks off by being brilliant at every turn, @Speckled1010?

Aquamarine1029 · 09/03/2022 16:47

Are you really so desperate that you'll allow some loser to treat you like this?

Whatsthestoryboringglory · 09/03/2022 16:59

There are a million red flags hanging off this man, and the possibility of him being in a relationship already is just one of them. I’d look elsewhere if I were you OP.

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