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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is he married?

64 replies

Speckled1010 · 09/03/2022 15:11

I have been on a few dates with a man I met a few months ago on a dating app. However, from time to time he disappears. He tells me that he is either busy with work, ill, or away. He disappeared and could not meet at all for 5 weeks. He blamed being busy with work. I ghosted him because I was annoyed. He then messaged again last week and tried to arrange meeting sometime last week. I stupidly agreed to this. I told him when I was free and then he said he couldn't meet last week despite the fact he asked me in the first place. He also takes ages to reply to messages. In the past, I have asked him to meet after work for drinks or something to eat and he says he can't.

I really don't understand why he messages me asked to meet up and then says he can't meet. Could he be married?

OP posts:

ISmellBurnings · 09/03/2022 17:03

Yes he could be married. Either way, this isn’t really working is it?

Graphista · 09/03/2022 17:17

Yep sounds like it

What time of day does he usually communicate at? During work hours and then after say 10/11pm at night?

Have you googled/Sm searched him?

Although I wouldn't bother I'd just cut my losses and move on

Why on Earth haven't you asked or searched him?!

He is a waste of your time

Original poster

Speckled1010 · 09/03/2022 17:25

@Graphista

Yep sounds like it

What time of day does he usually communicate at? During work hours and then after say 10/11pm at night?

Have you googled/Sm searched him?

Although I wouldn't bother I'd just cut my losses and move on

Why on Earth haven't you asked or searched him?!

He is a waste of your time

He usually messages me during work hours or just after work finishes. Never really in the evenings after 7pm. I have googled him but found nothing.

OP posts:

coldfeetmama · 09/03/2022 17:32

I think he sounds like a waste of space

Just message him saying " good luck this is not what I'm looking for "

Block , delete and either enjoy being single or look for someone worth the effort

Original poster

Speckled1010 · 09/03/2022 18:49

@Watchkeys

What stops you from looking for someone who blows your socks off by being brilliant at every turn, *@Speckled1010*?

I have never met a guy like that

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 09/03/2022 19:03

You'll never find a decent man if you keep wasting your life with fuckwits.

Maze76 · 09/03/2022 20:20

He can’t even take you on a decent date.. there’s really no point continuing contact. There are plenty of men out there, don’t waste your time on this waste of space.

DualNational · 09/03/2022 21:57

It sounds suspect. My guy behaved similarly and whilst he told the whole company he was divorced he had a full blown family and 3 kids.

Only found this out later down the line when she looked me up on LinkedIn. He gave me the sob story that in reality they were separated but living together for the sake of the kids.

He was so believable that still to this day I’m baffled how he managed it.

iwishu · 09/03/2022 22:29

Something is definitely up, in a relationship or dating someone else most likely, I don't think it matters to find out, just don't waste anymore time on him, too inconsistent for it to go anywhere.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 09/03/2022 22:40

Try looking him up on 192.com and see if he comes up as living with a woman.

Notjustabrunette · 09/03/2022 22:46

Maybe you’ll never know his situation. You don’t need too, you already know his behavior is odd and he’s not making time to see you. I would just move on from this one.

spotcheck · 09/03/2022 22:51

@ScreamIntoTheWind

Im not sure it matters what the reason is. Married, useless, arrested, unwell, saving the universe from aliens, whatever… he’s flakey and ignores you for weeks on end.

That’s all that matters really.

⏫⏫⏫⏫⏫⏫⏫

Graphista · 09/03/2022 22:56

He usually messages me during work hours or just after work finishes. Never really in the evenings after 7pm.

Not only coupled up that sounds I like young dc in the mess too.

Walk away

I have googled him but found nothing

Prob given you a fake name too - v easy to do

You'll never find a decent man if you keep wasting your life with fuckwits.

Yep

Do you even need a man? Really? How long have you been single what's your current situation?

Either way this guy is not treating you well and not making you feel good.

When you start dating someone it should be easy, lots of fun, exciting and everyone's on their best behaviour and trying to impress

If that's not the case at the very start it's a dead loss!

TyrannosaurusRegina · 09/03/2022 23:38

If you're not sure of him, walk away.

phizog · 10/03/2022 00:30

Does it matter? You're not going on dates, he's not making you feel good, there's zero progression to your interactions and he annoys you. Oh and he's flakey and unreliable.

Is this really what you consider a dating prospect? I think you'd have more fun trying to make new friends for companionship than wasting time and energy to someone adding zero value to your life and showing you no respect. Block him.

Butterfly44 · 10/03/2022 01:29

He said he was hungry and had to go home...What my message after 7pm...Cancels dates...

So many red flags in things you've said. End this one. There's no future here. He's absolutely with someone else.

me4real · 10/03/2022 01:36

He's a timewaster for whatever reason @Speckled1010 . Block.

Adebayo · 10/03/2022 02:09

Avoid! Avoid! Avoiiiidddddd!!!!!

gonnascreamsoon · 10/03/2022 06:58

Op, he's got piss poor reasons for 'rushing off', hasn't he ?

He's got a piss poor record of keeping in touch, unless it's when he's supposed to be at work.

He's got a piss poor record of keeping you hanging for WEEKS waiting for him too !

So what exactly ARE you getting from him ??

He's most definitely either married or co-habiting with his partner ! There really IS no other reason he's behaving like this !

Block him and move on.

Watchkeys · 10/03/2022 10:44

@Speckled1010

I have never met a guy like that

So you've decided they don't exist, despite that fact that many people have happy, loving, healthy relationships, and you're going to choose to spend your time worrying about someone who treats you poorly?

Can you see the flaw in your thinking? Just because you haven't met someone yet doesn't mean they don't exist, and whilst you currently fuss about this bloke, your hours and days tick by.

How much time do you want to spend on this guy who doesn't make you happy?

AwayInMyMind · 10/03/2022 10:48

Married or not he's a dick.

Get rid.

Original poster

Speckled1010 · 10/03/2022 11:39

@Graphista

He usually messages me during work hours or just after work finishes. Never really in the evenings after 7pm.

Not only coupled up that sounds I like young dc in the mess too.

Walk away

I have googled him but found nothing

Prob given you a fake name too - v easy to do

You'll never find a decent man if you keep wasting your life with fuckwits.

Yep

Do you even need a man? Really? How long have you been single what's your current situation?

Either way this guy is not treating you well and not making you feel good.

When you start dating someone it should be easy, lots of fun, exciting and everyone's on their best behaviour and trying to impress

If that's not the case at the very start it's a dead loss!

I have been single for a few years. Only recently started trying to date again.

OP posts:

ValerieCupcake · 10/03/2022 11:57

This one doesn't sound like a keeper. Or even a one more date sort of guy.

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 10/03/2022 12:54

Being completely single would be better than this, whatever it is. Why haven't you give him the ole heave ho?

KikiSB · 10/03/2022 14:45

can people please stop judging th OP; I am about to be back in the shark pool of dating and am terrified It's difficult out there and some people aren't as cynical as the rest of us?
OP - please stop seeing this man. He's definitely got some weird agenda and you are better off single than wasting your time and energy. Ask him why he's being odd and also challenge him on being married. It isn't normal for single people to act this way. Seriously either drop him completely or see other people and ease your way away from him if you can't do it in one go

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