Is he married?

[Speckled1010]

I have been on a few dates with a man I met a few months ago on a dating app. However, from time to time he disappears. He tells me that he is either busy with work, ill, or away. He disappeared and could not meet at all for 5 weeks. He blamed being busy with work. I ghosted him because I was annoyed. He then messaged again last week and tried to arrange meeting sometime last week. I stupidly agreed to this. I told him when I was free and then he said he couldn't meet last week despite the fact he asked me in the first place. He also takes ages to reply to messages. In the past, I have asked him to meet after work for drinks or something to eat and he says he can't.

I really don't understand why he messages me asked to meet up and then says he can't meet. Could he be married?

@KikiSB

can people please stop judging th OP; I am about to be back in the shark pool of dating and am terrified It's difficult out there and some people aren't as cynical as the rest of us? OP - please stop seeing this man. He's definitely got some weird agenda and you are better off single than wasting your time and energy. Ask him why he's being odd and also challenge him on being married. It isn't normal for single people to act this way. Seriously either drop him completely or see other people and ease your way away from him if you can't do it in one go

I have thought about asking him outright why he is messing me around, but I don't think he would even bother answering

[quote Watchkeys]@Speckled1010

I have never met a guy like that

So you've decided they don't exist, despite that fact that many people have happy, loving, healthy relationships, and you're going to choose to spend your time worrying about someone who treats you poorly?

Can you see the flaw in your thinking? Just because you haven't met someone yet doesn't mean they don't exist, and whilst you currently fuss about this bloke, your hours and days tick by.

How much time do you want to spend on this guy who doesn't make you happy?[/quote]
@Watchkeys I know they exist, but they don't want me

OK, so you're only dating crappy men and then you're wondering why they behave crappily.

Why don't they want you, d'you think?

@Watchkeys

OK, so you're only dating crappy men and then you're wondering why they behave crappily.

Why don't they want you, d'you think?

I don't know why nice men never want me. I'm honestly not a horrible person/

I don’t think he is married but I think he is definitely seeing someone else (or more than one). From what you say, It looks to me like you are on the bench and just asked to play when his other options are not available.

I know how difficult it is to find nice men who like you and you like at the same time but honestly, you don’t need one who is messing you up all time being so flakey. Step away, because the longer you persist, the worse your self esteem will be as he is slowly teaching you to lower your standards, and honestly, you don’t want to go there.

How is your self esteem in general? Do you believe you deserve someone who treats you really well, OP? Because if you don't fully believe this, you'd be better staying single and working on this.

I say that as someone who has been there and done that (well, still single, but now believe I deserve someone who'll treat me as equally well as I will treat them!)

Tell the crappy men to get lost as soon as they seem crappy. You'll come across a nice one at some point.

Only spend time with people who make you feel good. Unless you want to feel crap. You're in charge of who you spend your time with, so choose not to spend it with people who make you feel like this. If you think that leaves you with nobody, you're wrong: it leaves you with you, and you can treat yourself brilliantly and have a very fulfilling life without dating. Nobody is making you spend time with anybody.

@Sorchamarie

How is your self esteem in general? Do you believe you deserve someone who treats you really well, OP? Because if you don't fully believe this, you'd be better staying single and working on this.

Very low self esteem. I do believe I deserve someone who treats me well, but I can't find it

The first person who needs to treat you well is you. That means making healthy choices about the company you keep, rather than wasting your time working out why prats are behaving like prats.

I know they exist, but they don't want me

How many men did you approach before you approached this man?

@greasyshoes

I know they exist, but they don't want me

How many men did you approach before you approached this man?

On the dating app? Quite a few. In real life, no men have ever been interested in me

My friend met a man online dating, he always paid cash, "couldn't do weekends", travelled for work, all the usual crap. She nabbed his driving license from his wallet in his coat pocket when he went to the loo on a date, found his social media and also used Google to search his home address to see who was registered there. Married. She's absolutely brilliant at sleuthing. O and his wedding ring was in the change pocket of his wallet. Thankfully she only saw him as a casual date and wasn't invested in a relationship with him!

@Wifflywafflywoo

My friend met a man online dating, he always paid cash, "couldn't do weekends", travelled for work, all the usual crap. She nabbed his driving license from his wallet in his coat pocket when he went to the loo on a date, found his social media and also used Google to search his home address to see who was registered there. Married. She's absolutely brilliant at sleuthing. O and his wedding ring was in the change pocket of his wallet. Thankfully she only saw him as a casual date and wasn't invested in a relationship with him!

I found him a couple of days ago on social media and I see no wife/girlfriend. I suppose he was just a timewaster.