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Original poster

Would you give someone the time of day who has previously ghosted you?

72 replies

Picolino · 06/03/2022 22:50

Nc for this..
I was ghosted by an online date that I spent a few weeks getting to know. He flaked out when trying to meet up and then eventually just stopped replying. I never blocked him and accepted I had been ghosted with good grace, however crap it made me feel..now a couple of months later, he's WhatsApped me and apologised and saying he wasn't in the best of place before and he wasn't quite ready to date but now he is...
I've read the WhatsApp but not replied..
Part of me thinks how very fucking dare you and feel like giving him a few choice words.. Ghosting really is the cowards way out.. A small part of me wants to believe him and I did invest a lot of time getting to know him and felt we could've had a connection.
The trouble is. If that's how they can treat you from the get go, then who knows what they can actually be like after you've met them and God forbid, sleep with them.
Am I better off just ignoring his message?

OP posts:
FuckThatBullshit · 06/03/2022 22:54

Fuck him. If he was in a shit place it would have taken 45 seconds to text that, so even on the basis he is telling the truth he's a cruel and untrustworthy little twat. But more likely he was dating other people and dropped you. Ghosting - even people you've not met - is immature, cowardly and downright fucking nasty. I hate it.

Lurking9to5 · 06/03/2022 22:55

I wouldn't, because even in a difficult place, he could still have communicated to you that he wasn't up to dating, nothing to do with you though, good luck.

I read somewhere or heard somewhere that if you cannot stop yourself giving them a second chance, ask them what's changed since they ghosted you or in your case, ''Are you a better communicator than you were last xxxxxxx?''
.

I wouldn't do that tbh because they could just lie. Or they could just ghost you again for asking a difficult question.

user1480097724 · 06/03/2022 22:57

I would assume he met someone else he thought he might like more but it didn't work out. There's no excuse really for ghosting someone, however much of a "bad time" he believes or says he was having. He will also think it's easy to manipulate you if you respond. On the other hand, you could chat then tell him it's not working for you after a few conversations. I'd do that because I'm bitter and vengeful though!!

Journeynotdestination · 06/03/2022 22:58

God no. He’s already lied to you.

Youcansaythatagainandagain · 06/03/2022 23:00

No. Absolutely not.

I did let someone back in who had ghosted me.
He went on to do it many more times and treated me badly over a long period of time.

Original poster
Picolino · 06/03/2022 23:00

@user1480097724

I would assume he met someone else he thought he might like more but it didn't work out. There's no excuse really for ghosting someone, however much of a "bad time" he believes or says he was having. He will also think it's easy to manipulate you if you respond. On the other hand, you could chat then tell him it's not working for you after a few conversations. I'd do that because I'm bitter and vengeful though!!
I must admit that this crossed my mind, to basically chat to him then ghost him too, but then it's too much effort and also I feel I'm marginally better than that.. I'm pissed off that he had the audacity to message me.. We last spoke in December last year, he left my last message unread for about 3 weeks before he finally read it, then never heard from him.. I didn't bother texting him again.. Ghosting makes you feel like utter crap.
OP posts:
Lurking9to5 · 06/03/2022 23:02

And if he ghosted you again, you'd feel worse.

iwishu · 06/03/2022 23:22

Best to carry on ignoring him, he's bored looking for attention now that he's pissed off all other options, hoping you'll forgive his bad behaviour., there's no excuse for ghosting, any respectful person would of explained at the time.

Original poster
Picolino · 06/03/2022 23:45

I agree.. Thank you for affirming. His message will stay read and not replied to.

OP posts:
CruCru · 06/03/2022 23:46

No, just say that you’ve moved on. Then block him. You don’t want someone who has a history of evaporating in your head.

AHungryCaterpillar · 06/03/2022 23:58

Nope

oviraptor21 · 07/03/2022 00:19

Two can play that game.
There would definitely be no reply from me.

Donthavesanity · 07/03/2022 00:44

This sounds so much like my experience. I know the instinct is to tell to fuck off, I gave the guy a second chance because we got on well and when he explained his behaviour to me, I felt it was understandable under the circumstances. Fast forward 13 years and we have 3 kids, coming up to our 10th wedding anniversary and I'd say things worked out for me.

Only you can decide if you want to give him a chance or not, but I thought my experience would show you that it can work out if you both want it to.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/03/2022 00:47

Your standards would have to be in the gutter for you to allow him back into your life. Don't be foolish. Now block him, as you should have done ages ago, and move on.

Donthavesanity · 07/03/2022 00:49

I gave my ghoster another chance because we got on really well, and when he explained what had been going on I could understand why he'd vanished. I also made it very clear that if he did it again I'd be done. We ended up getting married and having kids. So sometimes it works out, but I think it depends on the explanation of the ghosting.

Donthavesanity · 07/03/2022 00:51

Fuck sake I thought my first message hadn't added so wrote a shorter version. I'm blaming my insomnia 🤦‍♀️

Original poster
Picolino · 08/03/2022 13:20

So the ghoster has found me on another dating site and has given me a lot of script about all of his difficulties and to give him another chance as he wants to make it up to me..

OP posts:
GentlemanJayFab · 08/03/2022 13:27

I've taken great enjoyment in getting my own back on a number of people who have "drifted off"

One recently in particular.

phizog · 08/03/2022 13:29

If he had ended things with an explanation and then wanted another chance, I would be open to listening. A big fat no to ghosting. I have on occassion when I used to date felt too overwhelmed to respond or reply to people explaining why I didn't want to pursue it - but that was only if it was someone I'd exchanged a few messages with. Not with people who I had invested weeks into or been on a date with. I always let them know if i was going to stop contact and why.

It would have taken him 1 min to type out a message explaining what he has just explained to you. If he couldn't do it then I wouldn't trust him to flake once again. Best to just ignore his message and not get sucked in. It's not a great start for a relationship anyway - wondering if he'll ghost you or not. I think he was seeing someone else that fizzled out and is now contacting his back ups. Don't be a backup.

GentlemanJayFab · 08/03/2022 13:29

The best response is to read his message then delete it.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Tamworth123 · 08/03/2022 13:36

The poster above who ended up married to a man who ghosted her .... the exception to the rule I imagine.

If ppl ghost and act flaky, chances are they'll do it again.

Tamworth123 · 08/03/2022 13:37

@Picolino

So the ghoster has found me on another dating site and has given me a lot of script about all of his difficulties and to give him another chance as he wants to make it up to me..
"Basic manners are a minimum standard of mine. Good luck with your issues".
Tamworth123 · 08/03/2022 13:39

Tho as above, ignoring is acrylic by far the best response.

Why does he deserve acknowledgement and communication when he gave you none.

HollowTalk · 08/03/2022 13:40

I would bet my house that he was dating someone he preferred who then dumped him and now he thinks he can grovel his way back into your life. Just block and ignore.

Original poster
Picolino · 08/03/2022 13:41

I'm pissed off as I did really enjoy speaking to him. But, he isn't worth my time after ghosting me. I think he could so easily do it again.

OP posts:
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