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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you give someone the time of day who has previously ghosted you?

72 replies

Picolino · 06/03/2022 22:50

Nc for this..
I was ghosted by an online date that I spent a few weeks getting to know. He flaked out when trying to meet up and then eventually just stopped replying. I never blocked him and accepted I had been ghosted with good grace, however crap it made me feel..now a couple of months later, he's WhatsApped me and apologised and saying he wasn't in the best of place before and he wasn't quite ready to date but now he is...
I've read the WhatsApp but not replied..
Part of me thinks how very fucking dare you and feel like giving him a few choice words.. Ghosting really is the cowards way out.. A small part of me wants to believe him and I did invest a lot of time getting to know him and felt we could've had a connection.
The trouble is. If that's how they can treat you from the get go, then who knows what they can actually be like after you've met them and God forbid, sleep with them.
Am I better off just ignoring his message?

OP posts:

Tamworth123 · 08/03/2022 13:43

I often think ghosters, aside from in response to some inappropriate behaviour (which isnt the case when they come back) struggle to see people as non objects (to pick up & put down), are selfish, self serving and expedient; not exactly good qualities for a partner.

SickAndTiredAgain · 08/03/2022 13:44

I gave someone who ghosted me another chance after he explained. We dated for a few months and it didn’t work out, but he was lovely and post-ghosting didn’t behave poorly at all.
I imagine he’s an exception though, because he really was a good guy who was hit with a terrible situation. I probably wouldn’t have got round to reply to someone I was causally dating if I’d been in that situation.

Tamworth123 · 08/03/2022 13:45

@Picolino

I'm pissed off as I did really enjoy speaking to him. But, he isn't worth my time after ghosting me. I think he could so easily do it again.

I think you're right.

And you can enjoy talking to any number of ppl.

And sociopaths can be very plausible and charming, just saying.

Whelmed · 08/03/2022 13:47

I wouldn't give him another chance, he's already shown what he thinks is acceptable behaviour.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 08/03/2022 13:53

I did once and he did it again. Lesson learnt.

Dontbeme · 08/03/2022 14:14

@Picolino

So the ghoster has found me on another dating site and has given me a lot of script about all of his difficulties and to give him another chance as he wants to make it up to me..

That would really annoy me. He has no respect for boundaries, you haven't replied on one avenue so he persists in another. Did he even ask to meet to explain and apologize or just state that you should give him another chance like he's doing you a favour? Block him on everything and be thankful he showed who he is so soon before you were invested further.

Original poster

Picolino · 08/03/2022 14:19

He's sent me a long arse message telling me everything he's had to deal with and that it's all been very overwhelming. It sounds very traumatic what he's dealing with.
Irrespective, it takes 12 seconds to drop someone a message to say it's not the right time and they aren't in the right frame of mind to entertain dating. I would have had MUCH more respect for him if he did that.
He's asked me to reconsider and he would like to take me out and make up for it profusely.

OP posts:

RantyAunty · 08/03/2022 14:23

Just block this chancer.
He's just sniffing around for some sex.

Original poster

Picolino · 08/03/2022 14:32

it feels like total b*llocks to me.

OP posts:

Ilovethecinema · 08/03/2022 14:45

My ex did this. A few months in to the relationship for a month, I took him back. After I was raped he disappeared for a year and I stupidly took him back. Embarrassingly, I took him back numerous times after. I was at rock bottom and no self worth and I really did love him. Op they never change in my experience, don’t believe his bullshit

LadyMacduff · 08/03/2022 14:46

Hmm, how blatant was the ghosting? Did it peter out or did he outright stop replying to messages?

DH and I were chatting casually on a dating site but it petered out because we both had other dates lined up. After about 2/3 weeks I sent him a message, we got chatting again arranged a date, got on like a house on fire and we've now been married almost seven years with two children.

Anyone who makes any kind of 'commitment' to or emotional investment in someone they have exchanged a few DMs with is frankly deluded. Of course manners are important but until you've met someone in person it's meaningless.

BlingLoving · 08/03/2022 14:49

Well, even if it's not bollocks, the last thing you need is a new relationship where you are cast in the role of helpmate and emotional support person. If he's got all this stuff going on and is struggling et, then it's not a good idea for you guys to get into a relationship anyway.

You could try responding with, "I'm sorry you've had a hard time. I don't think trying again is a good idea. Good luck."

RockinHorseShit · 08/03/2022 14:51

Nah, that's taking the pee, bad place or not a message takes a few seconds. He's bullshitting & had another on the go & it hasn't worked out, so he's now back sniffing around you.

Never make anyone a priority, who only makes you an option.

L40Postcode · 08/03/2022 14:54

There must be a real dearth of men out there that any woman would consider giving a second chance to someone who has treated you appallingly before you’ve even met.

“I’ve got a lot going on right now and I’ve realised it’s been a mistake to sign up to online dating at this time. You seem lovely but I can’t give this any proper headspace at the moment, I’m very sorry for wasting your time”.

That took me about 13 seconds to type ^. This man couldn’t even spare 13 seconds for you.

Original poster

Picolino · 08/03/2022 14:57

@L40Postcode I definitely agree, he didn't get a reply before and he's not getting a reply now!

OP posts:

Boredandsingle · 08/03/2022 15:26

Yes ignore.
I made the mistake of replying to someone who had ghosted me previously, albeit that I grew up with this person so I assumed there would be more accountability but would you believe it- he ghosted me again- that time the block button came in very handy

GentlemanJayFab · 08/03/2022 15:35

The lady that ghosted me. We had a bit of history together so it was even worse.

After a few messages of pleasantries I called her out by saying.

"Do you know it's exactly three years since you ghosted me"

All she could say was how busy she had been with her new business. She had no life at all. So busy.

Rubbish. She'd met a new guy and made a new life with him. Only when it went boobs up did she message me again.

She didn't even say sorry. Ignored my comment and threw in the message about her hard life.

I've ignored her messages since. Lol.

AHungryCaterpillar · 08/03/2022 16:56

Yes ignore the “I gave my ghoster another chance and we are married now” as that is pretty rare so shouldn’t be used as a way to say give him another chance. Most likely thing is he will do it again that’s the most likely outcome don’t even give someone the option to do it again.

billy1966 · 08/03/2022 17:20

Don't respond.

Enjoy his efforts but don't give him another chance.

Not worth it.

Hesheweeshe · 08/03/2022 17:21

It made be true that he wasn't in the right place to start dating you back them and if he had the decency to let you know that at the time and had npw suddenly appeared again amd said i'm now ready to date i would be tempted to say give him the benefit of the doubt but proceed with caution. The fact he ghosted you is an absolute no go. Block and move on .... !!!!

Linguini · 08/03/2022 17:27

He's full of shit, frankly.
He almost certainly had someone else to help him through his "difficult time" and it wasn't you.
Ignore.

RiverSkater · 08/03/2022 18:48

Reel him in then ghost him back.

Original poster

Picolino · 08/03/2022 19:04

I've not responded to anything. If he's even telling the truth, this behaviour prior to meeting someone reeks. I'm not going to lay the foundation to be treated badly.

OP posts:

layladomino · 08/03/2022 19:11

Well done. As you've said, it would have taken seconds for him to message you to say 'sorry I'm going through some difficult stuff so won't be around for a while, I'll be in touch as soon as I can'.

So at best he's rude.

At worst, he's thoughtless / was seeing someone else / is now lying.

Why start seeing someone when you know, at best, they are quite rude and thoughtless when it comes down to it?

Youcansaythatagainandagain · 09/03/2022 00:08

@Picolino

So the ghoster has found me on another dating site and has given me a lot of script about all of his difficulties and to give him another chance as he wants to make it up to me..

So he’s not too busy and overwhelmed to register and trawl different websites then.

As you said OP, it takes seconds to send somebody a message instead of blanking them. Cut your losses!

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