What are your red lines in a relationship?

[blockbustervideo]

And would you absolutely stick to your guns (i.e. leave) if your red line/a were crossed?

Cheating and lying would do it for me

Oops, forgot to add any type of abuse

I'll add to the above woth: Unkindness. Speaking venomously towards me or others. Demeaning language towards or about women.

Also inability to discuss things in a mature manner. Or inability to compromise.

I guess mine are just the basics.

Any physical abuse. Red line. No second chance.

Emotional abuse, I'd probably leave. But that's more insidious, slowly creeping into the relationship. So difficult to pinpoint where the tipping point would be.

Cheating. I'd leave.

I read something once about how important respect was in relationships. Once one partner no longer respects the other the relationship becomes unviable. And that struck a chord with me. Dh really listens to me, my opinion matters, he always treats me with respect, would never belittle me, etc. He does sweet kind things, little things like a cup of coffee in bed every morning.

My relationship prior to dh my boyfriend lied. A lot. About stupid stuff. That he really had no need to lie about. But I found I lost all respect for him. I couldn't trust him, couldn't believe him, and although it really broke my heart at the time I broke up with him.

But I'm in a fortunate position where I'm financially independent, I have enough self assurance to know my worth, etc, so splitting up would be easier than it would be for others.

Future faking

1. Infidelity
2. Abuse be that verbal or physical
3. Drugs of any kind
4. Mean-this I cannot stand.

All of the above, and sexist behaviour and language.

Drugs, even weed. I've been with a drug user and I will not tolerate it ever again.

If he ever raised a hand to me.

Anything less than obviously loving us and showing it while not being any kind of arsehole. No point to a relationship otherwise.

In my marriage, to my shame I tolerated

1. Cheating
2. Physical abuse
3. Emotional abuse/cruelty.

I loved him and couldn't see it was wrong, I blamed myself. The first two I know I wouldn't tolerate again but the third, sadly I'm not sure I would recognise until it's too late, I'm safer alone I think.

Children they don't see ⛳️

Cheating and yes I stuck to it, kicked him out and am divorcing him.

Children they don't see.
Any form of addiction
Lying. Cheating.
Disrespect.
Abuse.
Bigotry of any kind.

All of the above plus gamers. I know people will jump on saying "but I game and it's fine" but I don't care. I read far too many threads about gaming widows and I've been one myself.

Split with a DP of 9 years just before Xmas due to him kicking things over during an argument - he had done this before a couple of times for not for many years so I thought he had changed.

He also made fun of my periods every time we argued “time of the month is it?” Or “oh no, must be rag week” This disrespect was bad enough for the previous 9 years but at this point, when my cycle is over the shop due to peri menopause and I’m taking HRT (which gave my mum breast cancer) I drew the line.

I’ve been heartbroken ever since, as outside of these nasty arguments he was everything I wanted, affectionate, loving, kind, amazing in bed, generous, thoughtful etc.

But once he crossed the physically aggressive line again I had to say no more

All the usual lying, cheating etc and if someone gave me the silent treatment whilst trying to discuss a problem in the relationship. Just been discarded by a narc and that would pinpoint it again for me

1.lying on a dating profile
2 children they don't see

1. calling me names - once is the last time,
2. drugs
3. cheating
4. disrespect of me, my family or my things
5. selfishness
6. unkindness - any sign and I'm out
7. physical abuse or threats

10 loss of temper with inanimate objects 11. a pyscho ex 12. sexism or bigotry 13. silent treatment, lovebombing or any sign of narcissim whatsoever (once bitten...) 14. displays of rage

All of the above but any sign of inequality in the relationship.One example, I was a SAHP for many years but DH and I always had equal access to our accounts. I read all too often of financial abuse on MN when one partner earns significantly more than the other.

Lots of things. Any abuse obviously, including verbal abuse and disrespect. Thinking they can talk to me any which way.

Any sexual sleaze or coercion.

As a PP said- any drugs, including cannabis. I like to think I wouldn't even start dating someone I knew was into that, or if I didn't find out until I was dating them, they'd be dumped.

Drugs and cheating.

Worst relationship advice I was ever given was ' Don't sweat the small stuff' I am now older and wiser and I know to ALWAYS sweat the small stuff, as it is in that that a good relationship is found or lost.

I suppose essentially, if you can't talk things through like reasonable adults, then its time to leave.

1. Serious violence.
2. Serious racism.
3. "Not wanting to put a label on what we have."
4. Pet snakes, ( I'm terrified of snakes).
5. Doesn't want to commit to living together/ children within a reasonable time frame.
6. Really poor hygiene, ( not washing , showering, brushing teeth for days on end).
7. Offensive tatoos.
8. Really messy/ dirty. 9 ) Social media obsessed.

All of the usual plus a wandering eye. Too much interest in looking at, talking about or contacting other women. 'Mentionitis' about female friends (obv not saying they can't have female friends, this is a good thing. It's that point when they'll be talking just a bit too enthusiastically, with a bit a of an eye glint about someone).

None of it necessarily means they're a terrible person or will definitely cheat, they're just not ready to be in a relationship so no point wasting time. I've been lenient about this before and have never been wrong about them not being ready.

@chattycaterpillar

1) Serious violence. 2) Serious racism. 3) "Not wanting to put a label on what we have." 4) Pet snakes, ( I'm terrified of snakes). 5) Doesn't want to commit to living together/ children within a reasonable time frame. 6) Really poor hygiene, ( not washing , showering, brushing teeth for days on end). 7) Offensive tatoos. 8) Really messy/ dirty. 9 ) Social media obsessed.

Does that mean casual violence and casual racism are ok?!