What are your red lines in a relationship?

[blockbustervideo]

And would you absolutely stick to your guns (i.e. leave) if your red line/a were crossed?

Oh I have so so so many 🤣

The list would be loooooooong

One sniff of another woman and that's it, including "just" messages. I wouldn't even have a conversation over it, I'd just be up, packed and gone.

Being tight with his money! I feel this is, a personality trait that goes deeper than just money!!

A pulse

Infidelity which for me includes messaging or Inappropriate flirting whilst out or with colleagues.
It's disrespectful.
I've been cheated on previously, I was gone within the Hr.
Other than that, I'm prepared to communicate over any other obstacle.

One of mine is muttering disrespectful things about me under his breath. That kind of “for fucks sakes she’s a fucking joke” kind of thing but thinking he can’t be heard. My parents did this all the time to each other and I hated it. I don’t know what this is or why people do it but my husband has started doing it and I always thought I’d be out of there at that point. Enforcing boundaries is hard.

I ignored my red flags and wasted 4 years of my life. Gained several stone being unhappy. Finally saw the light and left him 4 months ago and happy now!
🚩blaming rape victims because of how they dressed
🚩derogatory about women
🚩a bully if didn’t get own way
🚩still lived with mother
🚩inflexible regarding opinions
🚩lazy
🚩losing job regularly
🚩coke dealer
🚩terrible manners / eating habits
🚩bad hygiene (think never brushing teeth and wearing same pants and socks for days on end

🤮🤢

A whiff of controlling behaviour

@Marmelace

A pulse

Necrophilia ain't dead then?

Red lines for me are:

• history of cheating
• anger issues / rage / tantrums
• meanness
• inability to empathise with me or other people

Amber lines that give me pause are:

• if I feel inferior or "off" around them, and can't figure out why
• inconsistent behaviour
• referring to multiple exes as "jealous", "controlling" or "possessive" (can mean they had reason to be)
• lack of openness (saying things like "I have plans" instead of "I'm seeing my friends/brother/mom", etc.)

Red lines/flags/would leave:
Physical or verbal abuse
Cheating
Lying
Love-bombing
Lack of self-care
Manchild
Violent sports (to me that means killing things for fun)
Drug user
Mentionitis about exes
Lack of manners

Amber/Proceed with caution:
Tattoos (depends what and where)
Piercings (depends what and where)
Lack of emotional intelligence (I know blokes find it hard to talk emotions but there comes a point..)
Remaining friends with exes (is there really any need if you don’t have kids?)
Unemployed (depends on why)
A braggart (depends on what and if it toned down after the initial trying to impress stage)
Couch potato

Green/all systems go:
Moral rectitude/integrity
Nice eyes
Sense of humour
Gentle
Capable of leaving their ego at the door when discussing my issue with sex
Housetrained/can cook

@DatingDinosaur I suppose it could be thrown in as an option

@Mermaidwaves Try to be kind to your past self. There were reasons why you stayed and it's easy for your current self to judge your past because now you've learnt things you didn't know or see back then.

Gambling (can’t believe this one hasn’t come up as it causes devastation)
Drugs
Idiotic with finances (including MLMs, ‘investing’ in crap, being easily taken in or just spending and never saving)
Having multiple children with multiple women
Being a shit dad (she doesn’t let me see them)
Anything less than perfect hygiene
Mummy’s boy (married to one now and never again)

Cheating, Lying or Porn .....if I catch him doing any of these things he would be gone!

Cheating in any form, physically or emotionally, messaging, social media creeps.
Bad with money, too much dept.
Pot heads, gamers - loser type
Violence
Controlling men
Commitment phobes - you want me properly or not at all, not that they'll get the choice.
Not having their own place to live - no cock lodgers.
Not wanting to plan a future together
No compliments, I'd get bored and end it.
Poor communication
Sadly I've experienced it all and never again which explains why I'm single.

@JustmeandtheKIDS2

Being tight with his money! I feel this is, a personality trait that goes deeper than just money!!

Ohhhh I agree with you here. Definitely down to personality. Literally will break a relationship

Reading this makes me realise I have really low self-respect and tolerate a whole load of shit.

An eye-opener. Thanks for all sharing and to all of you who've had to draw the line. You're brave and inspirational.

I did draw the line on a long marriage (for EA, lying and finally physical abuse) but appear to have blindly sleep-walked into another right fucking mess (lovely bloke but is a future faker).

Liars
Spendthrift
Cheater
Violence
Heavy drinkers or drugs
Work shy

Cruelty of any kind. Physical or mental.

You don't deliberately hurt someone you claim to love.

Disrespect.

Infidelity probably
Disrespect and all its manifestations definitely
Abuse of any kind, including to other people, violent temper like road rage, shouting at waiters etc
Misogyny

One of mine is muttering disrespectful things about me under his breath. That kind of “for fucks sakes she’s a fucking joke” kind of thing but thinking he can’t be heard.

They know the person they're talking about can hear them @needingpeace . It's verbal abuse. Please bin him ASAP and never be on the receiving end from him again.

A pulse

@Marmelace

@EarthSight
I am filled with self loathing but I hope to find peace, thank you for your kindness

@B0J0ker

Reading this makes me realise I have really low self-respect and tolerate a whole load of shit.

An eye-opener. Thanks for all sharing and to all of you who've had to draw the line. You're brave and inspirational.

I did draw the line on a long marriage (for EA, lying and finally physical abuse) but appear to have blindly sleep-walked into another right fucking mess (lovely bloke but is a future faker).

It’s hard because they’re never nasty all the time, there will be good stuff that you feel outweighs the bad, and it won’t be all the time, so the ‘urgency’ to leave just doesn’t happen - once the moment passes and they’re back to being lovely it just feels so wrong to upend it all. Don’t be hard on yourself for tolerating it . Once you reach your limit you will make the changes.