Hate myself after night out

[Beerfear5]

I had a night out with a friend last night and I’m feeling awful today, filled with regret over how I’ve behaved. For context, I’m a 33 year old female, married with two children. I also have mental health issues and because of this, I very rarely drink as, although I’ll have fun at the time, it can exacerbate my problems the following day/days.

I’m a really happy drunk and just want to be friends with everyone and have a laugh. While I was drunk we were in a pub and the bar man made a heart shape with his hands. I will add I did not find this bar man remotely attractive. I did a heart sign back whilst laughing about it with my friend.

Today, I feel awful for this. My husband is lovely and although I know it was just a joke, I keep thinking “if I told him I did that, he’d be really hurt”. I now feel like I’m being deceitful if I don’t tell him and I also feel bad that my friend knows I did that and almost like that adds another level of deceit into the mix.

I know this sounds completely irrational. Reading this back, I know I sound crazy, but I do suffer from ocd and part of my ocd is a compulsion to confess. I suppose I’m trying to do that on here rather than confess to my husband and risk really hurting him over something that legitimately was nothing. I’ve just woken up today feeling like I don’t deserve my lovely husband and my two beautiful kids.

Am I as bad of a person as I think I am? I’m really grateful for any replies.

Beer fear.

I suspect it’s not you’re behaviour but the effect of alcohol on your chemical balance. Maybe trying going out but not drinking if it makes you feel like this.

Said nicely- Get a grip!!

Your other thinking this, you did nothing wrong.

Awww OP you’re hungover and in the grip of the hideous panicky low that brings.

Do not stress! What you did was nothing - merely a joking response in the moment, no more than returning a hello really - you’ve done nothing wrong and please just give your body and mind a chance to rebalance after hitting it with the alcohol stick.

So: don’t feel bad, you’ve got nothing to worry about or repent for. Have a nourishing brunch and a coffee and maybe a long bath.

Ok OP, I think you’re feeling a bit of hangover anxiety.

You’ve done nothing wrong at all, it was nothing, it was just a silly thing and it’s forgotten about by everyone already

Make yourself a nice tea or coffee, get some breakfast if you haven’t already and please don’t beat yourself up about this.

This is a massive over reaction

You did nothing wrong. But I get how you feel, I’m a couple of years younger and could have written this post. My anxiety has a lot to answer for.

Of course you’re not a bad person. And I’d be amazed if your husband would do anything other than piss himself laughing about you making a heart sign at a barman you didn’t fancy.

You know this isn’t the reality of the situation, it’s your mental health problems making you feel this way.

I wife agree with pp's above. Ease off the worry.

I once, in the sober light of day was blown an air kiss and on instinct I returned it. It wasn't my partner. Your heart response feels to me to be in a similar vein.

You've done nothing wrong, sweetheart. You'll feel better as the days goes on. You're okay xx

You do deserve your lovely husband and kids.
You sound very skilled at punishing yourself and putting yourself down. I thought you were going to say you’d done an strip or something that made People laugh at you nastily.

But it’sa good idea to Confess on here. We’ve heard you, I hire you feel you’ve got it off your chest.

For the ones saying its an over reaction, you clearly don't get beer fear/hangxiety, it's a real thing made so much worse if you have depression/anxiety already and can take a day or two to pass.

OP, it's shit, and it will pass. Now get some bananas, salted crisps and a fizzy drink down you. You've done nothing wrong.

I laughed at the first reply to your post as my first thought was "beer fear" . I don't drink any more because the following day of anxiety just isn't worth it .

I always woke in the night gripped with fear thinking that I had said or done something terrible . I even dreamt that arguments had happened when they hadn't at all .

I would say that if you are an anxious person , the best thing you can do is stop drinking alcohol.

Op, you were merry and the most important thing was the intention behind the action. It was utterly meaningless! So please forgive yourself and move on!

You haven’t snogged anyone, or gave anyone your number, it was innocent, you’ve done nothing wrong.

Your NOT a bad person, and you DEFINITELY deserve your family x

I totally understand the OCD coupled with alcohol induced anxiety! It's normal and you just need to ride it out as best as you can. What can you do today or this morning to distract yourself and take your mind off of it? Have a bath, go for a walk listening to a good podcast/music, go shopping, bake or cook something? Or, plan something lovely for your Husband: for the month of November last year I did a little 'treat a day' for mine in little boxes, with different photos of of us and nice affirmations about him and us. It helped me remember the strength of our relationship and he loved it.

The after booze blues.

You've done absolutely nothing wrong. Honestly. Nothing! It's the equivalent of giving the barman a thumbs up.

Hangxiety! Relax, it's all ok!

Muy first thought when I read the title was that probably you had slept with someone else.

It was just silly fun, please don’t worry at all.

You'll feel better tomorrow. You're just riddled with anxiety today which is very normal when hungover, we've all been there.

I didn't realised hangxiety was a thing.

OP we're strangers on the internet and can be objective. What you did was not a bad thing or anything approaching disloyalty to your husband. It just sounds like you were having fun and letting off steam. Even the bar man didn't take it seriously - he didn't approach you or try to get your number, he just made a sign to say you're attractive.

Would your husband really be that upset or is it just your anxiety talking.

OP we're strangers on the internet and can be objective.

This is a really good point to remember OP. If you're used to mumsnet at all then you'd know people aren't in the last bit afraid to hand it to someone they think deserves it. The fact everyone on here has said you've done absolutely nothing wrong really is a good indication!

You guys are all so kind. Thank you so much.

I really don’t mean to drip feed, but something else happened on the night out. My friend and I bumped into a guy who we hung out with for the night, he had a girlfriend (or so he said) and was another English speaking person (I live overseas). His friends didn’t turn up so we let him join us. I lost my purse on the night out and while my friend went to the toilet, I walked back to the previous pub to try to find it. The guy walked with me and walked with his arm around my waist. I didn’t like it at all and it made me feel uncomfortable but I felt a bit vulnerable and afraid to ask him not to. As soon as we got back to the other pub, I told my friend and said I wanted to go home. I have told my husband this part as it seemed like a bigger deal. I suppose it’s the combination of these two events that are making me feel like a bad wife and undeserving of the lovely life I have.

Ah stop op, that sounds hilarious! You sound like great fun. To add to everyone else .... it's the fear. It's chemical. Don't be panicking! Look after yourself today

Chill out OP! You did nothing wrong! Hope you had a fun night 🥂🎉

@Beerfear5, you're not a bad person and you've done nothing wrong. But me telling you that won't really help. It's anxiety, hangover and your guilt all rolled into one.
Can you speak to your dh? You don't have to even mention the interaction with the barman. You could just open a discussion about drinking and how it makes you feel. Your chat could end in you telling him how lucky you feel having him and your children. This will definitely make you feel better.
( I hope this doesn't sound too soppy. It's just that I've been there and my dh would listen and reassure me. I'm thinking yours is the same?)
Also, to avoid feeling like this again, maybe rethink your intake on your next night out ? Or what you drank? ( I'm fine on beers, spirits when out. Wine - no !!).
You can still enjoy yourself. And the next day feel great, too.