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Original poster

Boyfriend googling neighbour

91 replies

Karajane1 · 05/03/2022 00:33

We have a neighbour, she's pretty, I get that. My boyfriend recently spoke to her about some work that needed doing on our property.
All fine. However, I've just seen that my boyfriend has googled her. Ok, fine. But he's googling her name xx and our postcode. He finds her surname, then Google's her surname, then looking her up on Instagram. Ok, fine. But I looked and this wasn't the first time he has tried to find her.

I can't understand why someone would go to the effort of trying to find someones surname, to then trying to find her on Instagram etc

Is this normal?

OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 05/03/2022 09:47

@girlmom21

I like a good internet stalk, personally. Don't you Google people who are going to interview you for jobs or whatever? Maybe he's just inquisitive.

I don't know why people are jumping to the assumption he's looking for something to wank over. Maybe they just know really scummy men.

I agree with this. I'm nosey! So i love a good Google of people. Only you can know if he's the kinda guy likely to look up real people to wank over OP.
CockingASnook · 05/03/2022 09:47

It’s creepy behaviour but not unusual. It doesn’t mean he fancies her, he’s ‘just’ looking for photos of her. I’m sure plenty of people Google co-workers (though might draw the line at neighbours). You need to decide whether you’re OK with the nosiness of it.

underum · 05/03/2022 09:47

It depends on how nosey he is normally. Is he normally nosey?!

Yesterday I was nosey enough to google Charlie Dimmock to see what she looked like when she as younger (very attractive!) yet I am a straight woman.

Littlebylittlelittle · 05/03/2022 09:51

[quote baileys6904]@littlebylittlelittle.do you often masturbate to people you've hired then? Is that exclusive to self employed traders or run to supermarket workers and taxi drivers too? The op has already said they were looking to hire the neighbour for work. It's so sad people automatically assume the worst for something that can so easily be explained.

Incidentally I've googled lots of folk. Never once wanked thinking of them tho. Strange that...[/quote]
Absolutely not . My point is that many people here seem to agree that when men are looking up pictures of women they are ATTRACTED to they often use those images to masterbate
Which is exactly why I asked IF she believes her husband uses the ones he is attracted to for that , as other have suggested and if that would bother her
Perhaps you should read my post proplerky before making assumptions about what I am saying
At no time did I say he DID do that , or that SHE did that OR that I do that !
I asked a question relating to whether she feels he does and if that would bother her . It was a direct question. About him looking up those that he’s attracted to !

Littlebylittlelittle · 05/03/2022 09:52

I look up people but don’t seek out men I’m attracted too
. I tend to be inquisitive too . In fact so inquisitive I tend to read peoples posts clearly and not attack them for asking simple questions
Funny that Grin

Tamworth123 · 05/03/2022 09:53

@Littlebylittlelittle

I was being sarcastic.

In lune with the posters who all think.ops fiance finding out their pretty neighbour's surname in order to get on her Sm, specially an image site with pics of her is not sexual in any way.

It's just idle curiosity like them when they Google stalk people.

Ticksallboxes · 05/03/2022 09:54

Ok to answer the above two posts quoting me, 20 years ago this scenario would have played out as the OP's DH chatting to an attractive neighbour and then getting a little crush and probably having a few sexual fantasies over the coming weeks before it fizzled out in his head.

I think men, including those in long term relationships, do this on a very regular basis - they're not designed to be monogamous and this is how they cope with it.

The only difference now is that there's the means to look them up and see photos of them. I'm amazed that I'm the only person I know whose Instagram and Facebook are both private.

grapewines · 05/03/2022 09:55

I don't think it's necessary the stalking that bothers me

It should. It's creepy. He's being a creep.

Mondaymanic · 05/03/2022 09:55

To be totally honest I'd be really p*ssed off about this and he obviously fancies her. But on the other hand I know I've done similar (not with neighbour but random other people) often just out of sheer nosiness (even if their attractiveness was what caught my eye). So I'd call them out on it but probably wouldn't read a massive amount into it if there is nothing else giving you dodgy vibes?

Littlebylittlelittle · 05/03/2022 09:56

[quote Tamworth123]@Littlebylittlelittle

I was being sarcastic.

In lune with the posters who all think.ops fiance finding out their pretty neighbour's surname in order to get on her Sm, specially an image site with pics of her is not sexual in any way.

It's just idle curiosity like them when they Google stalk people.[/quote]
Yes true Smile
And I do hope the OP realises she needs to trust her intuition

Tamworth123 · 05/03/2022 09:56

The op has already said they were looking to hire the neighbour for work

The op didn't say that what the op said was that he talked to her about work they needed to get done; it could be the worknaffects her propert/garden.

It's not clear.

And the posters who said they look up pll who are doing work for them (which isnt clear if this is the case at a) ... you look up their Instagram???!!!

JollyAndBright · 05/03/2022 09:57

I asked my DP for his take on it.

“That’s really weird and sleazy, it’s something you would do if you fancy someone.
Definitely not normal male behaviour, definitely not normal neighbourly behaviour.”

Tamworth123 · 05/03/2022 09:58

(Why would you look up a social media image site of someone doing work for you, unless there are images of their work 9n there?)

Littlebylittlelittle · 05/03/2022 09:58

@Ticksallboxes

Ok to answer the above two posts quoting me, 20 years ago this scenario would have played out as the OP's DH chatting to an attractive neighbour and then getting a little crush and probably having a few sexual fantasies over the coming weeks before it fizzled out in his head.

I think men, including those in long term relationships, do this on a very regular basis - they're not designed to be monogamous and this is how they cope with it.

The only difference now is that there's the means to look them up and see photos of them. I'm amazed that I'm the only person I know whose Instagram and Facebook are both private.

I don’t agree with the ‘men are not made to be monogomous ‘ so we will have to agree to disagree But I notice you didn’t answer the second part of my question. Not saying you would but Would he be ok with you doing the same ?
baileys6904 · 05/03/2022 10:03

@littlebylittlelittle this is a relationship forum which many people seek out due to having issues in their relationship. There is a huge bias against men on here, and the default thinking is that men are either cheating or they aren't only due to lack of opportunity. Hide behind the majority and your insinuations if you like, whatever

And @tamworth123 yes of course. It's is a visual trade, then Instagram is the best way to find past work and reviews? Not everything is Facebook or bust

Littlebylittlelittle · 05/03/2022 10:04

@Ticksallboxes

Also if what you say is true and men are not designed to be monogomous why would or should we have relationships with them
Isn’t that just fighting what you consider to be ‘nature’
Trying someone to monogamy that doesn’t have it in their nature seems completely wrong and no relationship thag I’d enter. . Imagine a man gets on one knee and says
My love will you marry me
I don’t want to be monogamous but I’ll try
Because it’s going to be a massive problem for me just having boring old you to have sex with , I’ll have to jerk off to other women 😂

Tamworth123 · 05/03/2022 10:05

Lol at the talk.to him as well.

Yeah, he's going to say, I fancy her and I wanted to see if thete are any pics of her online for (at best) eye candy (at worst) wank material.... and was doing it the day before I proposed to you (as well as the other times).

Yeah he's def going to be upfront and say that.

Littlebylittlelittle · 05/03/2022 10:07

[quote baileys6904]@littlebylittlelittle this is a relationship forum which many people seek out due to having issues in their relationship. There is a huge bias against men on here, and the default thinking is that men are either cheating or they aren't only due to lack of opportunity. Hide behind the majority and your insinuations if you like, whatever

And @tamworth123 yes of course. It's is a visual trade, then Instagram is the best way to find past work and reviews? Not everything is Facebook or bust[/quote]
Oh a huge bias against men . Do you mean like the huge bias against women so many other forums
The way women are used as commodities all over the internet . Where women are talked about like trash on mgtow forums … or just gaming and general internet where women are treated like crap ?

This bias you speak of .. i don’t see it

. This is people with opinions , whether you or I like them , people are entitled to them

You misread and miscalculated my post and accused me of saying things I simply wasn’t
An apology would have been the correct response rather than allleging everyone here has a bias against men

Tamworth123 · 05/03/2022 10:12

Neither sex is naturally monogamous

Hence speed competition, the fact that a certain percentage of children men think are theirs turn out to be not, attached women having affairs etc etc.

We have an often uncomfortable comprimise of monogamy - with sneaky cheating and similar behaviours always present.

This behaviour..... to me personally, I could be accepting that my partner will meet ppl he fancies and maybe fantasise about them etc. But seeking out their details, searchong 192 people etc., looking up their social media, looking up their Instagram for pics etc isxa step further and too far imo.

Also it would detract from/taint your marriage proposal to know he was doing it so close to then.

Tamworth123 · 05/03/2022 10:13

&
And @tamworth123 yes of course. It's is a visual trade, then Instagram is the best way to find past work and reviews? Not everything is Facebook or bust

Cool.

But in thus case I doubt op meant this woman is doing work for them.

dworky · 05/03/2022 10:16

Bloody hell, it's irrelevant that he fancies her. How much more dodgy behaviour do you need to see the huge red flag?

baileys6904 · 05/03/2022 10:18

@littlebylittlelittle the fact you can't even acknowledge the bias says enough about you. You weren't misrepresented sweetie, you just didn't like the meaning of your words reflected back at you.

And @tamworth123 oh I doubt it too, with the way she said "My boyfriend recently spoke to her about some work that needed doing on our property" in her opening post. Absolute stretch to think that, clearly

Littlebylittlelittle · 05/03/2022 10:18

@Tamworth123

Neither sex is naturally monogamous

Hence speed competition, the fact that a certain percentage of children men think are theirs turn out to be not, attached women having affairs etc etc.

We have an often uncomfortable comprimise of monogamy - with sneaky cheating and similar behaviours always present.

This behaviour..... to me personally, I could be accepting that my partner will meet ppl he fancies and maybe fantasise about them etc. But seeking out their details, searchong 192 people etc., looking up their social media, looking up their Instagram for pics etc isxa step further and too far imo.

Also it would detract from/taint your marriage proposal to know he was doing it so close to then.

Yes exactly And the example of the marriage proposal would be akin to my partner searching people we know There is certainly enough anonymous porn available To be seeking out neighbours or customers or friends to get off on is crossing a line . I’d consider it disrespectful to me and to them I mean heck imagine. Knowing your neighbour was inside searching your pics and doing that … yuk

And yes neither sex is naturally monogomous
I just can’t understand why someone would think it’s specifically only men
That view seems really sexist and outdated

caoixr · 05/03/2022 10:20

Oh I regularly Internet stalk neighbours. Don't you have any curiosity about the people you live nearby to?

Littlebylittlelittle · 05/03/2022 10:21

[quote baileys6904]@littlebylittlelittle the fact you can't even acknowledge the bias says enough about you. You weren't misrepresented sweetie, you just didn't like the meaning of your words reflected back at you.

And @tamworth123 oh I doubt it too, with the way she said "My boyfriend recently spoke to her about some work that needed doing on our property" in her opening post. Absolute stretch to think that, clearly[/quote]
Nope I asked question . You the decided to attack me . !
Oh and btw I’m not your sweetie
Don’t know if you realise how incredibly patronising you come across as
Oh of course you do . Who am I kidding lol