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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner told my sister he wanted to sleep with her

53 replies

me271234 · 02/03/2022 20:34

Hi all, I have found myself in a situation and don't know how to deal with it without yelling at my partner. At my brothers wake my partner of 12 years told me sister that he basically wanted to have sex with her and eventually they will have sex one day, my partner was drunk at the time so my sister just laughed it off. She told me about a week or so later, obviously I wasn't very happy, I confronted my partner who denied and denied it at first but then came clean and said he was drunk and says stupid things when he is drunk, to be honest that's not something I would even consider saying if I was drunk myself. The thing is I've always thought he had a thing for my sister, he's always winding her up and sometimes practically flirting with her in front of me. I have another sister also, but he is never like that with her. I'm struggling to get my head around it all and I don't think I can trust him now, it has hurt me to the core. I'm just in limbo at the moment because I don't know what to do, everytime I talk to him I just get angry. Any advice would be great.

OP posts:
Original poster
me271234 · 02/03/2022 20:36

Sorry about any spelling mistakes, not sure how to edit it.

OP posts:
BoodleBug51 · 02/03/2022 20:37

So you were burying your brother, your partner gets drunk and hits on your sister?

It's not a case of thinking you can't trust him, it's knowing full well that you can't.

I'm really sorry for your loss Flowers

CrumpetStrumpet · 02/03/2022 20:37

I've seen some shocking things on here op, but this made my jaw drop.

He wants to share your sister and his boundaries are so far gone that he would mention it at your brothers wake. He is disgusting.

There would be no chat to be had if it was my relationship. He would be gone. You deserve better that this sleazy, unboundaried low life. I'm angry on your (and your sisters) behalfs.

Lsquiggles · 02/03/2022 20:38

That is shocking and I wouldn't be able to get that past that tbh

CrumpetStrumpet · 02/03/2022 20:38

shag your sister

Beamur · 02/03/2022 20:39

Ex partner surely? What a complete bell end
So sorry you have been treated so shabbily here.

Original poster
me271234 · 02/03/2022 20:41

Thank you, I am so angry too, I can't look at him. We have 2 children together, I have some savings but mainly he has all the money he has earnt and the house we live in belongs to him, so I'm in a difficult situation. I know what I need to do but I just got to get funds together to be able to leave.

OP posts:
Woofwoofbarkbark · 02/03/2022 20:44

It's so hard when someone you truly love hurts you OP. I can see why you haven't up and left him. Life isn't so simple.

I can see why you're hurt too. It's awful. The comment itself is upsetting and would make me feel physically sick with jealousy I think but on top of all that you also know that he flirts with her and there's probably truth in what he said.

I don't know what to suggest. Talk it out with a good friend, don't try and talk to him if you feel anything but calm and have a chat with your sister... does she flirt back?

Itsallinthebook · 02/03/2022 20:44

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn

YisforWanky · 02/03/2022 20:46

Get out of this soap opera of a life and find a partner who doesn't tell your sister he wants to shag her.

Aprilx · 02/03/2022 20:48

I don’t think there is any way back from that, sorry OP. I have been the sister in a similar scenario, it was the beginning of the end for them once I told my sister.

Original poster
me271234 · 02/03/2022 20:53

No my sister doesn't flirt back, I think she just thinks he's being annoying. She has never given him any indication that she's at all interested in that way. Unfortunately yes there have been times when he has been disrespectful and tbh I should of run for the hills then, but decided to stick it out, but it just keeps happening. I agree there was truth in it especially as I have witnessed him flirting with her and that's what hurts me most. Not that I'm body conciense or anything but she has a good figure and always works out and now I just feel like a heffer, although I know I don't look like one, if that makes sense?.

OP posts:
Lurking9to5 · 02/03/2022 20:55

That's the most disrespectful thing I've ever heard. To you, to your sister, to your brother.

Original poster
me271234 · 02/03/2022 21:07

Thank you for all your comments guys, I'm slightly embarrassed to talk with my friends about this yet.

OP posts:
Itsallinthebook · 02/03/2022 21:12

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/03/2022 21:12

Well take some comfort from the fact that you know that you can trust your sister.

I would perhaps start with her and ask for her help in getting away from manky specimen.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 02/03/2022 21:12

@me271234

Thank you, I am so angry too, I can't look at him. We have 2 children together, I have some savings but mainly he has all the money he has earnt and the house we live in belongs to him, so I'm in a difficult situation. I know what I need to do but I just got to get funds together to be able to leave.
I wish women wouldn't do this - give all the power to the bloke, have children when you have no entitlement to the house, no protection - I am so sorry for you. You are going to have to get rid of him.

Has he been a jerk before or is this out of leftfield?

I don't have kids but everyone else here who does will have much more practical info than me.

worriedmummyofboys · 02/03/2022 21:12

G

Really18 · 02/03/2022 21:21

What a wanker.

Original poster
me271234 · 02/03/2022 21:24

He has been a jerk before. A year and a half after we got together I found out he was messaging a girl back and forth. She was clearly more into him, his messages back weren't very saucy but you could tell he was clearly feeding the fire. I just found out I was pregnant with his baby at that stage 😬

OP posts:
SheldonesqueTheBstard · 02/03/2022 21:27

You shouldn’t be embarrassed about HIS behaviour.

He’s a prince read cunt

Marineboy67 · 02/03/2022 21:28

A similar thing happened to my girlfriend at her father's funeral. She being the youngest of 3 daughters was approached by her eldest sisters husband saying "Oh now your single how about it? " she told him to fuck off and decided not to tell her sister. She did however tell her middle sister who took it upon herself to tell the eldest against my girlfriends wishes. The fallout was massive and her husband denied it. Her eldest sister in her blind naivety and not wishing to face the truth sided with her husband.
12 years on and none of them have spoken to each other as a result of that selfish bastards behaviour. Such a shame and difficult for her mum in-between them all.
It was a vile thing for your husband to say, hard to move forward after that as there will have been an element of truth in what he said to your sister despite the alcohol.

Original poster
me271234 · 02/03/2022 21:39

Omg Marineboy that is so sad 😞. Its angers me that it has destroyed a family and the husband just thinks he's got off scot free.

OP posts:
Lurking9to5 · 02/03/2022 21:43

@Marineboy67

A similar thing happened to my girlfriend at her father's funeral. She being the youngest of 3 daughters was approached by her eldest sisters husband saying "Oh now your single how about it? " she told him to fuck off and decided not to tell her sister. She did however tell her middle sister who took it upon herself to tell the eldest against my girlfriends wishes. The fallout was massive and her husband denied it. Her eldest sister in her blind naivety and not wishing to face the truth sided with her husband. 12 years on and none of them have spoken to each other as a result of that selfish bastards behaviour. Such a shame and difficult for her mum in-between them all. It was a vile thing for your husband to say, hard to move forward after that as there will have been an element of truth in what he said to your sister despite the alcohol.
Oh a similar thing happened to me. Friends not sisters but my friend was about to buy a house with her boyfriend who made a pass at me. I turned him down and he got quite abusive Confused told me he knew people who could kill me. Utter nonsense. I told her sister her told her and she rang me up at work and interrogated me and I answered her questions truthfully. She bought a house with him anyway and then I was excluded from everything that was arranged for years. I still saw some of them separately but i was never in the group again.
IrishKatie1971 · 02/03/2022 21:46

At your brother's wake? WTAF???? You're grieving and he pulls this short of shit? He should be supporting you!!! Sorry, no way back from this, I don't care how drunk he was. He's a despicable slimeball.