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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner told my sister he wanted to sleep with her

53 replies

me271234 · 02/03/2022 20:34

Hi all, I have found myself in a situation and don't know how to deal with it without yelling at my partner. At my brothers wake my partner of 12 years told me sister that he basically wanted to have sex with her and eventually they will have sex one day, my partner was drunk at the time so my sister just laughed it off. She told me about a week or so later, obviously I wasn't very happy, I confronted my partner who denied and denied it at first but then came clean and said he was drunk and says stupid things when he is drunk, to be honest that's not something I would even consider saying if I was drunk myself. The thing is I've always thought he had a thing for my sister, he's always winding her up and sometimes practically flirting with her in front of me. I have another sister also, but he is never like that with her. I'm struggling to get my head around it all and I don't think I can trust him now, it has hurt me to the core. I'm just in limbo at the moment because I don't know what to do, everytime I talk to him I just get angry. Any advice would be great.

OP posts:

whynotwhatknot · 02/03/2022 21:47

Disgusting happened in my dh family although they never told the sister(still dont know why)

start saving so you can leave

IrishKatie1971 · 02/03/2022 22:14

@me271234

He has been a jerk before. A year and a half after we got together I found out he was messaging a girl back and forth. She was clearly more into him, his messages back weren't very saucy but you could tell he was clearly feeding the fire. I just found out I was pregnant with his baby at that stage 😬

So he has form for being unfaithful or at least attempting to be. Early in your relationship too. But you forgave him. This must happen to so many people. myself included. Forgiving endlessly. But you must have your last straw now surely. His nerve to me means he has probably already cheated with others, sorry to say. This is not a good man. Contact Women's Aid for support and advice XXX

MsDogLady · 02/03/2022 22:19

He’s a pig who fancies your Sister and acts on it by flirting in front of you and voicing his desire to her. He also has a history of crossing lines with another woman.

You previously posted about his disgusting behavior when your DD was a baby. He refused to share night feedings because “She’s a girl” when you were begging him for help, as you were exhausted from handling all the responsibilities for both children, plus the house. He wasn’t working at the time, but was lazy, entitled and and disrespectful.

OP, you need to formulate an exit plan to get away from this revolting man.

CrumpetStrumpet · 02/03/2022 22:36

He wouldn't share night feeds because your baby was a girl?

Fuck me op. This man is vile. Please don't stay with him.

MsDogLady · 02/03/2022 22:54

That was his pathetic excuse. He did help with their first baby’s feedings—a boy.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 02/03/2022 23:11

@CrumpetStrumpet

He wouldn't share night feeds because your baby was a girl?

Fuck me op. This man is vile. Please don't stay with him.

He's misogynistic, nuts, disrespectful and just terrible.

PrinnyPree · 02/03/2022 23:14

He's a disgusting piece of shit, both you and your sister were grieving your brother and he decided this was a time to be a dirty perv. So sorry for your loss OP. I wouldn't be able to ever get past that betrayal and his exploitation of grief to target my vulnerable sister myself.

Ohyesiam · 02/03/2022 23:17

What I don’t get is that you are trying to avoid yelling at him. That’s what the situation demands.
I’m really sorry you are being put through this, on top of the loss of your brother

DeeCeeCherry · 02/03/2022 23:19

This has happened shortly after you and your sister have lost your brother. & at an event to commemorate his life.

Scum behaviour. In your shoes I wouldnt even be able to look at the filth again, my skin would crawl.

Holothane · 02/03/2022 23:19

Ives heard some things but this is shocking words fail me hugs.

MunchyMonsters · 02/03/2022 23:36

OP, with kindness... stop letting this pig of a man walk all over you. You have children and it's obvious he isn't a good role model, so it's down to you.

Leave him, do the freedom programme.

Best of luck

CPL593H · 02/03/2022 23:49

Alcohol can cause disinhibition but does not "make people do things". It can allow them to do things they would not dare do sober, though. This is the real him, this is what he is, someone who would proposition your own sister at your brother's funeral. In no ones world is that OK.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/03/2022 00:00

Everything that's happening now is a foregone conclusion. You have always known who this man really is, but now you can no longer ignore it. Get out as soon as you can.

Bunty55 · 03/03/2022 00:12

Many years ago I had a boyfriend who cheated on me.
Everybody knew and nobody told me. He did it loads of times before I found out . We were engaged and had bought a house together. He treated me like shit and I eventually ended things but not before he had completely humiliated me.
A friend told me about one of the girls and I was devastated as I liked her.

He had been seeing her during the week and then when we went out at the weekend we would see her with her boyfriend who was always drunk and I commented that she was too nice for him and he made a weird comment back saying she wasn't that nice which at the time I thought was a bit odd until I found out.
Then my sister told me he had given her a lift home one night and made a pass at her. She called him a wanker.
He told her he had always fancied her.

When I finished with him he could not believe I was capable of it but I never looked back.

One night some years later I was having a drink with a girlfriend and we saw him in a pub. He told my friend he wished he could turn the clock back.
I felt the same as he wasted five years of my life.

Making a pass at your sister is the lowest of the low IMHO

SomePosters · 03/03/2022 00:22

Surely you had an ex boyfriend who said that?

Have some self respect woman!

If you let people treat you like that then they will continue too

Tallisimo · 03/03/2022 00:30

OP, I’m so sorry. Your ‘partner’ is a vile specimen who has no respect for you. His disgusting behaviour at the wake for your brother (I’m sorry for your loss) has shown you yet again what he is really like. I think you are right to make plans to leave him - can you get your sister and other family and friends to help you? Support from those who really love you and care for you will make such a difference.

Shinestar83 · 03/03/2022 00:44

OP, I know its hurts but I do not think this is something acceptable. Maybe you love him, you dont want leave him but love yourself more - by saying loving yourself I dont mean being selfish dont love someone but respect yourself and love and say yourself nobody can hurt you like this. Sometimes staying is harder then leaving..

EeeICouldRipATissue · 03/03/2022 00:50

Jeez - I don't usually jump to saying this on here but seriously, LTB!
Ditch.
You deserve so much more.

Momijin · 03/03/2022 00:53

Making a pass at your sister is vile. Making a pass at your sister at your brother's wake is reprehensible.

Ditch him op.

KneadingKitty · 03/03/2022 01:16

He's a piece of shit. It's a shame he's your partner and not your husband because the revenge would be much sweeter.

Sofacouchboredom · 03/03/2022 06:30

Seek legal advice today. Without fail. Start to shore yourself up so if you choose to leave you can.

Please don’t stay with this awful man. How utterly disrespectful to you, your sister and your brother.

HoppingPavlova · 03/03/2022 06:37

Nope, nothing to do with alcohol. You could be drunk to the point of passing out and this wouldn’t cross anyone’s mind let alone their lips - unless they are a disgraceful piece of shit. Which he is.

Migrainesbythedozen · 03/03/2022 07:02

@me271234

Thank you, I am so angry too, I can't look at him. We have 2 children together, I have some savings but mainly he has all the money he has earnt and the house we live in belongs to him, so I'm in a difficult situation. I know what I need to do but I just got to get funds together to be able to leave.

Let me guess; like the OP on www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4492742-two-separate-worlds you're also not married?

KindlyKanga · 03/03/2022 07:08

Oh my you poor thing. And at your brothers wake! What a tosser.

user1471517095 · 03/03/2022 07:13

I had recently split up with my partner as he had cheated. I finally moved all my stuff out and started getting over him. That's when my Identical Twin sister told me he had phoned her one night whilst I was on a night out, asking her to come round. She'd told my dad but they decided to say nothing. I really wish they'd told me at the time.
You need to leave him, now you know this things will never be the same. And if he'll hit on your sister he has no limits.

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