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Original poster

Two Separate Worlds

71 replies

HM15 · 27/02/2022 19:50

Been with partner for nearly 10 years...

We live in HIS house as he's always refused to buy together (until recently but that's a story for another time)...

I work as does he and we share a DD who's 7. Now he has always said he doesn't want me to contribute anything to the house and yes I am very grateful (but it is his mortgage). I pay for everything regarding our daughter and always have and do the weekly food shop - so I do contribute and have always said I'll help where needed. An example being I offered to pay the mortgage etc when he was made redundant.

Now we go food shopping today and he gets a few bits and I get out dd lunch stuff for school tomorrow and he separates the two and pays for his only! Then says I pay for f**k all else!

Am I wrong for thinking Jesus seriously this is not normal!!!

Then when we go home he said have I put the heating on? I said yes it was freezing! Also thinking of our dd and he says in-front of her - you pay fuck all for this house please don't touch the heating!

Time to go right?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/02/2022 19:52

It's way past time to go. Why have you put up with this for so long?

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 27/02/2022 19:55

My ex was the same. I left with dc's stuff. He was very welcome to his fucking house and all his debt
Started afresh quite happily..
As you will be told op you have left yourself very vulnerable.. But in another way easier to walk away.

Original poster
HM15 · 27/02/2022 20:01

Vulnerable, yes... but I've always maintained working hard in my career because of this. Meaning a few months at my mums whilst I apply for mortgage or rent. I've been stupid in one sense my tried to be sensible in others x

OP posts:
LadyLolaRuben · 27/02/2022 20:18

Im sorry OP he doesn't see your living arrangement as a team with pooled resources, split in different ways. He doesn't respect your contribution - food and child costs. I can't see how he thinks this is a relationship. I'd leave. If the space you give him results in him seeing how stupid he's been, I would only agree to a reconciliation if you moved together into a new home split fairly

Original poster
HM15 · 28/02/2022 06:57

...he should contribute in some ways to our child anyway shouldn't he?

OP posts:
Joystir59 · 28/02/2022 07:01

Of course he should contribute to his own daughter!

pinkfondu · 28/02/2022 07:08

Woah no, no, no, speak to your mum today. Do not look back. This is it, you will not find a way back with that attitude.

pinkfondu · 28/02/2022 07:09

@HM15

...he should contribute in some ways to our child anyway shouldn't he?
I also fell into paying every for the kids. It's a dangerous precedent as they expect it.
pansypotter123 · 28/02/2022 07:17

Have you always paid for all the food? I wonder why he's suddenly decided to pay for just his own? But yes, time to go - do you have savings?

Dilbertian · 28/02/2022 07:32

Now he has always said he doesn't want me to contribute anything to the house and yes I am very grateful (but it is his mortgage)

Probably not out of generosity, but to protect his assets and make sure that you cannot claim any right to any part of his property.

MiniCooperLover · 28/02/2022 07:38

Now he has always said he doesn't want me to contribute anything to the house and yes I am very grateful (but it is his mortgage)

This is not something to be grateful for OP, he's making sure he can be ready if you split that you will have no claim on the house. Definitely time to move on before he kicks you out.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 28/02/2022 07:56

@HM15

...he should contribute in some ways to our child anyway shouldn't he?

Absolutely yes

Submit a claim to CMS on the day you leave - hopefully today!

ElleGB · 28/02/2022 08:06

He has refused your contributions to protect himself - you have no claim on the house. You have nothing to show you’ve contributed financially for ten years and that’s exactly what he wanted.

Move out and make sure you claim child support from him, he’s vile.

Original poster
HM15 · 28/02/2022 08:34

... he's always said he will never move as he loves his house. Then on Friday sent me the link to a house he wants! He would sell his house and then I would go on the mortgage too (although appreciate only for my contribution - he'd never split it fairly) - anyway, suddenly said yesterday - I'd need to find £57,000 as a deposit! Like is life just on his terms and he thinks I can just magic money out of nowhere?

What does this all mean! So tired of analysing all the time!

OP posts:
jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 28/02/2022 08:46

It means he doesn't love or respect you and you need to leave and get him supporting your child!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/02/2022 08:58

Stop with analysing him (he'd be many years work for a therapist anyway) and start planning your exit instead.

Time to rebuild your life without him in it. This is also a terrible relationship example to be showing your DD as well.

HollowTalk · 28/02/2022 09:05

Time to go. You are in a very very vulnerable position and it gets worse as you get older.

Original poster
HM15 · 28/02/2022 09:09

Yes of course the example it's setting our dd is terrible and that is at the forefront of everything here.

But I'm just saying if we bought a house together the venerability becomes less, no?

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/02/2022 09:18

Do you really think he will buy a house with you?. C'mon give your head a wobble here. He does not want to leave his current home and has never wanted to share in anything with you. You in turn have meekly handed over all your power and control to him; I would think your DD has his surname rather than your own.

He is showing you by both word and deed what he thinks of you and he treats you day to day with the utmost contempt. What do you think your child is learning from you both about relationships?. This is not what your DD should be seeing in a relationship as she could well go onto repeat the same old in her own adult relationships.

MrMrsJones · 28/02/2022 09:29

For God sake he is showing you how he is is right in front of you.

Your nothing more than a lodger, with sex on tap and a nanny for his daughter.

Leave and set up home on your own.

Original poster
HM15 · 28/02/2022 09:35

He's just said I'm in a bloody good position with him to have my dream home as he'd be selling his and and that he'll leave that with me Confused

OP posts:
MrMrsJones · 28/02/2022 10:18

@HM15

He's just said I'm in a bloody good position with him to have my dream home as he'd be selling his and and that he'll leave that with me Confused
He is a lier
RandomMess · 28/02/2022 10:30

He is selfish and miserly.

You would only be financially protected by marrying and he will NEVER marry as it means him having more financially responsibility to you and your DD.

You could argue that you paying for everything for DD is your "rent" towards living in his house. So yours is dead money whilst he's building his financial assets.

Do you pay half the utilities, council tax and other general household bills?

Dilbertian · 28/02/2022 13:06

@HM15

He's just said I'm in a bloody good position with him to have my dream home as he'd be selling his and and that he'll leave that with me Confused
Pie crust promises.
newbiename · 28/02/2022 13:10

@HM15

...he should contribute in some ways to our child anyway shouldn't he?
Of course