He's making me question everything!

[OverMyHead01]

Ive been with my OH coming upto 3 years now, engaged for about 3 months. We rent together no children of our own but kids from previous relationships.

It started early on actually but I just gathered he was stressed so let it slide.
He constantly criticises me and belittles me. Everything that goes wrong its my fault if we end up stuck in traffic he shouts at me for it. His trousers ripped the other day and that was my fault. It's got worse this past 6 months though, he started calling me clingy and needy, I dont think I am by a long shot I think its just another power play on his part.
Every morning before we leave for work he always gives me a kiss and tells me he loves me, 2 mornings last week he didn't so I just mentioned it you know, if something doesn't happen that normally happens all the time I'm bound to notice it. His response was.. oh sorry like, I didn't know I had to do it every single morning. You've gone right clingy you.
He hasn't told me he loves me since because he knows I want to hear it!? Head games?
I've done nothing but love this man I've never had a go at him about anything but he's always picking faults with me. It's like he always knows best and he can never do no wrong.
I've been torn this weekend not sure what I want anymore. When I look at him my heart fills with love because when it's good it's amazing but then when I think of the way he can treat me I'm confused again.
Because he called me clingy and needy I don't go upto him anymore for kisses and cuddles like I used to I wait till he wants it but according to him I've gone cold towards him so I must be cheating?!
Everytime I talk to him about anything, days out, the wedding, kids, family he snaps at me and jumps down my throat or bites my head off. He says he feels like I'm planning his life for him. No, I'm just talking about stuff for our life making memories and days out are only ideas.
I go to bed every night wondering if I'm good enough for him because I can never seem to do anything right.

Help me please am I actually too clingy or is it all him?

@notanothershitday - you can leave your abusive h too. Think what he's doing to your dc! You need to be strong for you all and leave.

There is help out there - ring the police, call Women's Aid, tell all your friends what is happening. Build your support network.

Why not start a new thread for support?

Why do you want to be treated like this?

The answer you are going to give me is "I don't. Are you stupid? Who would want to be treated like this? "

Stay with him and you will continue to be treated like this.

He says he doesn't need to impress me anymore because he's got me

WOW.

What a charmer eh?? 🤣

There are 2 main issues here -

• He does not like you and doesn't like spending time with you. Therefore, he must be with you for another reason. You must be convenient to be around sometimes or he likes having you around for sex or whatever service you provide him. Maybe he enjoys bullying you. Maybe having you as his partner boosts his ego. Maybe what he envisioned was bagging an attractive women but didn't factor in the fact that she has a personality and has needs. Who knows! Could be why he doesn't like you planning stuff for you both to do together though - he doesn't want or need that 'togetherness' with you OP. Even though you've been together 3 years, he sees you both as very separate people, so any attempts to work at intimacy will be seen as being clingy, too much for him, and pretty off-putting. He likes to keep you at a distance, where it suits him.

• He is using you as an emotional punchbag.

This is not loving behaviour and he is not going to improve. He is showing you who he really is.

Oh, and btw, it wouldn't at all surprised me if you left him and he would suddenly do a massive turn. All of a sudden he would be sending you flowers and such, maybe apologies or tears, but that won't last. It will be just to reel you in again.

@Cleanbedlinen12

Run

This!!!

I'd say he's a narcissist. Leave. Run. Just leave asap. He will destroy you and your children.

He said all his ex left him. He's never ended a relationship. I remember thinking when we first got together why would you leave him he's a really nice person, but being with him now i can see why and I can see why they all went so cold towards him and treat him badly.
He told me his ex called him emotionally abusive and controlling. I'm starting to belive her.
Everything is on his terms.. sex love and affection days out. What we do and when.
He keeps saying I'll cheat on him too because he thinks he doesn't give me enough. Hearing that isn't nice I'm not that kind of person. When we aren't at work he wants me with him all the time and sometimes I just want that alone time just to unwind but if I say so he hears.. im gonna go meet a guy. Its exhausting so I end up going where ever he goes just to avoid a headache.

They don't get over that, you know. It's not genuine insecurity that you can overcome by proving your love. Get out of there and never mind why he says you've done it, you have NOTHING to prove.

The man you feel love for is not him, it's an act he put on to snare you, he's even said so in so many words! Run away, run away. Anyone who knows you will know you aren't a cheat. Show them you aren't a mug either!

Do you and your child have somewhere to go op?

You've correctly identified that he's abusive , now you need to get organised and get away from him.

Do not marry him , do not get pregnant with his child.

So what is your plan OP?

Yes. They left him because of how awful he is.

You should join the list of women who said fuck this, I'm out

They left him because he's awful.

He is emotionally abusing your child. Even if he was an amazing partner to you (which he isn't, he's horrendous) that fact alone should make you leave. Never put a man before your children's happiness.

@OverMyHead01

He said all his ex left him. He's never ended a relationship. I remember thinking when we first got together why would you leave him he's a really nice person, but being with him now i can see why and I can see why they all went so cold towards him and treat him badly. He told me his ex called him emotionally abusive and controlling. I'm starting to belive her. Everything is on his terms.. sex love and affection days out. What we do and when. He keeps saying I'll cheat on him too because he thinks he doesn't give me enough. Hearing that isn't nice I'm not that kind of person. When we aren't at work he wants me with him all the time and sometimes I just want that alone time just to unwind but if I say so he hears.. im gonna go meet a guy. Its exhausting so I end up going where ever he goes just to avoid a headache.

He isnt going to change, in fact he is going to get worse. I am not a mother but if I was, there would be no man alive that I would allow to put my child down like that.

I realise that it's easy for anyone to say, ybut ou have two choices - you accept him athe way he is nd stay with himand put up with his shocking behaviour (that will get worse), and in turn, show your child what an unhealthy abusive relationship looks like. Or you get your stuff in order and leave ASAP.

He's admitted it. The honeymoon period is over, he chased you and won you. You're engaged now and living together. Mission accomplished. There is no need for best behaviour any more (in his eyes). He is now showing his true self. Run run run. Don't let your child be exposed to this