I've finally come to the end of the road with my emotionally abusive husband and told him so last night, after yet another weekend of sulking, shouting and relentless negativity (him, not me). Today he's 'promising to change'. I'm having a hard time believing in this forthcoming change given that we've been married for twenty years and he's made this promise every few months with depressing regularity.
I've been persuaded to 'give him one more chance', and I will really try, but am I being stupid? Has any abusive man ever changed his behaviour for more than a few months? I used to think that he was a decent man really, because the abusive episodes were often weeks or even months apart. However, having read Lundy Bancroft's 'Why Does He Do That', I've realised that he's simply following the 'abuser's script' and reeling me back in with his decent behaviour after yet another of his angry outbursts/sending me to Coventry fits.
I've tried so hard to help him - getting him appointments with two different counsellors over the years, and yet they all seem to validate his opinion of himself i.e. that he's a lovely man and that I should be grateful that he works so hard to earn a living for us all. Or at least that's what he claims they tell him. Obviously, I don't know if it's true or not and if he's telling them the truth. I suspect he's not being honest with them because he is an inveterate liar and will never admit to it, even when he tells the most obvious lies to me or the kids.
Any advice, hopeful or not?