One of my parents asking to borrow money, I want to say no

[architecturall]

My parents (who are married) have always been quite poor. One parent works and the other hasn't due to a combination of poor mental health and the belief that they shouldn't have to work.

During my childhood we were very poor/low income. Now I would say my family is fairly comfortable but with no savings or safety net.

The unemployed parent has a terrible attitude with money and has a credit card, despite not having an income to pay the bill each month. In the past, they would 'borrow' money from their parents (who have now passed away), now they ask 'borrow' money from me and my siblings. For context, they would even borrow our birthday and Christmas money growing up and sometimes it would not be paid back as we would forget.

They keep asking me and my siblings to 'borrow' the money to pay the credit card bill, but I know it probably wouldn't get paid back. I feel extremely guilty, especially for my other parent who is also burdened by this bill despite working full stop and being frugal with what they spend. I could afford to help them pay it, I have enough disposable income. I also feel guilty as my other parent has supported me financially in the past.

I think I would also feel more inclined to help if the credit card was used for necessary purchases, but it's wasted on rubbish with nothing to show for it.

What would you do?

I’d make it a hard no from now on and let your siblings know.

No do not. This will just help mask what the parent is doing as currently there are no consequences. I would say you would help them with debt management but I bet you they do not want to do this. What they want to do is spend money they do not have!

If you can afford it (IF), you could offer to pay off the balance of the CC, on condition that the account is closed and the card cut up, but I would imagine that suggestion wouldn't go down well with them.

On balance, you currently enabling another adult - and not just any other adult, but your parent - with shockingly poor money management skills to go on with them. How does your other parent feel?

What Littleowl153 said but you need to know they have cut up the card and will not set up another. I would help out on those conditions only. Different if using it for heating/essentials but for silly things or takeaways then no.

My dm is like this. I eventually had to say no. That was in my early 20s and I had no money either.
She’s not any better now and will not accept help with dealing with say internet banking etc so what else can you do?

I'd say ''can't afford to help, have plenty of bills of my own''.

The habit of not paying you back but always referring to the request as a ''loan'' would really annoy me.

Say no. Not your problem or concern.

Sympathy for your other parent - fine, but they are an adult and can make their own decisions on allowing this behaviour and if they still want to be in a relationship.

I think you're right to say no. It isn't like it's the first time they've asked, or they've found themselves in a situation not of their making.

They've walked in to this knowing they didn't have the money. They've done it before and not paid you back.

Can you have a conversation with the other parent and explain why you can't keep helping, and tell them you'll support them if they feel able to make a stand. They really need to get those credit cards cancelled.