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Original poster

My husband filmed me without concent

65 replies

Ghuns · 23/02/2022 17:51

Hi all, a year ago I found out that my husband of 10 years has been filming me, he has been setting up a secret camera in our room so he could film me while I’m getting changed etc! I found this because he obviously put it on his phone and this linked with the shared iPad! I was disgusted and has apologised but I can’t bring myself to be intimate with him since , the thought of it makes me feel sick! What do I do, we have two boys and I don’t want to break up the family but it’s making me depressed, help

OP posts:
babyt2020 · 23/02/2022 17:55

How did you find out? I'm so sorry this has happened to you, oh my god what an invasion of privacy 😡xx

Pashazade · 23/02/2022 17:56

Oh lord. One I believe this is illegal. Two I'd be worried that he hasn't shared it. I genuinely don't know where I'd go with this. Has he given an even vaguely believable reason for this appalling breach of trust.
I don't know if I could move past this. So sorry. ThanksThanks

Original poster
Ghuns · 23/02/2022 17:57

Hi, I saw it on the shared iPad! He said he felt distant from me so Thsts why, but we had a pretty normal happy life before so I don’t understand

OP posts:
Hen2018 · 23/02/2022 18:01

I’d be phoning the police and leaving almost simultaneously.

Ttcfinalbub · 23/02/2022 18:12

........ this doesn't just sound illegal this sounds crazy!
Distant from you so he invades your privacy in the most sneaky way possible that is not the move of a sane man..

Do you believe this is the genuine reason or did you think he thinks you're up to something ?

Either way to me he doesn't sound mentally stable tbh that's some line to cross

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 23/02/2022 18:13

He felt distant from you... so rather than say "Hey darling, we don't seem to have much time together these days, let's arrange for my parents to have the kids this Friday night so we can have some alone time"...

...he decides to illegally record you so he can have a wank over your unsuspecting naked body on his own, secretly.

And, possibly, get a kick out of uploading your image to "sharing" sites so other men who couldn't give a flying fuck about their partners' rights can have a wank over you too.

I would have to leave. I would never, ever feel safe around him again. I would feel permanently on edge when changing, showering, getting into bed. In my own home. That's no way to live.

I would feel sad that HE chose to break up his family by betraying my trust in such an unforgiveable way. But I would be glad to set my children an example that we don't treat our loved ones as objects. (Obviously I would not be going into specifics with them.)

Ttcfinalbub · 23/02/2022 18:13

Also I'm really sorry this happened to you which now makes you feel as though it would be you breaking up the family but you cannot stay if you are betrayed and unhappy and he really doesn't sound healthy.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 23/02/2022 18:14

The filming itself is bad enough, but for me the question would be where it's gone; if he's uploaded it to anything then effectively it's now public

Hopefully the police will be able to help you with this, even though your "D"H is probably deleting things manically

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 23/02/2022 18:16

If someone did this to me and said it was because they felt distant from me, they would soon find out what distant felt like. I’d be off. Or preferably they would be.

Peachtoiletpaper · 23/02/2022 18:16

This is so, so far across the line of what's acceptable. Secretly filming you getting dressed etc?!

Does he ever show signs of being jealous or paranoid, perhaps he was expecting to catch you with another man?

I would not be sticking around to see what shit he comes up with next. He has shown zero self control or respect for you here. Not a good example for the children. If you did leave, it wouldn't be you breaking up the family, it would be him.

movingon2022 · 23/02/2022 18:28

I am very sorry that this has happened to you and totally understand how you must feel. I would not be able to get past it and would ask him to leave immediately and file for divorce. I wish you all the best.

layladomino · 23/02/2022 18:35

You can never trust him again can you. He's proven to you that he isn't trustworthy, and is willing to betray you in the most invasive and disrespectful way.

His excuse (not that there is any acceptable excuse for what he's done) makes no sense. Notice how he manages to deflect some blame on to you for that he's done?

You didn't notice anything 'distant' or untoward. And even if he did feel different there are a million better ways of dealing with that. But no, he chose an illegal, disgusting invasion of your privacy.

And how do you know he hasn't shared the images with others? That would take this to a whole other level. But even if he hasn't, I'm afraid I couldn't stay with someone who treated me with such disrespect and disloyalty. I couldn't be with someone I couldn't trust.

You deserve better.

Satingreenshutters · 23/02/2022 18:37

I am gutted for you, that is a huge breach of trust. Set the distance but getting rid.

Nanny0gg · 23/02/2022 18:38

@Ghuns

Hi, I saw it on the shared iPad! He said he felt distant from me so Thsts why, but we had a pretty normal happy life before so I don’t understand
Where are the videos?

And if anyone's broken the family, it's him.

Wouldn't trust him an inch. What exactly was his 'apology'?

Original poster
Ghuns · 23/02/2022 18:59

He apologised and said he would build the trust up but he said at the time that I never wear nice underwear which infuriated me! I haven't been intimate with him since and it really bothers him thst I can't get past it! He never suspected I was up to anything that wasn't the reason he did it! I'm guessing he wasn't happy with what he had!

OP posts:
dworky · 23/02/2022 19:00

You must phone the police.
I'm sorry to tell you that he's possibly been sharing these recordings online.

Hen2018 · 23/02/2022 19:06

Does HE wear nice underwear?! What an absolute twat he is.

NeverChange · 23/02/2022 19:08

Take video and go to police.

I couldn't trust him every again and think that invasion of privacy would even piss me off more than an affair.

How can you go around your house now not being secure in the comfort of your own home, knowing that it could be filmed. Ever time you change, going to the bathroom,behaving a shower, you can't, if you pick a spot, or have to take food out of you teeth or anything personal and private it might be filmed.

I don't see how he can make up for such a violation. He has destroyed trust, boundaries and privacy in a severe way.

BoodleBug51 · 23/02/2022 19:08

It's not you breaking up the family.

You'll never get past this - it's too huge betrayal of trust.

I think you need to confront this and deal with it, OP.

mummabubs · 23/02/2022 19:11

I'm so sorry this has happened to you OP. I would definitely struggle to be intimate after this and to be honest I'm not sure I could stay in the relationship either. It's such a violation of trust.

Pegsonstrings · 23/02/2022 19:14

Voyeyrism is agents the law. Two years ago my ex filmed me without consent while I was getting dressed after going for a swim at a local swimming pool. The police was called. He apologised right after it happened but it was by mare chance I noticed him or his mobile he was holding recording me. The police arrested him, took him mobile and it took over eight months to search his phone as he had the chance to put his mobile on factory settings.

Two years on and I am still devastated as he walks free, has a new girlfriend who is blissfully unaware what sort of man she has. My ex did other things too but he wasn’t sorry, he was sorry he got caught, but he isn’t sorry at all

Alphavilla · 23/02/2022 19:14

Sounds like he has peeping tom traits. If he wants you in sexy undies for your sex session s he only has to ask. As for everyday you wear what you blooming well like and what's comfy. His behaviour is creepy and sinister no wonder you don't want him near you now. Ick.

tootiredtospeak · 23/02/2022 19:17

It's just such an invasion of your privacy that I dont think you will ever see him the same. In all honesty what would you think if a friend said this to you or your family. You would think it was totally weird right and if he can do that what else is he capable of.

sadpapercourtesan · 23/02/2022 19:18

Call the police. He's probably sharing the clips online, the repulsive weirdo.

Don't listen to any of his wheedling excuses or attempts to justify it. Nothing in your relationship, nothing you could have done could possibly make this OK. It's illegal, it's abusive, it's fucking illegal and he knows it.

sadpapercourtesan · 23/02/2022 19:18

Sorry for the illogical mini-rant there, this really pushes buttons for me Blush

I hope you're OK OP Flowers

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