Not mentioning you have kids until the first date

[TibetanTerrah]

Is this a thing? I don't have children, and would prefer not to date someone that has them. In fact I've never been in a relationship with a man who has children. I've just come back from a first coffee with someone from OLD and he's waited until now to casually drop in he has kids this is the second time it's happened to me recently.

I'm aware that I'm approaching mid 30s and my dating pool may well have a lot of fathers, but fgs be honest about it.

Has anyone else come across this? I think it's quite a big thing to omit from your profile and not mention at all in conversation.

When I did OLD I always ticked the “have kids” box if there was one. I never wrote about having kids in my profile though - mainly because of reading on here that it was a major turn-off for men to do so.

@LightfoldEngines

I have 3DDs and I’ve been single for 6 years, no interest in dating however this has made me think.

If I ever could be arsed with the cess pit that is dating in your mid 30s, I definitely wouldn’t want to date a man with children. Not interested in blending families. I’m also not interested in having more children.

I’m also not interested in having my DDs meet anyone I’d date - which is the main reason why I’m not dating (youngest is only 6), because it’s probably fucking weird that I’d want to keep a relationship entirely separate to my children.

I’m also not sure if I’d mention having children on my profile because let’s face it, a LOT of arseholes out there think single mothers vulnerable and make a perfect target, but I also wouldn’t feel comfortable talking to or going on a date with someone who didn’t know.

Hence why I am very single and will be for a long time

Exactly the same here! Only I only have one DD who is 7, but yep! What you said!

maybe I'm coming at this from the mum rather than dad pov, but why is it up to me to ask?

I've never used OLD, so might be talking through my hat here, but surely, it is up to your to ask about anything that crosses a line for you?

So, it might be living with his Mum, it might be being a smoker, it might be (from various threads on here) having a season ticket to a football club, being a non-driver, being unemployed, it might be being vegan, or religious, or an active member of the EDL, or 101 other things. If it is something that would stop you dating someone, then it makes sense to ask them about it whilst you are 'talking'.

Bumble does it well as you have options to say things like 'have kids and want more /don't want more'

I think it's reasonable to not mention kids in profile and for some reason it does impact the number of matches. But I always mention early in conversation as I can't see the point in not (personally I'd be happy to keep kids and relationships separate).