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Original poster

Said he has enough friends already!

58 replies

MarianaG · 22/02/2022 19:12

I started talking to someone about 6 months ago, after I'd split from my ex. He got in touch with me. He knew I wasn't over my ex at the time and knew I was not looking for a relationship, because I actually said this to him. I thought we had become friends. We talked a lot. Sometimes we were a bit flirty and on occasion did cross the line of friendship and had sex. And there were some feelings on my side, but nothing I wanted to act on because I didn't want a relationship. With anyone. If we'd met at a different time in my life then, yes, it would have been different.
Then things started to get a bit weird between us and he said this whole time he's been hoping I'd change my mind about a relationship, but he can see I'm not going to. He said he has enough friends and doesn't need another one, so wants nothing more to do with me.
It really hurts. I'm not good enough to be his friend? But would be OK for a relationship? I don't get it.
I know I need to get over it and he's entitled to feel how he feels and never speak to me again if thats what he wants, I can't change that, but it's so hard to be cut out of someone's life like that.
I know it probably looks like I was being selfish and leading him on. Maybe I was but I honestly didnt mean to. I was always honest about not wanting a relationship. He did make me happy and I enjoyed his company. Ireally valued our friendship.
Now I feel a bit used and like the whole relationship between us was fake on his side and just some ploy to try and get me to date him/have sex with him! I feel like he's punishing me for not wanting to take things further by taking away his friendship. He never really cared about me did he? He has walked away from our 'friendship' because I won't have a romantic relationship with him.

OP posts:
SW1amp · 22/02/2022 19:15

Erm, you weren’t ‘friends’

You were shagging, while he was hoping it was going to develop into something else

Now he knows it won’t, it’s either too painful/awkward for him to be around you, or he doesn’t want to make space in his life for someone who doesn’t feel about him the way he feels about you.

Really weird that you’re feeling hurt and rejected by this, given that you’ve rejected him!

SandyY2K · 22/02/2022 19:16

I'm not good enough to be his friend? But would be OK for a relationship?

He's saying he likes you too much to just be friends and wants a relationship with you. He doesn't mean you're not good enough to be his friend.

Being your friend would be difficult, because he has deeper feelings for you.

glasgowlass · 22/02/2022 19:17

It's better you find out about him now. Reads like he is trying to guilt trip or manipulate you into a relationship.
If you've been up front with him, then you've not led him on. You don't need anyone like that in your life.

SW1amp · 22/02/2022 19:20

@glasgowlass

It's better you find out about him now. Reads like he is trying to guilt trip or manipulate you into a relationship. If you've been up front with him, then you've not led him on. You don't need anyone like that in your life.
No it doesn’t! It reads like he made it clear he liked her, was respectful of her not being over her ex so didn’t push anything, and now he knows he doesn’t stand a chance with her, he is politely saying he doesn’t want to be strung along by her friend zoning him while he has feelings

The mental gymnastics some posters will do to find ‘red flags’ in everything… Hmm

Captnip500 · 22/02/2022 19:27

It’s not always possible to be friends with someone you have strong feelings for, if they aren’t reciprocated. It’s too painful. I can see why this guy wants to make a clean break, he needs to get over you and that’s probably not possible while you are still close and definitely not while you are still sleeping together.

Changemaname1 · 22/02/2022 19:28

Well you weren’t friends he wanted a relationship clearly , surely you can see how hard it is to be “ friends “ with someone you want more with ?

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 22/02/2022 19:42

@SW1amp

Erm, you weren’t ‘friends’

You were shagging, while he was hoping it was going to develop into something else

Now he knows it won’t, it’s either too painful/awkward for him to be around you, or he doesn’t want to make space in his life for someone who doesn’t feel about him the way he feels about you.

Really weird that you’re feeling hurt and rejected by this, given that you’ve rejected him!

This is my take on it too. I know personally I couldn't be friends with someone I wanted to be in a relationship with it. It would be too painful. You rejected him, he's not punishing you, he's walked away because it hurts to be around someone who you have romantic feelings for when you know it's never going to happen.
VodselForDinner · 22/02/2022 19:53

Now I feel a bit used

Why? It sounds to me like you used him.

ClariceQuiff · 22/02/2022 19:57

I know personally I couldn't be friends with someone I wanted to be in a relationship with it. It would be too painful. You rejected him

Yes, this. It's mortifying to be rejected. You don't want constant reminders of it by having the person floating round in your life as a 'friend'.

JellybabyGina87 · 22/02/2022 20:02

He wanted a relationship with you, not friendship. That's fair enough to me.

Original poster
MarianaG · 22/02/2022 20:06

I don't feel like I 'rejected' him. He knew the situation the whole time as to why I can't be in a relationship with anyone.
Why did he even pursue anything with me in the first place if he was looking for a relationship the whole time. I wish he had just stayed away. Why try and get involved with someone that you know has just had a difficult break up. I thought he was being my friend. I feel like he's pulled me in by being my friend and now he's throwing me away. He started this whole thing between us.
I do have feelings for him. I guess that why it hurts. And I'm looking for someone to blame.
So ok, I am probably being unreasonable.

OP posts:
FuckThatBullshit · 22/02/2022 20:12

You can't be Just Friends with someone you're in love with

aurynne · 22/02/2022 20:13

Reasoning does not always match with feelings. Your "friend" may as well thought he was ok with the situation at the time, and then feelings developed. It's not like you can just tell your heart not to fall in love, sometimes you do develop feelings for a person you don't want to/is not suitable/you thought was just a friend. Once that happens, keeping the friendship knowing that person does not have feelings for you, and could fall in love with anyone else anytime, is just too painful. I have been there and I also needed to cut ties with my "friend". Fortunately after many months I managed to forget him and we could restart the friendship, however this is not always possible.

If you really love him as a friend, then respect his boundaries and let him go. By all means, tell him you will be there if he ever wants the friendship. But be prepared that he may not come back.

SW1amp · 22/02/2022 20:13

Why can’t you be in a relationship with anyone?

HeddaGarbled · 22/02/2022 20:16

You need to shit or get off the pot.

Viviennemary · 22/02/2022 20:21

You both wanted different things. Neither of you would back down so the friendship/relationship has ended.

AladdinPrincess999 · 22/02/2022 20:21

H

JimmyDurham · 22/02/2022 20:22

@glasgowlass

It's better you find out about him now. Reads like he is trying to guilt trip or manipulate you into a relationship. If you've been up front with him, then you've not led him on. You don't need anyone like that in your life.
Biscuit
AladdinPrincess999 · 22/02/2022 20:23

He obviously said that because he's upset with you rejecting him. Id say its pretty clear that you used him though, not the other way around. You don't have sex or cross boundaries with someone you intend on just being friends with, especially when you knew he wanted more.

Original poster
MarianaG · 22/02/2022 20:31

I didn't know he wanted more. He's literally just dropped that on me now. He knew the situation and I thought he was ok with it. I wouldn't have had sex with him if I knew he wanted more from me.

OP posts:
cinci · 22/02/2022 20:34

Can't have your cake and eat it. No reason to be upset if your not actually interested in a fella

Icecreamandapplepie · 22/02/2022 20:37

Maybe you do what more? Or why are you getting so worked up about it?

His feelings are getting hurt, just leave hin alone if you don't want more.

End of.

grapewine · 22/02/2022 20:40

@SW1amp

Erm, you weren’t ‘friends’

You were shagging, while he was hoping it was going to develop into something else

Now he knows it won’t, it’s either too painful/awkward for him to be around you, or he doesn’t want to make space in his life for someone who doesn’t feel about him the way he feels about you.

Really weird that you’re feeling hurt and rejected by this, given that you’ve rejected him!

Agree with this. It's not really surprising.
supercali77 · 22/02/2022 20:42

Nobody with any self respect is going to be friends with someone theyre interested in and been told it will never happen. It just won't work.

You said you didnt want a relationship but then later slept with him which muddies the boundaries. He got the wrong idea about what you want and now he realises he can't carry on being just a friend. He hasn't ditched you here. He's taken his cue

PurpleDaisies · 22/02/2022 20:43

You weren’t real friends before. He was someone you knew for six months and slept with.

I can see why someone wouldn’t want to invest in another friendship with that as it’s basis.

I can understand why you’re hurt-it’s never nice to be rejected but it’s probably for the best.