He talked marriage we got to the point of booking. Turns out he doesn't want marriage. Hurt and confused.

[Emylou1]

Just to give you background. We have been together about 6 years. We have a house together. And last week he discussed the fact he wanted to get married and soon as possible. No engagement. We started to look into places. He discussed april this year he wanted to do it but with work not possible. So we decided on june booked the time off work. Decide to going aboard just the two of us and my sister and husband. We have all talked about it and sorted venue, accommodation, flights etc. Everything sorted. Spoken to the wedding planner. Then we are at the point of booking he tells me he doesn't want any of this. I've got the wrong end of the stick and all happening too quickly. He didn't want it this way. I have got carried away and he was only listening and agreeing but when it comes down to it he doesn't actually want this. But to keep the time off work and maybe we just do a holiday instead. I'm beyond confused and hurt. My sister and husband are totally confused by his change of mind. He made me sound and feel crazy like I imagined the whole thing. Just to also add some extra background he currently has 3 motor bikes and a few weeks ago told me he was getting a Forth and this point I said I was shocked. I was sure we were on the same page in life and wanted to move forward but buying another bike suggested to me he didn't. He has some small amount debt and his bonus was going to be used to pay off the debt but then suddenly buying this extra bike. We have talked abouts kids and he said the bonus would clear the debt and then we could be in a better place for kids. So then to be buying a new bike it changed it. So he he said dont worry i want to get married and i am sorting a ring. Then a few weeks later he annouced he wants to get married and starts to organise things. Then now. He isnt ready and not sure why i got so carried away or where i got the idea from. He made me sound completely crazy. Im hurt and upset by this. Its like we got to the point of booking and he then had to shut it down because it was actually happeniny. Before we when talked to venues etc it was only a dream as such. I'm 33 and he is 35.

I look back and I don't want marriage and i wouldn't be right. But he has messed with my head and I needed to see if what I was questioning was right.

He is gaslighting and its cruel nasty behaviour.

How he has treated me is disgusting. And how he behaved since is awful.

Cruel individual

Tell him you've decided you don't want any of this anymore and instead of a wedding planner you'll contact an estate agent to discussing selling

I put more money into the house than he did because he didn't have anything and borrowed from his dad to fund his bit of the house

I just saw this... you need legal advice.

Did you protect the extra amount you put in the house?

You shouldn't be with him...he's horrible.

Took my key and said I couldn't come back.

You do know he can't do this by law? You should have called the police. Its your house too.

Only when he said I could come back was I allowed

You've given him all the power and have an unequal relationship.

He should be the last man you want to marry.

Sometimes life isn't what you expected or deserve.

You're right.

His behaviour is bizarre, he may have a personality disorder.

180 turns in behaviour followed by extreme gas lighting.
He's fucked up by having your sister and bil involved this time so hos gad lighting is not working so well; did they see/hear him taking part in the wedding plans? He's notv even a clever gas lighter/abuser, if they did.
Though of course he thinks he's got enough power over you for you take any shit whatsoever he doles out.

If you stick with him, he'll wreck your mental health.

He's also a very poor candidate to bring kids into the world with.

@Emylou1 is the house held in joint names? Is the mortgage also in joint names? Or is it his house and you pay him rent?

What kind of support? What support do you want? What would it look like?

Have you done the Freedom Programme? Most women find it supportive and leaves them feeling stronger.

Strength also comes from starting to take small steps in the right direction. And building with another step.

Same as if you wanted stronger muscles or to be a stronger runner - you wouldn't try and do a marathon on day one or expect that you could sit on the sofa wishing to be strong and then wake up muscled one day, you'd start something like Couch to 5K and commit to doing a little bit more each day.

The more you do the stronger you feel and the more you can do.

But you have to take a first step. So what would yours be?

So you have woken up to the fact he is indeed abusive.

Now look at the next step. Yes it’s about leaving but I’d say leave in your own terms.
Take the time to look for somewhere to stay (do NOT tell him).
Get some legal advice for the house. See a solicitor/lawyer.
Get all the documents you need before leaving. Take them and keep then at your sister.
Organise to move out on a day when he isn’t there if possible.
Tell him it’s all over just before moving out.

Basically if you know it’s his way or the highway, you need to plan to do things YOUR way and ensure he isn’t taking stuff that is rightly yours in the top of it.

I agree about counselling too.

You might want to get on with your exit plan before telling him you’re splitting. That way, you’re in control and he won’t be frightening you. See solicitor, ring Women's Aid, get your finances and paperwork in order before leaving. Plan for the likelihood that he will forcefully try to throw you out of the home and have police/family back up.
In the meantime, it might be helpful to use the grey rock method to prevent drama.
www.e-counseling.com/mental-health/what-is-the-grey-rock-method/

You can call the police and they gain you entry back into your house. He can’t make you leave of it’s partly yours.

@Snowdon564

You can call the police and they gain you entry back into your house. He can’t make you leave of it’s partly yours.

Yeah but she's not gonna want to be in the house with him if he's intimidating enough to force her to leave

He's abusive psychologically, emotionally and verbally OP 😮

I don’t mean to be brutal, but how many signs do you need that this man does not want to marry you, or even be in a relationship with you?

He’s set everything up so that marriage and children aren’t possible.

He’s also setting it up so that you’re the one who’ll end the relationship, not him.

If you want children, get rid of him and find someone else. He’s strung you along for enough of your prime baby-making years, don’t waste anymore of them.

Could he be trying to make you end the relationship so he can “blame” you for being the one to dump him?

There are many men who are not cut out for domestic life, marriage, family or any commitment at all, but they string you along because they like the sex and the cosy home. The man you have is not a family man or the kind of man to marry. He is also dishonest and selfish.

You are chasing a dream that will never happen. If you want commitment, you need to realise that this is never going to work for you and act accordingly.

I predict this guy will try to make you leave and then refuse to sell it. I think you should get legal advice ASAP..

Can you make the most of the current situation by confiding in your sister and asking for her help and support to leave? Would you be able to stay with her for a while so that you can sell the house and relieve yourself of this awful bellend for good?

Let him pack your bags. Pack them and don't be guilted into going back (also check out YouTube they have several interesting videos on small parts of bikes you can remove to make them non functional)
In all seriousness this is bonkers, he's taking you for a ride and literally seeing what he can get away with putting you through before you've had enough and leave. I'd definitely cut my losses. And as a break up celebration go on that 'holiday' with your family and friends ❣️

One day you will thank your lucky stars that he did an about turn about marriage.

Get legal advice about your house.

But don’t entertain the thought of being with him. As a pp has said, he has fucked up this time by involving others in his nastiness.

Sorry this is happening to you. As many have said he is a cruel and unpleasant individual. You must now focus your energies on how to get out of this relationship and get everything that you deserve from it. Unfortunately life does have a habit of not turning out as we planned and bad things happen to good people sadly. But in time you will look back and be glad that you got yourself out of this relationship as you look forward to better things.

How much equity of yours is in the house?
Do you have proof of your deposit?

Get legal advice. House either needs selling or one of you buys the other out.

As PP said, get your documents out of the house and make copies of anything joint.
Leave it with your sister.

This man is using and abusing you.

What does your sister think of all this?

If she doesn’t know, tell her. Abusers want you to keep abuse secret,

Do you have any male friends? Could any just come over to see you? Men like this crumble when they think other men will see their behaviour