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Original poster

Said I love you for the first time...he didn't say it back.

75 replies

loveisaconfusingplace · 18/02/2022 12:04

I've been with BF for 8 months. We are both early 30s with previous children and have both had difficult relationships in the past.

Our relationship is wonderful, we get on really well. I love spending time with him and he is affectionate and very caring. Last night I told him I loved him. He reacted in a positive way - lots of kisses and biggest hug ever (he's not the most touch feely so it is out of the ordinary for him!) but he didn't say it back. My gut says that if he doesn't love me then he is very close to it and that 8 months is still early days especially after a bit of a rough ride with previous pregnancies, but I'd like a few opinions! I've met his family and he's met mine, and we make plans for the future etc. I enjoyed the hugs, didn't say anything apart from chats and we are just as lovey as anything this morning.

Should I be worrying or is this something that will come with time?!

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Original poster
loveisaconfusingplace · 18/02/2022 12:10

Previous relationships not pregnancies!!!! Bloody autocorrect!!

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JellybabyGina87 · 18/02/2022 12:17

I think 8 months is long enough to be honest. I think love can grow and years down the line when you deeply love someone you might look back and realise that you weren't quite in love with them at 8 months and it was lust or whatever. But at the time if everything was good you would feel as though you did love them and it would come naturally to say it. If you're not feeling the first flush of love after 8 months then I don't think you ever will.
Personally I would ask him and go off his response. My main worry would be that I was wasting my time with someone that didn't feel the same.

Yellowdott · 18/02/2022 12:22

8 months is ages!! I'd be concerned that it's taken this long to love him and that he's still not there. Assume you must know each other very well by now? Or do you not really see each other much?

I've been with DH for over 10 years and we both loved each other after about 3 weeks.

Personally I'd think if it's not love after 3 months it's probably not going to be, but obviously people are different so you know best how your relationship is.

wannabeamummysobad · 18/02/2022 12:29

I wouldn't worry just yet. I told my now DH I love you first at around that time - I'd been drinking all day long. He didn't say it back which when I sobered up it really hurt me. He then said I love you a week or so later - stating that though he'd felt it for a while he felt it would be odd to say it back to a very drunk woman 🙈

Original poster
loveisaconfusingplace · 18/02/2022 12:31

I always thought it best to wait until I was properly sure - the ex and I said it a few weeks in but it wasn't real, looking back with hindsight it was the first flush.
We see each other 2/3 times a week.

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RedCandyApple · 18/02/2022 12:31

I don’t think 8 months is ages? On the other hand loving someone after 3 weeks I find more strange...

NinjaQueen · 18/02/2022 12:32

He is probably waiting to say it off his own back rather than just as a response to you. You would just be wondering if he actually meant it or he said it because he felt he had to.

8 months is a very long time to decide though.

Helpel · 18/02/2022 12:33

Deffo sounds more like he doesn't want to parrot back "I love you too" for risk of sounding insincere. Reckon it will come soon!

Moretodo · 18/02/2022 12:33

If he's showing you he loves you I wouldn't worry about the words.

SunnyKlara · 18/02/2022 12:35

@RedCandyApple

I don’t think 8 months is ages? On the other hand loving someone after 3 weeks I find more strange...
I think it all depends what you mean by love. It's got so many meanings and connotations.

For some people loving starts when you are of the frame of mind when you want to begin to build a future together, ie not just dating / a fling. That can be as little as 3 weeks. For others, they would say it is when you want to spend the rest of your life with someone and marry them. That will take a lot longer than 8 months!

Myturnatlast · 18/02/2022 12:36

My ex didn't say it once in 5 1/2 years. I gave up saying it after a while. I should have given up on the whole relationship earlier to be fair - he never gave me the emotional contact I needed, I just kept hoping it would happen eventually.
I guess it depends how important it is to you to hear it...

Original poster
loveisaconfusingplace · 18/02/2022 12:36

It did take me by surprise that he didn't tbh because it feels like he loves me. He isn't the most eloquent or talkative man in the world and his reaction was definitely a strong positive one, he didn't let go of me all night which is very unlike him. I wasn't feeling too bad about it at all, just curious to what people thought as I'm not the best at relationships!

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WTF475878237NC · 18/02/2022 12:38

If he felt it then the glow inside him triggered by your lovely words would have made it him say it back spontaneously surely. If he doesn't feel it by now I would say he just enjoys your company...but that's because of what I think of when you say those three words as a PP says it's very subjective.

WatieKatie · 18/02/2022 12:38

We all fall in love at different paces. It took me 10 months but my DP 18 months to say it. Three years on he says it a lot more than I do and clearly means it.

If the relationship is working well and you’re happy I’d just go with it.

Chucklecheeks01 · 18/02/2022 12:39

Saying I love you is easy. Showing he loves you is much more important.

TheVanguardSix · 18/02/2022 12:40

His actions are those of a man in love. He'll find his moment to say those words with meaning... not prompting. Flowers

Original poster
loveisaconfusingplace · 18/02/2022 12:40

That's what made me founder a bit @Chucklecheeks01 - he makes me feel so so loved.

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Original poster
loveisaconfusingplace · 18/02/2022 12:41

Oh no @TheVanguardSix I would never prompt. I told him I loved him because I wanted him to know what he means to me, not to receive affirmation back. I didn't say it to hear it back.

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layladomino · 18/02/2022 12:42

The first time my (now) DH said it to me, I didn't say it back. I wasn't 100% certain and felt it would be cheap to say it back just because he'd said it. What are the chances of two people coming to that feeling at exactly the same time? One person always feels it first. Or at least one person is more in tune with how they feel than the other. Or more comfortable saying it.

I wouldn't worry about it at all. He hasn't run a mile or ghosted you, and seems very happy that you've said it, so all the signs are positive.

I would be much more concerned if he'd said it after 8 weeks. Generally only teenagers / people who don't understand love say it so soon (or love bombers).

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 18/02/2022 12:43

@RedCandyApple

I don’t think 8 months is ages? On the other hand loving someone after 3 weeks I find more strange...
Same here!
Original poster
loveisaconfusingplace · 18/02/2022 12:43

Thank you @layladomino

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Gonnagetgoing · 18/02/2022 12:43

@RedCandyApple

I don’t think 8 months is ages? On the other hand loving someone after 3 weeks I find more strange...
@RedCandyApple - French men say it all the time quite soon not considered a problem there. Had French boyfriend and whilst not after 3 weeks it was soonish.

Wasn't love bombing either.

DamnUserName21 · 18/02/2022 12:46

Tbh, actions speak louder. Sure, it's nice to hear the words (especially after saying it first) but go by what he does, not what he says. Talk is cheap.

RedCandyApple · 18/02/2022 12:46

Well you don’t really know anyone after 3 weeks so find it hard to believe you can actually love someone after 21 days 😂 if a poster came on saying someone she’s been dating 3 weeks said he loved her people would say it was a red flag!

Original poster
loveisaconfusingplace · 18/02/2022 12:47

I'm definitely sticking by my username!! 😂
My gut is telling me he is serious about me and cares very deeply for me. He shows me everyday that he values me and sees a future with me and I trust in him. He has been in a very abusive relationship and struggle with articulating emotion - he is a show it rather than say it type and I know he took a while to open up to me.

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