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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He doesn't want me going to my sisters wedding

90 replies

Lillipetal · 17/02/2022 13:46

When I got with my partner, it was at the same time my sister and her husband were going through a marriage breakdown, my partner liked my sisters husband right at the start, he's a real easy going guy, great to get along with. At that time my sis and her hubby both worked in good jobs, but then they moved and he ended up in a dead end job which he then had an accident in, which caused irreparable damage to him, which inevitably caused the marriage to break down because he wanted to sue a massive corporation which failed, they then broke up. Not long after my sister found another guy and they got engaged to be married. Here's the problem, the new guy is extremely successful in business and not without money, aka rich, and when we went to family gatherings my partner noticed how excited my mum was for her, my partner now calls my sister a golddigger, it's horrible because before that my sister had asked me to do some design work for her for their businesses which of course I did, but then apparently according to my partner I wasn't allowed to be paid. Cut a long story short my sister is getting married to the rich guy and my partner told me he will break up with me if I go to the wedding, like there is no negotiation, if i go then I will not have anywhere to live, and my Mum already told in the past since I got with this guy that if anything goes wrong, to go to a women's homeless shelter, which in my opinion is nasty as she's never been homeless before as she's only ever been looked after by my Father who is an Angel. WTF do I do.

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 17/02/2022 16:02

@Jvg33

You do realise you have rights if you live in his property. He can't just kick you out in 10 minutes.

He can. Why would you want to stay in the house of an abusive person who doesn't want you around and who you don't want to be around, anyway?

Jvg33 · 17/02/2022 16:02

[quote DPotter]**@Jvg33

we don't know this couple's living arrangements - she may have no rights at all. So yes, if this excuse of a man, is the owner of the property they are living in and the OP isn't on the deeds / mortgage / tenancy, she sadly has absolutely no rights at all. If they are both on the mortgage / tenancy, then yes she has rights.

Please don't go sweeping in, when we don't know the full background to someone's living arrangements[/quote]
Your incorrect. Don't make sweeping statements if you don't know the law. Have you never watched any of the those documentaries of people living in rentals who refuse to pay rent. They aren't on mortgage/deeds/marriage etc. The landlord can't just turn up and kick them out.

girlmom21 · 17/02/2022 16:03

Your incorrect. Don't make sweeping statements if you don't know the law. Have you never watched any of the those documentaries of people living in rentals who refuse to pay rent. They aren't on mortgage/deeds/marriage etc. The landlord can't just turn up and kick them out.

FFS if you're learning 'the law' from documentaries you're just going to embarrass yourself. It's highly doubtful they have a tenancy agreement.

newbiename · 17/02/2022 16:04

@Jvg33

You do realise you have rights if you live in his property. He can't just kick you out in 10 minutes.

He can.

howtoleaveit · 17/02/2022 16:08

Is this for real? Do you have kids together? How old are you?

NerrSnerr · 17/02/2022 16:17

If it's his property he can just kick the OP out.

OP- do you work? Do you have children together?

You need to move out in whatever way you can.

Jvg33 · 17/02/2022 16:28

If the op can prove she pays anything towards any household bill or is on council tax, he has to give her a verbal notice of eviction. This gives the op time to leave. If he forcebally changes the locks or physically evicts her it is illegal. If you experienced kicking someone out in an hour notice you were lucky they didn't know the law.

DPotter · 17/02/2022 16:30

@Jv33

Please don't rely on documentaries as a source of what is and what is not legal.

A person living in a house owned by another, with no tenancy agreement has no rights. The owner can change the locks and put their belongs on the front door step and there is no legal recourse.

If that person is on the tenancy agreement - then yes they have rights.

howtoleaveit · 17/02/2022 17:00

This happened to a friend. He wanted to kick her out. Not married. You can apply to the court for occupancy rights.

He doesn't want me going to my sisters wedding

ExpectingLady93 · 17/02/2022 17:09

If OP does not have her name on the property at all, yes he can kick her out?

BuanoKubiamVej · 17/02/2022 17:19

You do not stay for one minute longer with an abusive controlling scumbag like this. There is nothing about a women's shelter that is worse than being abused and controlled, and it would only be temporary while you got yourself sorted for income and somewhere more stable to live. Do not accept his demands, no matter the consequences.

TheCatterall · 17/02/2022 17:21

You make a plan so you can leave and stand on your own two feet without your unsupportive mother or controlling arsehole of a partner. Start finding out what help you can get and how to plan it.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 17/02/2022 18:05

OP, you have design skills, so you can get employment if you are not currently working, which means you can get a roof over your head. Flat share or whatever.

Start squirrelling some money away.

Would your sister lend you a deposit for a flat?

And talk to your Dad.

BOOTS52 · 17/02/2022 19:20

Wow he sounds absolutely nuts and has major self esteem, insecurity, controlling issues. I would be secretly ringing and getting advice women's aid, etc and getting all your paperwork etc together. Do you have children? Make the changes now as he will not get any easier and he sounds so jealous of your sister's partner. Time to move forward as saying you cannot go to your sister's wedding is just ridiculous. Do not ask your mother as she sounds lacking in any empathy or understanding and it is shocking if they have the space that they would not help you out until you got on your feet. You can do this, you will have peace of mind and will feel like your old self. It is your sister's wedding not like you are planning on heading off to vegas on a wild weekend. A family occasion that he cannot dictate whether you go or not. Can your sister help in any way. Please talk to her and friends and open up as most of the time where there is emotional or physical us women feel isolated and keep to ourselves. You can do this and go to that wedding and enjoy yourself. Take time out to build yourself up and learn to set boundaries for the future. Wishing you well.

Eurobin · 17/03/2022 12:32

@Lillipetal I have sisters. They are not in my life much but they are close to my heart. Go to them. I know mine would take me in.

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