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Original poster

He doesn't want me going to my sisters wedding

90 replies

Lillipetal · 17/02/2022 13:46

When I got with my partner, it was at the same time my sister and her husband were going through a marriage breakdown, my partner liked my sisters husband right at the start, he's a real easy going guy, great to get along with. At that time my sis and her hubby both worked in good jobs, but then they moved and he ended up in a dead end job which he then had an accident in, which caused irreparable damage to him, which inevitably caused the marriage to break down because he wanted to sue a massive corporation which failed, they then broke up. Not long after my sister found another guy and they got engaged to be married. Here's the problem, the new guy is extremely successful in business and not without money, aka rich, and when we went to family gatherings my partner noticed how excited my mum was for her, my partner now calls my sister a golddigger, it's horrible because before that my sister had asked me to do some design work for her for their businesses which of course I did, but then apparently according to my partner I wasn't allowed to be paid. Cut a long story short my sister is getting married to the rich guy and my partner told me he will break up with me if I go to the wedding, like there is no negotiation, if i go then I will not have anywhere to live, and my Mum already told in the past since I got with this guy that if anything goes wrong, to go to a women's homeless shelter, which in my opinion is nasty as she's never been homeless before as she's only ever been looked after by my Father who is an Angel. WTF do I do.

OP posts:
bedheadedzombie · 17/02/2022 14:32

if i go then I will not have anywhere to live,

So where did you live before you met this controlling twat? Surely you can rent something, anything? House share? Studio flat in a cheap neighbourhood?

Bluetrews25 · 17/02/2022 14:34

You say 'oh, ok, then. Don't let the door hit you on the way out'

Does he have any good features? Hmm

AgathaAllAlong · 17/02/2022 14:35

He is abusive and controlling. It is not up to him whether you get paid or whether you go to your sister's wedding. You should leave him.

irishfarmer · 17/02/2022 14:35

He is clearly a prick! Why wouldn't you have anywhere to live? Is the rental market really bad right where you live? It may be an issue, where i am there are no properties what so ever to rent right now!

If your mam won't let you move in what does your dad say? Could your sister let you stay until you find somewhere to rent?

tkwal · 17/02/2022 14:36

Why weren't you allowed to get paid for the work you did for your sister/her partner/their business ? Secondly, if your partner doesn't go to the wedding due to some perceived loyalty to your sisters ex that's up to him. You are entitled to support your sister in whichever way you choose. If he doesn't understand that do you really still see a long term relationship with him?

Opus17 · 17/02/2022 14:40

Jeez. Your partner is awful, your mum is awful, and yeah it sounds like your sister likes money.
Horrid all round 🤷🏼‍♀️

TokyoTen · 17/02/2022 14:43

Your partner seems very jealous. Honestly I would go to my sister's wedding and dump him. Take control and get rid and he's done you a favour showing his true colours.

Jvg33 · 17/02/2022 14:47

Call out his bluff. You need to go to the wedding. It's your sister!

Jvg33 · 17/02/2022 14:48

@iklboo

There's a MN phrase you can use for this:

Off you fuck then, cuntychops

Haha 😅
CaveMum · 17/02/2022 14:54

First of all you dump him and get him out of your life. If your mum won't give you a place to stay would your sister be able to, on a short term basis while you get your self sorted with a rental or house share?

He is coercively controlling you - he's controlling your finances and attempting to control your movements. This is a crime, don't forget that.

The people we love, and who proclaim to love us, should lift us up and bring joy to our lives, not drag us down.

FrecklesMalone · 17/02/2022 14:54

Who the fuck does he think he is to dictate what you do? Your moral compass must be low if you accept this sort of thing.

ANameChangeAgain · 17/02/2022 14:58

We've established this is a LTB. What do you have in terms of fiances, work, rights to the house?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 17/02/2022 14:58

If you have nowhere to stay but your dad is an Angel he will help you until you get back on your feet, surely? It's not just your mum's home, it's his too.

Your partner sounds like a cunt and your mum sounds cruel.

You cannot stay in this relationship.

Blossom64265 · 17/02/2022 15:04

You leave this controlling man.
You don’t necessarily have to walk out the door this minute. If you aren’t fearful for your physical safety, you can make sure you set up a bank account to hold your fair share of any shared finances, have a job in place, and take the time to rent a place to live.

WhatisanODP · 17/02/2022 15:08

Why did your partner not allow you to be paid?

He sounds awful!

Sweetlikejollof · 17/02/2022 15:08

What did I just read?

You leave this controlling, misogynistic psycho, is what you do! Wtf?!

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 17/02/2022 15:09

@CallMeDaddy58

I take it your mother said not to come back to live with her if your relationship doesn’t work out because she warned you that this man was an arsehole but you moved in with him anyway?
Good guess I think! And she didn't mean it! She was trying to flag him up as trouble and stop you moving in together, she will help you I am sure! Just say she was right all along and she will help you xxx
saraclara · 17/02/2022 15:09

my partner told me he will break up with me if I go to the wedding,

So break up with him first. Even if it does mean going to a shelter until you find somewhere else. Will your sister help you out at all?

Totalwasteofpaper · 17/02/2022 15:10

This.

You shouldn't break up because of your sister wedding per se.

You should break up with him because of his behaviour which is TOTALLY ABNORMAL. It's abusive and unhealthy and you need to get out.

I realise you think your mum is "nasty" for suggesting a woman's shelter but it might be helpful for you from the point of view of getting psychological support /understanding the abuse cycle.

1forAll74 · 17/02/2022 15:10

Take the chains off, and be free of one who controls.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 17/02/2022 15:13

He’s jealous get rid

D0gg0R0cket · 17/02/2022 15:13

Go to your sisters wedding

Get your ducks in a row
If you don't work, get a job
Rent or buy your own place

BoredZelda · 17/02/2022 15:14

Blimey what drama! Sounds like a film plot.

Doesn’t it!

2bazookas · 17/02/2022 15:15

Call his bluff, go to the wedding.

I reckon you 'll find the creep is only too eager to negotiate you right back to being his cook, laundress, domestic skivvy and shag.

But if you have any sense, you'll turn him down. You could get a job as live-in maid/housekeeper and get PAID to do it.

ExpectingLady93 · 17/02/2022 15:19

Drama op sorry you are going through this and this must put you in an awful position. I agree with the other comments here, would you be happier alone than with someone this controlling? Myself and my DP are close with my sister and her new partner.. who is ALSO successful, loads of money etc however we get on with it and appreciate what we have and accept we are all different people. If he's jealous he needs to try and ride it out and get on with it.