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Original poster

Refuse to go on holiday?

75 replies

Shouldigoornot · 15/02/2022 18:13

Hi there. DH really wants me and DC to go on a holiday with a group of his friends and their families. There will be one family with DC same age as ours but they have a history of being flaky and may not turn up. Other families have adult DC who won’t be joining them.
DH tends to drink very heavily when out with his mates. (Otherwise he does not). In the past I have been ignored on weekends away while he gets paralytic. If I tried to rein him in I was told I can’t stop him from having a good time with his friends. Fine - I just stopped going away on these weekends - problem solved.
But now he’s begging me to do this group “family” holiday. First time to bring the DC away with his friends.
I was thinking about it as I know he is really keen and the DC would probably enjoy the trip - but the other night he came in really drunk after a night out, slurring speech and falling over in front of the DC. I got really angry and made him sleep downstairs.
He hasn’t done that in a while but it’s made me think. On holiday I’ll be the nagging wife, ruining his fun. And if he comes into a hotel room in that state I can’t kick him out. He says his mates won’t be drinking on a family holiday - but like I say, there’ll only be one other family with young DC and they are flaky and may not turn up.
Go or not? Thanks!

OP posts:
Firefliess · 15/02/2022 18:18

Sounds most unlikely to me that his mates won't be drinking in holiday, even if there are kids there! I'd want to talk to him first about how he sees it working out - will you all so things together in the day times or go off and do your own thing as a family? Who will cook? Who will put the kids to bed and who will get to with them in they morning? If it doesn't sound fun to you, then I'd suggest he goes without you and the kids and do a family holiday separately.

vincettenoir · 15/02/2022 18:19

It’s a tricky one. I think you are right to predict there will be some heavy drinking.

I guess it might depend on what you can get out of the holiday yourself. If there are some nice places to visit and you can maybe get an afternoon or 2 to yourself, then you may decide it’s worth putting up with a couple of boozy nights.

Redlorryyellowduck · 15/02/2022 18:34

I wouldn't, but DH snores like a pig when drunk so I wouldn't want to share a bed with him.

I've had this argument many times, when DH is with certain friends he treats every occasion like a bloody stag do, getting really drunk etc. So now I just avoid those situations.

balalake · 15/02/2022 18:37

Unless there is somewhere you and DC could visit only by going, I'd say no.

tribpot · 15/02/2022 18:39

Why is he so desperate for you to do this holiday? If you don't go, can you afford to do a separate family holiday? Or is he trying to get two for the price of one - family holiday box ticked and a major piss-up at the same time? Surely his mates who won't have children with them don't really want a holiday with kids around?

I think you need to put your foot down and say no. There is no reason at all to believe he won't get completely shitfaced every night, disturbing you and the dc and leaving all of the childcare to you as a result. Maybe when he grows up and stops drinking like he's 20?

Original poster
Shouldigoornot · 15/02/2022 18:46

It’s a skiing holiday. He wants to ski with the DC by day - they love it - then get pissed in the evening. He says he won’t but we’ve had this conversation before and it goes nowhere - that’s why I stopped going to these things. His mates have said to bring the kids as otherwise it might be harder to get everyone to come on a holiday. For some of them it will be a skiing holiday with a few social drinks. For a small hard core it’ll be all about the booze. DH will fit in both. I also worry about him meeting up with his mates on the slopes for a drink while he has the DC with him. I don’t ski any more due to an injury so I won’t be up there. He’ll be completely in denial as to how dangerous it is.

OP posts:
sassbott · 15/02/2022 18:55

Tbh I’d send him with the DC. Let him have full responsibility of the children. Surely he won’t get bladdered when he has fulltime responsibility for the children? I think if you go, he’ll dump the kids with you to go do ‘apres ski.’ And yes after years of lockdown, you will be the fun police trying to rein him in. It’s a no win situation.

Original poster
Shouldigoornot · 15/02/2022 19:00

He’d be happy to go with the DC! They’re the reason he wants us all to go.
But I wouldn’t let them go alone with him. His judgment wouldn’t be good at all after a few (many) drinks.
This is the problem. If we don’t go I’ll be made to feel guilty for stopping the DC having a lovely holiday. But if we go we’ll have to look at him stumbling around and slurring his speech most nights. It won’t be every night to be fair. But it’ll be enough!

OP posts:
sassbott · 15/02/2022 19:10

So let me get this straight. You’ve had children with a man who you don’t trust?

How old are the children?

Nanny0gg · 15/02/2022 19:16

@sassbott

So let me get this straight. You’ve had children with a man who you don’t trust?

How old are the children?

It wasn't unreasonable for the OP to expect her husband to grow up when he had a family. Many people do.

OP, you know there will be lots of booze involved.

Say No!

storminateacupagain · 15/02/2022 19:17

Not a chance l would go.
Holidays are meant to be fun enjoyable and relaxing
This suggested break ticks none of these boxes

Hathertonhariden · 15/02/2022 19:21

I think he has to be given the choice between a family skiing trip (demonstrating that it is really about skiing with the dcs) or a boys trip. The two aren't really compatible unless it's guaranteed that there are other children going. Going along with his plan is pretty grim dumping the dc on you whenever he's on a session. Will he be full of good intentions about skiing with them and then not be so keen when the hangover kicks in so that you're dealing with frustrated dc?

HundredMilesAnHour · 15/02/2022 19:26

So what exactly would YOU get out of this holiday? They'd be out skiing all day which you couldn't do and in the evenings you'd be in charge of childcare while your DH gets drunk? Doesn't sound like a holiday for you. It sounds pretty miserable for you actually.

Leftbutcameback · 15/02/2022 19:26

Will you be in a chalet? Or a hotel? I had an experience with OH friends in a chalet, they stayed up late being loud and drinking so I couldn't even sleep. I don't see what's in it for you if you don't ski?

lockdownalli · 15/02/2022 19:31

I would say no to this shit sounding holiday but instead go on holiday just you, him and DC.

User0ne · 15/02/2022 19:51

Initially I thought I'd say just send him with the kids and have a nice week to yourself.

But it's really concerning that you don't think he will curb his drinking if in sole charge of his kids on a ski slope. Does he have a problem with alcohol? Or is it a problem with responsibility?

konasana · 15/02/2022 19:57

Argh I wouldn't be going on a skiing holiday as someone who does not ski, to babysit every night while DH was out getting wasted. It's a shame for the DC but maybe plan a family ski holiday for next season to help them deal with the disappointment.

Thethreecs · 15/02/2022 20:08

Would the family with kids just not turn up, even after paying? Is that a chance you're willing to take that they don't turn up? They're the only ones with kids.

It's not really a family holiday, it's adults going away and you have kids, that's if the other family don't go.

I would bet you that they are not going to consider your children, they'll be looking after themselves which will include drinking heavily which is fine as they don't have the responsibility of looking after kids.

If your husband is known to drink heavily with them, he's going to do it on holiday, he's not going to suddenly become father of the year and not get drunk and prioritise you and the children.

There's nothing more annoying than a drunk person falling over, talking crap, being an idiot and in front of your children. You'll be on edge the whole time worrying about them skiing with a hungover or had a few drinks father. You'll be left sorting the kids food etc and making sure they're entertained in the evening while he gets drunk.

Ginger1982 · 15/02/2022 20:16

Nope, I wouldn't go.

Mooloolabababy · 15/02/2022 20:20

Sounds like my idea of hell. You'd be taking care of the dcs the whole time. Evenings when dh is out getting pissed up and daytimes when he's nursing a hangover and therefore childcare will fall to you also. It doesn't sound like a holiday at all to me!

Planetzero1 · 15/02/2022 20:29

It doesn’t sound very enjoyable for you. Plus you know you can’t trust him so it would be a no from me.

billy1966 · 15/02/2022 20:29

Absolutely not.

Why would you risk it?

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 15/02/2022 20:40

I'd send him with the kids. He will have to moderate his drinking if he's in sole charge of them.

Wallywobbles · 15/02/2022 20:41

I would absolutely not go and let him take the kids. No better way of highlighting the issues.

me4real · 15/02/2022 20:42

I don't think you'd enjoy it so don't go. If he's that keen to take the DC I guess he could by himself if you trust him not to get overly drunk in charge of them. But I bet he won't be that keen if you suggest that lol

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