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Original poster

Has anyone Meghan Markle’d their husband?

97 replies

manningtreeladies · 14/02/2022 13:33

I’m wondering if anyone has managed to extract their husband from a difficult/toxic family situation in the way it seems that Meghan Markle has for Harry? Or just put some healthy distance between the extended family and the new, nuclear family unit the two of you have created?

A couple of things have happened recently in my husband’s family that have made me feel it might be time to put some distance between us all, as I’m not sure some of them are people I want to have much influence over our children. My husband is sort of in agreement but I think feels in a difficult situation as blood is blood etc.

Short of an Oprah interview, does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:

AtrociousCircumstance · 14/02/2022 15:23

What did the brother do?

Aderyn21 · 14/02/2022 15:23

You can't demand that your husband cuts off his brother because he's done something that offends you morally. Or his mum because she won't cut off her own child. You don't have to see them but that's as far as your rights go. In seeing his brother it doesn't mean he condones what he's done, only that family bonds are deep and meaningful and you don't just cut these ties lightly!

wordler · 14/02/2022 15:23

@manningtreeladies

I’m also not asking him to cut contact completely, but rather I can’t see how he could want to continue his social, friendly relationship with him at the moment. Going for visits and hanging out/playing video games together online etc. I couldn’t be friends with someone when they’d behaved so badly, I don’t really understand how he can.

You'll have to say what the behaviour is if you want anyone to understand your point of view.

MumWithYOPD · 14/02/2022 15:23

the way it seems that Meghan Markle has for Harry

On what basis do people blame her? The Daily Fail?

MrsTophamHat · 14/02/2022 15:23

I agree you have a skewed view. Not speaking to your child for five years is very extreme.

Don't make life hard for your husband. If this were reversed and a poster was saying that their spouse was trying to stop them having contact with their family, and being moody about it when they did, we would all be saying how controlling it was.

His relationship with his brother, and your mother in law's relationship with her son has got nothing to do with you, frankly.

CoffeeLover99 · 14/02/2022 15:23

How is being a Meghan Markle a good thing?

Surely she is the toxic one / causing the issues?

MrsTophamHat · 14/02/2022 15:24

I'm assuming that the brother has had an affair and/ or left his wife.

wordler · 14/02/2022 15:24

Also, if it is an affair, you sound like a nutcase expecting your brother to cut off his MUM because she still speaks to her other son.

Bananarama21 · 14/02/2022 15:25

Is that you meghan? Wasn't there some falling our over Williams 'alleged' affair?

If this is true you don't have to have anything to do with family. You are massively unreasonable to expect your dh to go nc. He can see them without you there.

ittakes2 · 14/02/2022 15:26

I think you might have derailed your own threat by referencing MM!

Aspiringmatriarch · 14/02/2022 15:26

An affair I'm guessing? I wouldn't say it makes him a 'bad person' but obviously morally compromised in that respect. It's really none of your business though is it? Why would your husband cut contact with his brother over it? When I read your first post I thought you were talking about toxic and controlling behaviour from his family, but reading further it seems like you don't have a problem with that kind of thing.

wordler · 14/02/2022 15:27

*husband not brother

Original poster

manningtreeladies · 14/02/2022 15:28

I can see I’m going to have to say what has been done… worried this may be outing but

It’s come out that he abandoned a child 5 years ago. He knew the woman was pregnant, met the child on a number of occasions and promised to support her etc. and then completely abandoned her and his son. No support, no interest and the mother hasn’t been able to contact him for a lot of that time. I don’t want to say how it’s been revealed as that’s so specific but I just can’t comprehend doing that.

OP posts:

puddsmum49 · 14/02/2022 15:29

Could have asked the question without dragging MM into it. Men are adults and can make their own decisions and choices - the idea that it has to be the wife's fault is pretty crap. If your husband feels as strongly about these incidents as you do, he should make the decision regardless. Perhaps they aren't as big a deal to him, in which case trying to separate him from his family won't work, you run the risk of it backfiring.

Bananarama21 · 14/02/2022 15:29

You don't know the circumstances of what's happened regardless of the update, its none of your business and its between your dh and his family. You need to back off.

PlanetNormal · 14/02/2022 15:32

OP, if your own sister had behaved in this fashion, and your husband demanded that you cut contact with her and with the rest of your family, how would you react?

MrsTophamHat · 14/02/2022 15:32

Thanks for the added info.

I still believe that your brother can be angry, disappointed at him, put pressure on him to do the right thing by the child now, but still have a relationship with him. He has behaved poorly, and I agree it's immoral.

festivebitches · 14/02/2022 15:33

@manningtreeladies

I can see I’m going to have to say what has been done… worried this may be outing but

This is not a reason for you to control your husband's relationships with his family. Are you normally this controlling over him? If you don't like his brother, you stop talking to him. But if you expect your MIL and DH to do the same, be prepared to have a difficult marriage and a miserable husband.

FebruaryFest · 14/02/2022 15:37

Yes your family sounds "skewed" in this.
Cutting people off / cutting people out of your life is very drastic and reverberates down generations.
Something to be avoided where possible imo.

Original poster

manningtreeladies · 14/02/2022 15:38

@PlanetNormal

OP, if your own sister had behaved in this fashion, and your husband demanded that you cut contact with her and with the rest of your family, how would you react?

He wouldn’t have had to ask me. I’d interact with her at family events (weddings, christenings and family parties etc.) and send birthday cards and such, but the friendship aspect of our relationship would be gone, at least for a while. I think that’s what I’m struggling to understand, how my DH doesn’t feel like that… I’m surprised so many people wouldn’t care if their siblings did this!

OP posts:

ravenmum · 14/02/2022 15:38

I just feel that if my husband wants to continue a social relationship with his brother, at least at the moment, it shows that he is condoning his behaviour and is also a bad person
If you believe that playing video games with this man makes your husband a bad person, then by your standards, your husband is a bad person, as he wants to play video games with him.
What would you be achieving by forcing him to stop? It would not change your dh as a person.

Louisianagumbo · 14/02/2022 15:39

If my son one day behaved like DH’s brother, I wouldn’t support him in the way MIL has. I also wouldn’t expect my daughters to continue their relationship with their brother if they were uncomfortable with his behaviour.

Honestly, I think you do have a skewed view. You can be unhappy how a sibling has behaved without cutting them off. Expecting your daughters to cut contact with their brother is beyond unreasonable. It's up to siblings to decide how they operate with each other and not for spouses to dictate what their relationship should be. It's completely right that you have an opinion on your bils behaviour but oh so wrong that you are unilaterally deciding to separate from the entire family.

wordler · 14/02/2022 15:41

So yes, that's horrible behaviour. But cutting people off is drastic and doesn't help make them change or improve.

It's not a toxic situation for you or your DH - why would he need to be removed from that? I'd say he needs to stay in contact and try to help his brother deal with the situation in a better way.

Original poster

manningtreeladies · 14/02/2022 15:42

@ravenmum

I just feel that if my husband wants to continue a social relationship with his brother, at least at the moment, it shows that he is condoning his behaviour and is also a bad person If you believe that playing video games with this man makes your husband a bad person, then by your standards, your husband is a bad person, as he wants to play video games with him. What would you be achieving by forcing him to stop? It would not change your dh as a person.

This is very true. It’s making me worry my husband is a bad man as well and that’s what I’m struggling with. I’m concerned about his impact on our kids. I don’t want to raise them with those or around those (non-existent) morals to be honest.

OP posts:

ThatPosterIsSoRight · 14/02/2022 15:43

Well my DH hasn’t made me cut ties with my DBro who has committed an actual crime, nor with my DM who still regards DBro as her son (although she’s not happy with what he’s done).

In your situation I would not be happy if DH was egging his brother on about how awful the ex girlfriend is, or agreeing with his brother that it’s right to abandon a child, but I would not expect him to cut off his brother. Mostly I’d stay out of it and be a rational sounding board for DH.

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