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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

12yo revealed this *(Content warning: concerns child sex abuse)

96 replies

nousernameno · 12/02/2022 06:35

My niece confided in me yesterday and said something which has made me very angry.

She said that when she was slightly younger (7-8), My SIL used to take her to her room, strip in front of her and ask her touch her breasts. She had done this on many occasions until my niece had asked why she is making her do this and she doesn't want to do it.

My niece never revealed this to us as she said she was told to keep it a secret and she thought her mum would be angry her if she told her mum.

I'm not sure how to approach this situation but clearly she has been exposed to things she shouldn't have been as a child.

Her mum is reluctant to confront the person responsible as it's family but it's driving me nuts

OP posts:
Original poster
nousernameno · 12/02/2022 08:08

Her mother already knows. She's the one who told me so I asked my niece to explain in her own words what happened. I will be reporting this

OP posts:
TheHopefulEgg · 12/02/2022 08:08

Take action. Tell your niece and her parents that you’re going to the NSPCC and police and don’t let them talk you out of it. Do right by your niece and any other children who might be affected by this. Show her that you believe her and want to protect her. This might be painful for the family in the short-term, but it will have long-lasting repercussions for your niece if you sweep it under the carpet like her mum has tried to do. Believe me.

Looubylou · 12/02/2022 08:10

Your niece has been very brave to share this. She trusts you - don't let her down by doing nothing. Other children may be past, present, or future victims. Ignore the opinion of her mum. This is serious abuse, and a serious crime. Please ring the police and Children's Services. If you are afraid, seek support from school, or school nurses, but preferably just do it yourself. Please let your niece know you believe her. Would you be dithering if her uncle was stripping and asking her to touch his penis? This is going to be very difficult, but you know what you must do 💐I wouldn't discuss this with any other adult in the family, including a DP. People panic and close ranks, and may cloud your judgement.

Dutch1e · 12/02/2022 08:12

I can't believe this is even a question. Fuck family if they're a child abuser, and fuck anyone who is complicit through silence. Don't be complicit OP, start making phone calls.

MandyCarter · 12/02/2022 08:14

Glad you are reporting it
I can't understand why people are querying the relationship, it's completely irrelevant
I hope your DN gets the support she needs

WetLookKnitwear · 12/02/2022 08:16

You have to go to the police.

This is clear cut abuse. There is no defence for not reporting it so I’m glad you will

TheVolturi · 12/02/2022 08:17

Definitely report ASAP

OMG12 · 12/02/2022 08:23

As a survivor of child abuse im glad to see you’re reporting this OP, your niece needs to know she can trust and rely on people otherwise it will ruin her life. Do not listen to anyone else in the family just report to the police.

TheRealHousewife · 12/02/2022 08:25

@nousernameno

Her mother already knows. She's the one who told me so I asked my niece to explain in her own words what happened. I will be reporting this
Why on Earth hasn’t her own mother reported if she was told first. She has a safeguarding duty (as we all do).
TheHopefulEgg · 12/02/2022 08:25

So glad to see your update OP. She revealed this because it’s troubling her and needs someone like you to stand by her.

TeaRex49 · 12/02/2022 08:25

@nousernameno

Her mother already knows. She's the one who told me so I asked my niece to explain in her own words what happened. I will be reporting this
Glad you will be reporting this. The mother should be ashamed of herself, the kid avoided telling her mum cos she thought she would be mad but instead she’s tried to ignore it to not make a fuss, can’t imagine much worse for any abuse victim.
jacketpotatobeansandcheese · 12/02/2022 08:26

@nousernameno, I have worked in this field for many years and reiterate the advice not to ask your niece any more questions, but just write down what she told you and write down anything else she discloses to you. Just listen and record, don't question.

At 12 I think you need to explain to her that you are going to need to talk to someone professional about what she's said in order to protect her and keep her safe and that you need to tell her parents assuming SIL isn't her mum (sorry, I wasn't clear). It's probably obviously, but make it clear to your niece that she's done the right thing in telling you and that she's done nothing wrong etc.

You can report directly to the police but if that feels too much, you can also report into your local Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub in Children's social services and police would get involved that way.

miltonj · 12/02/2022 08:27

Can't believe the child's mum won't take action. Insanity. You need to go over her head. Show your daughter you care about her. It will speak volumes to her if you don't. It will also help stop her being inappropriate with other children

22Giraffes · 12/02/2022 08:27

The biggest factor in improving chances of recovery in child sexual abuse is the child being heard and believed. She needs you to advocate for her without question. Report immediately.

miltonj · 12/02/2022 08:28

@miltonj

Can't believe the child's mum won't take action. Insanity. You need to go over her head. Show your daughter you care about her. It will speak volumes to her if you don't. It will also help stop her being inappropriate with other children
Sorry, your niece.
flowervest75 · 12/02/2022 08:29

Her mum is reluctant to confront the person responsible as it's family

This is sad and this is why so many children don't speak up. They're either not believed or nothing's done about it because it's easier to sweep it under the carpet. If her mum isn't going to do something about it, make sure you do pls OP

Bellringer · 12/02/2022 08:36

Well done op. Report, and support her though this, be guided by professionals but let her know she has doin right and you can't keep it secret. Good luck

Suzanne999 · 12/02/2022 08:38

Your niece has disclosed this to you now for a reason. She wants help and has trusted you to supply that help.
Don’t question your niece, call 101 or the NSPCC for advice on what to do next.
You know this is abuse. Please do the right thing and protect and support your niece and possibly protect other children. It’s taken a lot of courage for your niece to confide in you, please don’t let her down.

Itstimetoquit · 12/02/2022 08:39

Get the police involved

CushionSpiral · 12/02/2022 08:40

You don’t confront the person, you go to the police.
Please support your niece she didn’t the right thing to tell otherwise you’ll make it worse for her me she’ll never report any abuse to an adult again

Rivermonsters · 12/02/2022 08:42

Ring the police asap. If not you are just as bad for burying it down

Rivermonsters · 12/02/2022 08:43

The mum seems like a wet flannel

Toanewstart23 · 12/02/2022 08:44

I’ve read your history OP

* I cannot remember what happened but apparently I got upset with DH and he went into the other room to have a chat with SIL and whilst consoling me, my BIL touched my breast and kissed me*

Is this the SIL you’re referring to in this thread?

EmpressSuiko · 12/02/2022 08:45

Her mother knows and hasn’t reported it!?

Please please never let that woman near her again and report her.

I know someone who tried to cover up sexual abuse and the victim is still so tormented, no one protected them properly and by the time it finally got out the damage was done and everyone else tried to be supportive but the victim shut everyone out.

You need to show her she is going to be safe now and that the abuser will not get away with it

Varmak · 12/02/2022 08:46

If this was Uncle locking doors and forcing 7 year old to touch him inappropriately, you wouldn't hesitate to think of this as what it clearly is : sexual abuse of a child.

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