I am thinking of ending my 8 year marriage

[Adifferentperson]

I don't think I love my DH anymore and over the last 6 months or so I can't bear him touching me. The thing is, he can't just 'cudldle' me without wanting more, i.e.sex & that irritates me.

DH is a chauvanist pig at times, in that he refuses to do any household chores, although he is good at entertaining the kids, so I suppose I can't complain.

Little things are starting to irritate me & I just find it hard to be even a tiny bit affectionate to him. The other side of the coin is I do feel sorry for him in that I suffer with depression and the last few months it has got really bad. I am not on AD's (had to come off them for other health reasons) so feel even worse. I suffer raging PMT & I am a complete bitch at times.

If I leave my DH I will have nowhere to go which is obviously a worry as we have two young DC's. He is the breadwinner.

Sorry for the rant. I don't really know what I am askign you here, I just needed to get this off my chest I feel so so low.

Another thing that is very worrying is I have started to drink more wine at night. It started with 2 small glasses a night now it is nearly a bottle most nights . I just find the alcohol makes me forgot stuff and makes me happy for a short time.

I should think a new job would be a great thing for you to focus on if you are feeling low and fed up with your DH. they won't ask about whether you are on ad's will they?

I say that it sounds to me as if , inspite of your grumble you seem to be handling things in the right way, getting things of your chest, making plans, getting perspective. I wish you luck for the New Year. I've still got four weeks to go before the arrival of first dc so I am envious of you drinking a bottle of wine a night!

Thanks for replies. I have just had a chat with DH and he said this (in his words) "you are a hormonal bitch & I am not putting up with your moods for much longer".

I guess I need to get to GP tomorrow .

Good luck for tomorrow. I think we all go through phases where life is tough, hopefully your GP can help you out

"Glad your not my counsellor "
What you said!

A different person I would go to your GP and ask about any other possible AD's to help you through. IME they act like a crutch and can be invaluable in stabilising mood. You also need to ask about counselling. Just taking AD's without working on the root causes of your unhappiness will not be helpful in the long run.
Have you talked to your DH? Does he have any idea you are so unhappy that you are thinking of ending the relationship?

The alcohol is just you self medicating, yes you need to moderate it, but no way do you need to go to AA. Theres a world of difference between problem drinking and alcoholism.

btw Im not a mental health professional but I do have personal experience of suffering with /recovering from severe depression and alcoholism (my mother is an alcoholic who all but drank herself to death-miraculously she stopped drinking after nearly killing herself)

Thanks.

I meant that about pixie. I wouldn't like her as my counsellor . She strikes me as to narrow-minded to be a counsellor.

I have told DH how unhappy I am - he just blames me for everything. He makes me feel useless.

R.E the drinking issue - I do need to stop, abottle most nights is too much, i know that.

wow, thats not very sympathetic
yes go to the docs, at least you would be taking the first steps to feeling better

I feel sorry for Pixie. true, She's not your counsellor, she's just someone offering a different opinion and the fact that you don't agree is a help to know what you do and don't think about a particular topic. Knowing what you don't need is as important as knowing what you do need. isn't that the point of anonymous internet date sites? this is an alternative to Professional help.

Frankly, I can see why you feel that way.

Of course it's hard to maintain a relationship with two small kids yada yada yada. But he's not exactly being very nice to you.

If my partner didn't do any household chores I'd be livid. All the time.

Good for you, sounds as if you're going to need your wits about you from now on.

Thanks Rosalinda.

The problem with this site is that people often say too little in their original posts, so you can't get the whole story at first.

If someone says they drink a bottle a night, true that does not mean they need AA, but it maybe shows that they need to take their drinking issue seriously, and either stop or get help before it gets worse.

I don't post here very often, as I am afraid I get sick of the bitchy posts- I might say things that people disagree with-but I would never be bitchy to anyone, or make personal attacks. It's a shame that people use their anonymity to do that.

i think you need to go to relate. i think your marriage problems should be tackled. you're quite right to expect some help from him.

i agree with madamez that lack of help around the house is a huge turn-off.

i also know that pmt can be extremely debilitating, not only for the sufferer but those around. maybe it's worth going to see a specialist? maybe there is an alternative therapy to ad's?

Rosalinda, I'm glad you give people the benefit of the doubt.

However, if someone said to me,

"You don't have split ends - I work as a hairdresser" then what does it matter, if she's not really a hairdresser, then I'll just end up with rubbish looking hair.

If someone said to me,

"You don't have depression - I work as a counsellor" then it kind of matters more. I may be in a vulnerable state and think I'm dealing with a professional rather than an internet monkey. I may stop taking medication because I can't think straight. Etc, you know where this is headed.

Fortunately, OP is inclined to the sceptical and doesn't believe this is an internet dating site (I'm assuming that was some sort of typo in your post)

warthog - i have tried all the usuals, evening primrose, vitamin b6, agnus castus but nothing seems to work.

I would be interested to know if homeopathy is any good? or maybe acupunture? tried reflexology but didn't rate it.

Pixiepip, suggest now's the time to stop digging.

catin tha hat i know what you're saying and I know people feel strongly and care about things on here, and yes i agree about the hair dressing analogy etc but you don't end up with rubbish hair because you would have ultimate final decision about whatever. Anyway i thought this was a date site?! no wonder I had no one to go out with on NYE. I have had plenty of bad experiences with hairdressers to know that they would be better re training as counsellors.

You fruitloop!!
I like your style Rosalinda

oily fish?

there was a bbc truth about food programme that tackled pmt and the participants said they found the diet vastly improved things.

unfortunately i can't remember which episode it was.

sorry OP, back to the original point, If you are looking for a new job do you really want to be thinking about ending your marriage at the same time? You need to do things one step at a time, and build on what you have so you can see what you want.

Best to find a job first, then see how things change as a result of working?

You poor thing. Maybe consider Relate or take up tartwithaharts advice on contacting a psychodymanic (was that the word)?consellor. I think Pixie was being a tad insensitive, not my idea of a sympathetic Counsellor.

Mademez is right about the reasons some employers don't like employing depressed people. You havn't been diagnosed with depression though, only Pmt? (sorry shouldn't say only pmt should I? I know how debilitating it can be).

Good luck with your GP tomorrow.

""you are a hormonal bitch & I am not putting up with your moods for much longer"."

This is bad, very bad - he obviously doesn't respect you and is abusing you.

I think either Relate or a divorce lawyer is your next step. You do not deserve to be treated like this.

There's a good book called "The Verbally Abusive" relationship by Patricia Evans that might help. Here's a link to her website:

link

pixiepip is anyone who does not agree with you by definition a bitch...

I am not being a bitch to you, I am saying from your advice on AD's and problem drinking ie advising going to AA for problem drinking, I would not want you or someone giving similar advice being a therapist to me. Simple as that.

"I have told DH how unhappy I am - he just blames me for everything. He makes me feel useless."

Oh dear shakes head Of course this is the crux of your unhappiness. Your depression will not get better without solving these deep problems in your relationship. I would agree with pixiepip on her point about breaking up a marriage with two children his hugely drastic step. My partner has gone through this and I will tell you its horribly painful for all involved in so many ways-it is definitely not an easy option.
I would say please try as hard as you can to save your marriage, relate counselling/ trial separation or whatever you need to. It may be recoverable, your DH might be able to see how bad his behavior has been and then you would both be able to work together to mend and then strengthen your relationship. I have had friends who have been through really bad lows in their relationships, made it work and grown to love each other again and ultimately have a stronger relationship by going through such tough times.

stop fighting among yourselves. Its my new years resolution to be nice.

I think the PMT and or depressive issues is having a hugely negative impact on your marriage and needs sorting ASAP

then you can look at if you want out