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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Aggressive for no reason

73 replies

mummatoonexxo · 08/02/2022 18:07

My partner who I have been with for 5 years and have a toddler with often makes up weird Scenarios in his head and makes me feel guilt for things I haven't even done. A lot of the time it's his insecurities worrying about people looking at me (men) and things like that. But today he says randomly "I'd kick the shit out of you if you ever cheated on me" obviously it annoyed me and I got funny with him and he started saying why am I being so defensive and trying to imply that I may actually be cheating. Not the first time he's made a comment like this. He has quite the history of being like this with me. He's pretty narcissistic and never sees the problem. What do you think..

OP posts:
Unanananana · 08/02/2022 18:09

I think he is a cunt

cheekychaplin · 08/02/2022 18:13

@Unanananana

I think he is a cunt

Agree.

newbiename · 08/02/2022 18:14

3rd vote for he's a cunt.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/02/2022 18:14

And you are still with this person because..,..

MayThePawsBeWithYou · 08/02/2022 18:15

I think he is an immature controlling twat who is threatening to harm you , why are you still with him.

GroggyLegs · 08/02/2022 18:16

I think you should run for the hills.

Listen to what he's telling you.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/02/2022 18:16

How can you be helped here into leaving your abuser?

You have a child, do you really want him to learn this terrible example of a relationship as his normal too?

Lilolily · 08/02/2022 18:16

You have been physically threatened with violence and you need to start planning your escape.

Thingsdogetbetter · 08/02/2022 18:21

@Unanananana

I think he is a cunt
Also agree.

I think you are confusing insecurities with a misogynistic need to control and punish. How much have you had to change your behaviour to avoid these 'weird scenarios'? And now he's treating violence? Everything you say to defend yourself is twisted to prove you are a cheat and that he is right to control and punish you. And it's escalating.

Original poster
mummatoonexxo · 08/02/2022 18:22

@AttilaTheMeerkat

How can you be helped here into leaving your abuser?

You have a child, do you really want him to learn this terrible example of a relationship as his normal too?

How do I possibly get out, he moved to my city 3 years ago 8 hours away from his family. There is not way in hell he would just leave especially considering our baby.
OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 08/02/2022 18:22

I think he’s a cunt as well
5th vote

MayThePawsBeWithYou · 08/02/2022 18:25

Have you got family and friends who can support you. Do you want to stay with him and ot pup with this behaviour or have a happy and safe life with your child.

girlmom21 · 08/02/2022 18:27

I also think he's a cunt.

Is there anywhere you can go? I wouldn't recommend asking him to leave given the fact he's clearly a violent thug.

Original poster
mummatoonexxo · 08/02/2022 18:32

@MayThePawsBeWithYou

Have you got family and friends who can support you. Do you want to stay with him and ot pup with this behaviour or have a happy and safe life with your child.
My family have never met the controlling side to him they adore him. In fact they defend him over me when we have little tiffs 99% of the time they see me as dramatic. My family aren't really emotional people definitely not people I can rely on for support, usually it's just me, myself and I
OP posts:
MayThePawsBeWithYou · 08/02/2022 18:34

I would stop telling your parents about your tiffs, if they are not interested in helping you then they dont need to know.

Original poster
mummatoonexxo · 08/02/2022 18:37

@MayThePawsBeWithYou

I would stop telling your parents about your tiffs, if they are not interested in helping you then they dont need to know.
It's not me who usually tells them it's him
OP posts:
ImperfectAlf · 08/02/2022 18:40

n fact they defend him over me when we have little tiffs 99% of the time they see me as dramatic.

My mother did this. It was never seen as his fault. Even though he was also a controlling cunt (6th vote).

It took me 20 years to deal with it, with no parental support. It will get worse.

Don't be me.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/02/2022 18:40

I am sorry that your parents are not helpful or all that supportive.

Abusers can be quite plausible to those in the outside world so it’s no real surprise that your family think he is great. It is for their chosen target that their abuse is aimed at.

ImperfectAlf · 08/02/2022 18:40

Bold fail.sorry

LadyLolaRuben · 08/02/2022 18:41

OP I'm worried that over time his behaviour will escalate. He thought about violence - reasons for it, he's imagined how he'd be violent towards you, he's communicated violence - threatened it. Whats next...he behaves violently? I'd be making a sharp exit and not tell him in advance. Stay safe x

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/02/2022 18:45

Do not let your son grow up seeing this terrible relationship as his normal. This is no relationship model to be showing him.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/02/2022 18:47

Abusers do not generally speaking leave at all easily because they enjoy the power and control they have over their target.

Are you yourself in the UK?

MrsTimRiggins · 08/02/2022 18:49

@Unanananana

I think he is a cunt
Yea this is what I was going to say so… I also think I’d be single. Find your self worth and set a better example to your child than to put up with this shit, you’re being abused.
user1471453601 · 08/02/2022 18:51

I had to go back and read again your opening statement. I got to the word "shit" and thought a toddler wouldn't say that.

So I was under the impression that it was your toddler that was behaving that way,not your partner. Says it all, doesn't it? Making up scenarios in his head seems relatively ok for a toddler, not for a grown man.

MizzFizz · 08/02/2022 18:58

That is absolutely horrible!! First it's emotional abuse with threats of physical abuse. Second, how do you not get the absolute Ick from a man so insecure he talks about "kicking the shit out of" his partner and mother of his child.

I know it might be complicated to split up, but you need to value yourself enough to take care of yourself and your child by getting away from what is a very bad situation.

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