Page 2 | Aggressive for no reason

Original poster

mummatoonexxo · 08/02/2022 18:58

@AttilaTheMeerkat

Abusers do not generally speaking leave at all easily because they enjoy the power and control they have over their target.

Are you yourself in the UK?

I am in the uk, my son also is under assessments for autism so that doesn't make things easier. I keep telling myself that maybe it will get better hes being saying for a while about us all moving closer to his family, his mum knows exactly what he is like she often tells me i deserve a medal. His family are so lovely other than his brother (in prison for beating his girlfriend) sometimes I ask myself would his behaviour improve if he was closer to him friends and family. But then I tell myself I'm being naive. Every time he makes a comment that crosses the line he always makes out it was a joke and I'm miserable and and no humour. Most of the time he has me question if I'm the problem.

OP posts:

Lolapusht · 08/02/2022 19:04

Ahhh…So he’s got a support squad in the shape of your family who he can use to support his “She’s crazy/abusive/unhinged” narrative.

He chose to move 8 hours to be with you, he’s also choosing to be abusive. If he can manage to be Mr Charming with everyone else he’s just saving the shit behaviour for you. Is that enough for you?

He’s already told you that he thinks it acceptable to beat you if you cheat on him and he has form for being unreasonably suspicious. All he has to do is start an argument with you and accuse you of cheating, you deny it, he says you’re denying it too much therefore you must be guilty, you try to defend yourself by arguing your side, he hits you because you made him so angry. He then runs off to your family to tell them what’s happened and, most importantly, why. How could you cheat on him?! Why would you do something so awful??? Of course he lost his temper…anyone would if they’d been cheated on like that. How could you do that to him? He moved 8 hour to be with you and this is how you treat him?

If he’s not going to change (and if he’s got narc tendencies I doubt he will) then you should leave, preferably before he hits you. You deserve happiness and freedom to be loved.

Original poster

mummatoonexxo · 08/02/2022 19:12

@Lolapusht

Ahhh…So he’s got a support squad in the shape of your family who he can use to support his “She’s crazy/abusive/unhinged” narrative.

He chose to move 8 hours to be with you, he’s also choosing to be abusive. If he can manage to be Mr Charming with everyone else he’s just saving the shit behaviour for you. Is that enough for you?

He’s already told you that he thinks it acceptable to beat you if you cheat on him and he has form for being unreasonably suspicious. All he has to do is start an argument with you and accuse you of cheating, you deny it, he says you’re denying it too much therefore you must be guilty, you try to defend yourself by arguing your side, he hits you because you made him so angry. He then runs off to your family to tell them what’s happened and, most importantly, why. How could you cheat on him?! Why would you do something so awful??? Of course he lost his temper…anyone would if they’d been cheated on like that. How could you do that to him? He moved 8 hour to be with you and this is how you treat him?

If he’s not going to change (and if he’s got narc tendencies I doubt he will) then you should leave, preferably before he hits you. You deserve happiness and freedom to be loved.

He has said it himself before, he is scared I'm going to find someone Who is going to treat me better, yet he won't change his behaviours. He's deleted male friends of my phone, been through my phone, I have no social media, he doesn't like me drinking, sometimes I ask myself how blind can I be. For sure if I left him he would make my life living hell he's told me that before also, he's also mentioned killing himself if he didn't have me or my son. I can't seem to pull myself together and find the strength to go through all of that, I'm not the most emotionally stable person as it is and I have a lot of anxiety's he knows this.

OP posts:

IsItTooHotInHere · 08/02/2022 19:16

Yes, he's a cunt

WildPoinsettia · 08/02/2022 19:17

@mummatoonexxo

My partner who I have been with for 5 years and have a toddler with often makes up weird Scenarios in his head and makes me feel guilt for things I haven't even done. A lot of the time it's his insecurities worrying about people looking at me (men) and things like that. But today he says randomly "I'd kick the shit out of you if you ever cheated on me" obviously it annoyed me and I got funny with him and he started saying why am I being so defensive and trying to imply that I may actually be cheating. Not the first time he's made a comment like this. He has quite the history of being like this with me. He's pretty narcissistic and never sees the problem. What do you think..

LTB because his behaviour is escalating, he's having an impact on your grip of reality and emotional well-being (feeling guilty for things you haven't done and having to ask us if his bat-shit behaviour is ok), it's only a matter of time before he decides you must be cheating and follows through on his threats with action. Leave him to stew in his warped thoughts by himself and save yourself and DC. There's nothing you can do about the way he thinks.

WildPoinsettia · 08/02/2022 19:25

For sure if I left him he would make my life living hell he's told me that before also, he's also mentioned killing himself if he didn't have me or my son. I can't seem to pull myself together and find the strength to go through all of that, I'm not the most emotionally stable person as it is and I have a lot of anxiety's he knows this.

As if he's not already making your life hell.

You're at your strongest now, as time goes on he'll grind you you down more and more, your anxiety will get worse and you'll feel less and less able to leave. Until you maybe reach a breaking point and finally realise you have no choice.

You're not responsible for his actions. Threatening to kill himself is manipulation to get you to stay and if you leave and he does, it won't be your fault.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/02/2022 19:25

He will go onto destroy you and your child if you remain with him for whatever reason. He knows you do not have family support and indeed he has used that against you as well.

This relationship is over in any event because of the coercive control and gaslighting he meets out to you and in turn your child.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/02/2022 19:27

He wants to keep you in a cage of his own paranoid making.

WildPoinsettia · 08/02/2022 19:30

You asked how do you get out because you don't think he'll voluntarily leave. That answer depends on your situation. Are you married? Do you or he own property? If yes, is it owned separately or jointly? Do you work or have any source of income?

Original poster

mummatoonexxo · 08/02/2022 19:35

@WildPoinsettia

You asked how do you get out because you don't think he'll voluntarily leave. That answer depends on your situation. Are you married? Do you or he own property? If yes, is it owned separately or jointly? Do you work or have any source of income?

We are not married or own property, I work yes and he doesn't

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/02/2022 19:44

What does he do all day if he is not working?.

Is a rental agreement in your sole name?.

Original poster

mummatoonexxo · 08/02/2022 19:50

@AttilaTheMeerkat

What does he do all day if he is not working?.

Is a rental agreement in your sole name?.

He does nothing. He says work is depressing him, and when I ever mention work he makes out to everyone I'm pressuring him. He stays up until 3/4 in the morning and stays in bed late. It's always been this way

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/02/2022 19:56

You cannot go on like this and this is not going to get any better for you. He is basically dragging you and in turn your child down with him.

Apart from abusing you he’s also taking you for a fool. You’re anxious whilst you are knocking yourself out working he lazes in bed all day long. He has a cushy existence here.

Is he now a UK citizen?. What is his status?.

Pinkbonbon · 08/02/2022 20:01

Ffs op..I think.you need to get away from this headfucking abusive cunt asap.

Oh and he is NOT insecure. He is controlling.

All to often we make the mistake of blaming 'insecurity' because that's the only reason we can ever imagine someone decent might behave a certain way. But here's the thing - he is not decent.

Please get away from him. Your child should not be raised in a household where its father threatens and abuses his mother. Lead by example and show them that you should nevr stay around bullies or fart about trying to understand or explain their behaviour - just get the heck away from them.

Bananalanacake · 08/02/2022 20:02

Does he at least care for your DC while you are working, either way it's best to leave as he's abusive.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/02/2022 20:04

The only good to have come out of this whole relationship is your son.

You’ve written about him before now and nothing has changed since. It won’t until you yourself decide to and take actual steps to remove your abuser from your life. He targeted you and deliberately so as well. He is absolutely no decent role model for your child.

Fireflygal · 08/02/2022 20:36

You poor live, he sounds awful but I'm sure he is plausible

It's not me who usually tells them it's him

This is the smear campaign, he is likely to be saying other things that you are not aware of. It's another form of control, he wants you to have no supporters.

MeSanniesareBrannies · 08/02/2022 20:44

He makes out you’re pressuring him…to get a job? Okay, and? That seems a perfectly sensible thing to be pressuring him about.

So, he’s an abusive controlling cocklodger. No, he’s not going to kill himself. Yes, you do need to find the strength to leave him. What do you need to make this happen?

GeneLovesJezebel · 08/02/2022 20:47

He is abusive.
Your child will learn from him.
I’d consider reporting this threat to your life to the police on 101.

WildPoinsettia · 08/02/2022 22:50

We are not married or own property, I work yes and he doesn't

Excellent, then you're in a good situation to rent a property just for you and your son.

Who's name is the current tenancy in and when does it end?

Justilou1 · 08/02/2022 22:54

He is very dangerous. He is making you out to be the bad guy to your own family. His physical and mental health are not your responsibility. He is not your child. You DO have a responsibility to provide a physically and emotionally safe environment for your child and to get him away from you both. You need to speak to your GP, health visitor, SS, everyone you can about this man and be prepared to call the police and press charges.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 08/02/2022 22:56

@Unanananana

I think he is a cunt

I think that too and I think you should end it with him.

Whydidimarryhim · 09/02/2022 00:08

What a shining example of a father he is - abusive men always threaten suicide when they think you will leave them. He’s a loser. Look up the freedom course - I’d start letting others know that you are close too and trust.

girlmom21 · 09/02/2022 07:00

Are you able to save enough for a deposit?

Original poster

mummatoonexxo · 09/02/2022 08:42

@girlmom21

Are you able to save enough for a deposit?

He knows where every peny of our money goes, I can keep back £20 or so but most definitely not large amounts he would notice and ask questions

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