MIL Jelly Over ANNIVERSARY

[MrsMissusAnonAnonymous]

So, DH and I had our first anniversary. There was a little confusion to some people as to what day it was (on the license date or the wedding day?? We chose the date on our license). But MIL was always in the know, as she’s the one who informed me that we were technically already married a few days before the wedding day (which really was just a fancy dinner, vows were spoken on the license day at a registration).

Anyways. Our anniversary comes up, and we’re spending the day together. However, MIL keeps calling over petty nothings (not unusual) and asks DH a favor… DH says today’s my anniversary, so I’ll do it tomorrow. To which she just says “ok we’ll make sure you stop by your parents on your bday”. I found it off because she’s the type that will congratulate plenty for things like that.

Anyways, time passes, we eat out, and I decide, out of fairness, I’ll send her a picture of us on our dinner that I sent to other various well-wishing family members. She congratulated me and says she thought it was the 8th, to which I just say thanks and don’t argue. But, not even a heartbeat later, DH received this angry text “Congratulations on your anniversary (DH’s name) but I just found it from (OP’s name) that it’s today and not the 8th”. Like he’s supposed to apologize? Offer explanation? Like it truly matters to her what day we celebrate? Anyways he exaplains the concept to her and tells her that he did tell her on the phone, to which she doesn’t respond.

We went over for his bday a few days later, and nothing was said on the matter which is so odd given the type of person she is. Generally she’d gush and say she’s so happy. Today is the day of the wedding day. I receive a text, a picture of DH and I, with “Happy Anniversary❤️“ from MIL. It agitates me because we made it very clear what day and it’s like she’s just trying to coax me into arguing with her or just letting her pick the day and control it. I haven’t responded. I’m not sure to respond if at all. She does this type of thing where she just ignores your wishes and gaslights you into what she wants and it just irks me that it seems she’s trying make DH and I conform into that for our anniversary. What should I say?

What flavour was the jelly? You didn't mention it. I'm hoping...pineapple.

I love pineapple jelly.

YABU for Jelly

@noirchatsdeux

What flavour was the jelly? You didn't mention it. I'm hoping...pineapple.

I love pineapple jelly.

Jealous jelly. The best

@Jenjenn

YABU for Jelly

Ok.. does jelly not translate to jealous where you guys are at?

Lime.

I wondered where the jelly came into it!

You ain’t ready for the jelly.

Yeah MIL needs to go to jelly school mmkay

People in this situation usually take the wedding day for the anniversary date, the legal stuff being less “special”.

@GinIronic

Lime.

Is the best because I'm the only one in the house that likes it so it's all mine

There’s clearly a lot of backstory, but based solely on the post, you both sound a bit mad. 😂

It’s your anniversary. It’s absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. So what if she’s being silly? To me this would be a non-issue. There’s nothing to be agitated about. You can ignore it (which is what I would do) or just go ‘our anniversary was on Xx day, as we told you’.

I hope you had a nice anniversary.

She sounds so controlling! Try not to react.
She can't make you celebrate a different day.

you both sound as bad as each other TBH.

“Ok.. does jelly not translate to jealous where you guys are at?”

It’s not something I’ve ever heard anyone say without irony, no. I’ve also never heard ‘where you are at’ before. However, I’m not here to judge your phrasing or grammar.

I think she's trying to get a reaction out of you. Don't rise to it. I would probably say something like "Oh thank you! Remember when you reminded us that we were actually legally married on X day? We didn't even realize it but after you had mentioned it we figured that's when we should celebrate our anniversary."

Kill her with boring kindness. And keep your emotional distance from her, she sounds toxic. Don't discuss important personal things with her, ever.

Being a controlling person is different from being jealous. I don't see where her being 'jealous' comes in at all. Why would she be?

Never heard of jealous jelly! I imagine it's sour.

Ignore MIL. Anniversaries are for a couple to celebrate between themselves surely. It's not really relevant to anyone else which day you celebrate. In future years just don't mention it to her.

Ive never heard jelly for jealous no. I. In Ireland. But I dont think she's jealous. I think she's asserting that where your two interpretations of one event differ, hers is correct. If you get upset, you feed in to her belief that you n3ed her to sign off on your interpretation.
Dont fall for it. Just look blank. And do what you do without her blessing

I only like jelly in a trifle.

I assumed jelly was a predictive text typo!

Jelly? JFC. I also didn’t know people cared about people’s anniversaries. I certainly don’t.

Orange, raspberry or lime jelly are the best!

1. Ignore her.

1. Realize that very few people care about your anniversary as much as you do.

1. Realize that if she cares deeply about your anniversary, that's weird.

1. In general, try to opt out of petty psychodramas with your mother-in-law, who will be in your life for the rest of your anniversaries in her lifetime.

1. Avoid jelly.

@PeakyBlender

I only like jelly in a trifle.

YABU. There’s no jelly in trifle!

@chilli1212

I assumed jelly was a predictive text typo!

Until I read the whole post and realised OP was using jelly as a short form for jealous, I thought op and dh were having a romantic dinner and mil knew but turned up with an anniversary jelly (a big red wobbly one you used to see in storybooks was what I pictured for this) and refused to leave.