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Original poster

MIL Jelly Over ANNIVERSARY

194 replies

MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 08/02/2022 16:12

So, DH and I had our first anniversary. There was a little confusion to some people as to what day it was (on the license date or the wedding day?? We chose the date on our license). But MIL was always in the know, as she’s the one who informed me that we were technically already married a few days before the wedding day (which really was just a fancy dinner, vows were spoken on the license day at a registration).

Anyways. Our anniversary comes up, and we’re spending the day together. However, MIL keeps calling over petty nothings (not unusual) and asks DH a favor… DH says today’s my anniversary, so I’ll do it tomorrow. To which she just says “ok we’ll make sure you stop by your parents on your bday”. I found it off because she’s the type that will congratulate plenty for things like that.

Anyways, time passes, we eat out, and I decide, out of fairness, I’ll send her a picture of us on our dinner that I sent to other various well-wishing family members. She congratulated me and says she thought it was the 8th, to which I just say thanks and don’t argue. But, not even a heartbeat later, DH received this angry text “Congratulations on your anniversary (DH’s name) but I just found it from (OP’s name) that it’s today and not the 8th”. Like he’s supposed to apologize? Offer explanation? Like it truly matters to her what day we celebrate? Anyways he exaplains the concept to her and tells her that he did tell her on the phone, to which she doesn’t respond.

We went over for his bday a few days later, and nothing was said on the matter which is so odd given the type of person she is. Generally she’d gush and say she’s so happy. Today is the day of the wedding day. I receive a text, a picture of DH and I, with “Happy Anniversary❤️“ from MIL. It agitates me because we made it very clear what day and it’s like she’s just trying to coax me into arguing with her or just letting her pick the day and control it. I haven’t responded. I’m not sure to respond if at all. She does this type of thing where she just ignores your wishes and gaslights you into what she wants and it just irks me that it seems she’s trying make DH and I conform into that for our anniversary. What should I say?

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 09/02/2022 05:15

Can you not think ‘uhm, okay, she’s a bit odd’ and just ignore the text? Why are you riled up. I’d ignore it and genuinely not give it 2 thoughts.

expat101 · 09/02/2022 05:15

I wonder if she had planned on cooking you a lovely dinner as a surprise but didn't actually forewarn you to come around... or something like that.

One of my cousins has multiple wedding dates. I didn't get invited to either but I often wonder which one they officially celebrate and why two weddings. I only ever saw photos of one.

No one is famous and all within close proximity to the other location-wise.

sashh · 09/02/2022 05:17

@PolytheneRam

What's a licence day??
My maternal grand parents were married by 'special licence', grandma was under 21 and couldn't get parental permission to marry so they had to go to court for permission to marry.

Oh and she made a fab trifle with both jelly and sherry.

Oh and today I get my nails gone, with gel, so I may have to make a trifle to remember her.

AChocolateOrangeaday · 09/02/2022 05:19

No one gives a shit about other people’s

Yabu

AChocolateOrangeaday · 09/02/2022 05:19

Anniversaries obviously!

1AngelicFruitCake · 09/02/2022 05:40

In a few years your anniversary won’t seem like such a big deal.
I think she was annoyed she didn’t have the right date and felt on the back foot. Not sure why she’d be jealous?

milkyaqua · 09/02/2022 05:40

So, DH and I had our first anniversary. There was a little confusion to some people as to what day it was (on the license date or the wedding day?? We chose the date on our license).

Yeah, well, you were wrong! You were the confused ones.

Plus "jelly".

A wedding anniversary is the anniversary of the wedding!

DropYourSword · 09/02/2022 05:55

I think with a wedding anniversary the clue is in the name, and you're being pretty odd celebrating the wrong date, but that's entirely your choice!

I also think the text that was sent to your DH wasn't "angry" in the slightest!

DropYourSword · 09/02/2022 06:00

@CheesyWeez

Op I'd reply to your MiL's "Happy Anniversary❤️“ with a brief "Thanks" that's all.

I never heard of anyone wishing anyone else a Happy wedding anniversary anyway, it's just for the couple to celebrate if they want to, surely?

There is no jelly in a traditional trifle, trifle was a thing back in history before Jelly was invented. Modern trifles with jelly are also delicious though

Where do you live OP, that you have a license and are at somewhere? Intrigued by your vocabulary.

Why would that be at all intriguing?!
OutlookStalking · 09/02/2022 06:11

Id give her the benefit of the doubt tbh.

Her message to your dh wasnt aggressive - just "I didn't know." She probably had missed that bit in conversation!! People often do when thinking of next thing to qay or make leaps like (ah yes anniversary is coming up).

I send photos like that when they appear on my facebook or photos on my phone "a year ago" and have sent happy anniversary messages.

Its lovely she wanted to remember and congratulate you. Dont go causing trouble because she hasn't done it to your exacting terms (and celebrating on a different day to a 2edding is unusual - I might assume that meant you'd chosen a couple of days earlier to "celebrate" as in easier to fit in a dinner that night - like going out for your birthday meal on a saturday. Its lovely she still wanted to congratulate you a year after your wedding. What terminology should she have used? Anniversary does mean a year later!!

lololololollll · 09/02/2022 06:15

On my anniversary my MIL wanted us to call her even tho we were in a hotel celebrating, like it was her anniversary to celebrate. Poor DH had to deal with the sulking about that but I just ignored it and thanked god she wasn't my Mum. Try and do that

FlapsInTheWind · 09/02/2022 06:35

Green and orange jelly is for Halloween only. It's the law. Stop with your green jelly at Easter shite FFS! Rabbits! Hells teeth whatever next?

FlapsInTheWind · 09/02/2022 06:43

Are you sure you don't mean jello OP? Jelly is jam right?

You need to learn all and every method of grey rock. Slow down the answering of her texts. Slow down responding. It's your response that is the issue here. Don't. If you think she's trying to needle you, drop the rope, don't respond. Behave as if you missed that behaviour completely and eventually she will move on to plague some other poor bugger. Every time you feed her she will be back for more. You are her entertainment. Don't be. Grey rock. It will drive her crazy but ignore, ignore, ignore. You will have more fun this way and be more likely to survive long term.

RachHen · 09/02/2022 06:51

Don’t say jelly. It’s awful.

coldfeetmama · 09/02/2022 06:51

Mmmmmm just woke at 0650 and now really want lime jelly for breakfast

Never ever have I had beef and peas with my trifle , must give that a try

OutlookStalking · 09/02/2022 06:52

I did join as curious about the jelly! (Jello is american isn't it? Jelly for jam confused me for ages - I thought a pb and j had actual jelly in it....)

pog100 · 09/02/2022 06:52

@Fluffycloudland77

Wtf? Obviously the anniversary is the day you married. What’s the licence day got to do with it.

That’s like us celebrating the day we booked the church. Which I can’t as I’ve forgotten the date.

It's not really what she asked, but it's the day they said their vows and became legally married. The wedding day was a party. No need to be so dismissive!
RachHen · 09/02/2022 06:53

@Ileflottante

Jelly? JFC. I also didn’t know people cared about people’s anniversaries. I certainly don’t.
This. Just ignore her. And stop making such a big deal over wedding anniversaries.
RampantIvy · 09/02/2022 07:07

Being a pedantic sort I would have thought the wedding anniversary would be the date of the legal bit, not the party.

Being an old gimmer I read the entire OP wondering what on earth jelly had to do with it, and didn't realise until others posters (probably those with young children) pointed it out.

What a drama over nothing. The OP does sound extremely young.

anotherbrewplease · 09/02/2022 07:18

Grow Up.

Top tip when you're married.

FancySusan · 09/02/2022 07:24

It’s your anniversary. It’s absolutely nothing to do with anyone else

I agree. Stop giving her information.

Which day are you celebrating your wedding anniversary?
We haven't decided yet.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 09/02/2022 07:46

@Ileflottante

Jelly? JFC. I also didn’t know people cared about people’s anniversaries. I certainly don’t.
JFC? Jelly Favourite Colour? Lime BTW Jelly Fruit and Custard? A trifle? Jelly's Favourite Cousin? Blancmange?
Bananarama21 · 09/02/2022 07:55

Christ no one is arsed about your anniversary but you and people don't usually fawn over them either. I couldn't even tell you the excate date of my parents wedding anniversary.

gannett · 09/02/2022 07:57

The MIL may or may not be petty but the OP's entire post reeks of petty mind games that would be immature for a tween. Sorry that your life is so dull that you have to manufacture drama out of nothing (and use cringeworthy slang) to make it sound interesting.

LargeInCharge · 09/02/2022 08:00

Buy this and make her some green eyed lime flavour ones.

MIL Jelly Over ANNIVERSARY