MIL Jelly Over ANNIVERSARY

[MrsMissusAnonAnonymous]

So, DH and I had our first anniversary. There was a little confusion to some people as to what day it was (on the license date or the wedding day?? We chose the date on our license). But MIL was always in the know, as she’s the one who informed me that we were technically already married a few days before the wedding day (which really was just a fancy dinner, vows were spoken on the license day at a registration).

Anyways. Our anniversary comes up, and we’re spending the day together. However, MIL keeps calling over petty nothings (not unusual) and asks DH a favor… DH says today’s my anniversary, so I’ll do it tomorrow. To which she just says “ok we’ll make sure you stop by your parents on your bday”. I found it off because she’s the type that will congratulate plenty for things like that.

Anyways, time passes, we eat out, and I decide, out of fairness, I’ll send her a picture of us on our dinner that I sent to other various well-wishing family members. She congratulated me and says she thought it was the 8th, to which I just say thanks and don’t argue. But, not even a heartbeat later, DH received this angry text “Congratulations on your anniversary (DH’s name) but I just found it from (OP’s name) that it’s today and not the 8th”. Like he’s supposed to apologize? Offer explanation? Like it truly matters to her what day we celebrate? Anyways he exaplains the concept to her and tells her that he did tell her on the phone, to which she doesn’t respond.

We went over for his bday a few days later, and nothing was said on the matter which is so odd given the type of person she is. Generally she’d gush and say she’s so happy. Today is the day of the wedding day. I receive a text, a picture of DH and I, with “Happy Anniversary❤️“ from MIL. It agitates me because we made it very clear what day and it’s like she’s just trying to coax me into arguing with her or just letting her pick the day and control it. I haven’t responded. I’m not sure to respond if at all. She does this type of thing where she just ignores your wishes and gaslights you into what she wants and it just irks me that it seems she’s trying make DH and I conform into that for our anniversary. What should I say?

I now have to go out for jelly. Craving lime now and I usually hate jelly!

Hah sorry OP ignore me I got distracted and typed that REALLY slowly.

I got married in Vegas and before the ceremony this bloke ushers us into the corridor and says 'do you want to marry this man?' I thought he was a bit weird, no introductions, so I said ' yes, why?' Lol. He just went on to ask my OH and then said 'congrats'. I didn't realise that was the legal bit. The ceremony was straight after but I suppose it could have been days later (upto 90 days). We had to get a licence from the county clerk's office, which was a few days before hand but I thought the licence was just giving permission to marry, documents checked etc. No way would I have celebrated that day as it hadn't been made official.

You sound bonkers and desperate for a fight with the poor woman. Grow up and focus your energy elsewhere.

Oh, and 'Well jel' means jealous. Or you could say 'jel' but not 'jelly'.

When you sat down and ate...salad? Wedding salad?

There are too many non-wedding related foods in this thread.

Wedding salad?

Maybe MIL is still cross that you fed her salad for your wedding breakfast and that’s why she’s being a pain.

@RedScarfJamjar

When you sat down and ate...salad? Wedding salad?

There are too many non-wedding related foods in this thread.

😂😂😂

[quote FelicityPike]@MichelleScarn (best name ever btw)
Are those tinned pear rabbits?! That’s awesome.[/quote]
@FelicityPike pear rabbits, almonds for the ears, raisin nose and 'skooshy' cream for the tail!

@MrsMissusAnonAnonymous

So, DH and I had our first anniversary. There was a little confusion to some people as to what day it was (on the license date or the wedding day?? We chose the date on our license). But MIL was always in the know, as she’s the one who informed me that we were technically already married a few days before the wedding day (which really was just a fancy dinner, vows were spoken on the license day at a registration).

Anyways. Our anniversary comes up, and we’re spending the day together. However, MIL keeps calling over petty nothings (not unusual) and asks DH a favor… DH says today’s my anniversary, so I’ll do it tomorrow. To which she just says “ok we’ll make sure you stop by your parents on your bday”. I found it off because she’s the type that will congratulate plenty for things like that.

Anyways, time passes, we eat out, and I decide, out of fairness, I’ll send her a picture of us on our dinner that I sent to other various well-wishing family members. She congratulated me and says she thought it was the 8th, to which I just say thanks and don’t argue. But, not even a heartbeat later, DH received this angry text “Congratulations on your anniversary (DH’s name) but I just found it from (OP’s name) that it’s today and not the 8th”. Like he’s supposed to apologize? Offer explanation? Like it truly matters to her what day we celebrate? Anyways he exaplains the concept to her and tells her that he did tell her on the phone, to which she doesn’t respond.

We went over for his bday a few days later, and nothing was said on the matter which is so odd given the type of person she is. Generally she’d gush and say she’s so happy. Today is the day of the wedding day. I receive a text, a picture of DH and I, with “Happy Anniversary❤️“ from MIL. It agitates me because we made it very clear what day and it’s like she’s just trying to coax me into arguing with her or just letting her pick the day and control it. I haven’t responded. I’m not sure to respond if at all. She does this type of thing where she just ignores your wishes and gaslights you into what she wants and it just irks me that it seems she’s trying make DH and I conform into that for our anniversary. What should I say?

I've heard jelly for jealous before but I think it's considered a bit twee. And twee is a crime on mumsnet so you've fucked up royally there but at least the rest of us will have much merriment on this thread, so thank you for that!

On your actual issue, the only acceptable response is to completely ignore. Don't respond. She's trying to push your buttons and it'll piss her off no end if she thinks she's failed. Honestly, just say absolutely nothing, serene in the knowledge that she'll be waiting in vain for you to bite.

And why thank you also re name @FelicityPike. ThreatLevelMidnight all the way!

@Rossnagoose

So you’re engaged in intergenerational rivalry on who knows best which day is your wedding anniversary?

Why don’t you try wrestling (in jelly) for dominance to sort it finally?

@rossnagoose I lolled

@MeSanniesareBrannies

“Ok.. does jelly not translate to jealous where you guys are at?”

It’s not something I’ve ever heard anyone say without irony, no. I’ve also never heard ‘where you are at’ before. However, I’m not here to judge your phrasing or grammar.

Where you are at is quite common here in parts of NI or where are you at

@MrsClatterbuck I’m sure everything is common somewhere. However, I’ve personally never heard it.

Haha dh is a leap year baby and always celebrates, on years without 29 Feb, on 1 March as he wasn’t born 28 feb so at least by 1 March he was a living baby outside the womb. This was his family tradition. Facebook sets leap year BBC’ reminders for 28 Feb, so his mum now celebrates then - calls him and sends a message on Fb. It’s hilariously bonkers.

Your wedding day that she celebrated with you is the date she wants to mark… you and dh can happily say “we do something special on x date as that’s the day we became man and wife officially”. Technically they’re both anniversaries of a thing happening so neither of you are wrong.

Try Googling “passive aggressive narcissist” or reading “the covert passive aggressive narcissist”, it might help you deal with some of your MIL behaviours knowing that there’s actually something wrong with her. Also gives you some coping strategies. Really helped me with mine

Assuming the OP is in the USA as giving the dates 'backwards', which would make sense with the wedding licence.

Ignore your MIL...but also stop sending PA photos to her just to wind her up! You know that's why you did it, so own it at least 🤷‍♀️Nobody cares about your wedding anniversary! It's a non-event to everyone apart from you!!!

I'm really disappointed that there was no actually jelly involved [sad face] YABVU for using a misleading thread title.