Did other parents do this to their young kids in the 80's?

[ihatethecold]

When I was 4/5/6/ my mum would sit next to me at the dinner table if I was refusing to finish something on my plate. If I left my peas she would sit and bang the table rhythmically and say the Eat, Eat , Eat each time her hand hit the table. She didn't do this really loudly but she was persistent with it.

I remember hating it and trying to eat the food I'd left. One time she did this when she had made me scrambled eggs.
I couldn't eat it all so she started banging the table and saying Eat. I remember then finishing the food and 5 mins later I was sick everywhere.

This isn't/ wasn't ok was it?

Did other parents do this?

I never realised really how weird it was until I tell my kids things that used to happen to me.... They do comment that I had a weird abusive upbringing.

Ive had tons of therapy for what they put me through but i've never spoken about this in counselling.

My children were born in the 70's and due to my own childhood I gave them meals they wanted, no pressure to eat anything at all. This led to a strange problem, DS complained that he'd had something wonderful for school dinner and he wanted it at home. It was called cabbage.

It hasn't left me with disordered eating but I do generally leave some on my plate and won't over eat.
I will happily chuck leftovers from the dinner in the bin if its not a proper portion size.

I always say to my daughter, "just eat what you want" when we are at he table.

I haven't ever taking this to counselling because there has always been more pressing things to process but writing this op has helped me.

Grew up in the 90’s and still had this. Would also end up being sick and as I got older (as in 10) would start making myself sick after meals as I would be so full. Would also be told what I liked, majority of it I didn’t but had to eat it as “yes you do like it”.
Was a revelation as an adult the first time I realised I could actually leave food when I was finished.
Thankfully not like this with my own DC however my brother is with his, he can’t stand when I allow my children to leave when they’re full and I can’t stand his DC being hounded and not allowed to leave or have a drink until they’ve had so many more mouthfuls.

I'm mid 20s and this sound like the shit my parents did so 00's rather than 80, I only realised recently that it's a miracle that I don't have an eating disorder between the pressure and stress of meal times and then the comments on my body and others bodies

No it's not ok snd no my parents never did this.

Honestly, there is no excuse for treating kids like this. This thread has shown that some parents are just shit, whatever decade they were it. It wasn't just certain times. Forcing a child to eat food that makes them vomit, making them sit at table for hours, feeding them yesterday's left food cold for breakfast- all abusive, however it's framed.
I have a couple of friends who were treated like this and both have eating distress still, in mid-life.
The current trend of giving children exactly what they fancy isn't healthy either, but there's got to be a good middle ground, and cooking food properly and allowing for preferences isn't that hard, even if you don't have much to spend.

I was born early 70s and no, this did not happen in my family, we'd be encouraged to eat, never bullied. There was one, single, incident, where my mother was just really upset and scared I wasn't eating enough (I was a tiny kid, I can understand what drove her in this matter), I was 3 or 4 years old, she shook me by the shoulders because I simply could not swallow the scrambled egg and water that was in my mouth. I just refused, it made me very, very stubborn about food ever since. Then she cried and said sorry and hugged me. It never happened again, but to this day I will almost always leave a tiny bit of food on a plate, as a kind of defiance to being told 'eat it all up'. I cannot stand people (usually women) who try and force me to eat more than I want or give out disapproval. Their card is marked, I ain't your kid, lady, so stop acting like you have any authority over me, they simply get a hard stare back for as long as it takes, nobody gets away with that with me. My heart goes out to everyone who's been abused over food, like some of the awful experiences related here.

It's definitely just another form of abuse.

Basically it is exerting control and inflicting physical and emotional discomfort on a child.

My hideous mother used to serve me food she knew I hated (offal, boney fish with the head still on, had to eat the skin etc). Vomiting wasn't a reason to stop eating.

She also used to withhold food and restrict what we ate and enjoyed telling me how much bigger I was than my sisters.

I was beautiful inside and out but unfortunately I didn't realise this until I was in my 40s.

Also, I have been very relaxed with my three dc, they are in control of when they snack and how much (and what) they have for lunch and dinner.

They are all a perfect weight and get very excited by the food I cook which is lovely for me. I've got a beef stew on the hob for dinner and my 8 year old cheered when I told him.

I used to come home to offal/fish and punishment.

Just to say that I have recently ditched my mother and am delighted that she will grow old without me there as her servant.

@Shortbread49

Yes mine dud this to my older brother I remember him crying so much he was sick they also locked him out of the back door and made him put his plate in the bin and eat off that wasn’t nice and now I won’t leave my children alone with them

That's so sad and very disturbing tk read. You say you won't leave your children alone with them... I wouldn't be seeing them at all. I'm really suprised that you want a relationship with them at all and for your children to see them. How do you get past seeing them do that to your brother?

I didn't have that experience specifically, but I was conditioned to eat everything in front of me. Indeed, the teachers at school would scold us for putting anything in the bin, and they would mention how there were children starving in Africa. Obviously, this makes absolutely no sense- anything we eat is food that is distributed and sold within the UK, so whether or not we eat it makes absolutely no difference to people in Africa who live in poverty.

Anyway, many adults finish everything on their plate out of habit, and the behavour is very common and is known as "plate-clearing". I think it's a bad thing without question, because we just learned to eat excessively. I would never condition a child to clear their plate.

I was a child of the 80s. We were made to eat EVERYTHING.

I suffered an eating disorder in my teens through a fear of not being able to finish my food.

I never tell my daughter she has to eat everything.

I was never made to do that. My mom would beg me in a funny way to have a few more bites and if oblige.

Otherwise I’ve always felt comfortable leaving food on my plate. I’ve never felt the pressure to finish a meal if I didn’t want to.

I grew up during the 70’s and 80’s as my username indicates 🙂

My parent were terrible for making my brother and I eat all our meals. We were made to eat the first course and then the pudding afterwards.

I sat for hours at the dining room table slowly eating either breakfast, lunch or dinner. It is an abiding memory of my childhood because it took most of my day up. As a result I was very under stimulated.

My mother used to be so furious with me that I was frequently sent to bed after lunch. I would actually lie on my bed sad and bewildered and not play in my bedroom.

This occurred for years I can remember being a toddler to my late teens being sneered and shouted at regarding eating too slowly, not wanting to eat enough and being ungrateful for her cooking.

My mother was always short tempered, quick to irritate, had very little patience. She was especially intimidating and menacing about our dietary intake.

She was always dieting so rarely sat at the table to eat with us instead she stood over us looking either angry or sarcastically smiling. Forcing us to eat the food by intimidation whilst only eating tiny morsels herself.

My mother was born at the beginning of the war so remembered rationing. However she was born into a life of amazing wealth and privilege and was treated like a princess by her family. She was of upper middle class stock and never wanted for anything. Looking at her family photos of her young life it’s amazing to think she became so harsh when she was so privileged and cherished.

It is interesting to remember that although she made me eat everything, if her and dad didn’t like the taste of certain things they wouldn’t eat them.

I view this behaviour as abusive and controlling and would never do it to my own children.

I was a child of the 80s and I was not allowed to leave the table without eating all my dinner. I do remember one pretty awful time whereby I didn't eat my dinner and my stepfather kept it for me to eat the next 3 nights. He also made me stand in the window and watch the other kids from our street get an ice cream from the ice cream van. My mother never stood up to him in this I must have been about 5 or 6. I know she told my grandparents and my grandad told my stepdad if he ever did that or laid a hand on me he would kill him. I still don't like that particular dinner!

I never considered that me starting this thread would end up with so many awful stories.

I have worked so hard to heal and move on from how I was treated by my adopted parents.

We have no contact but I wish them well.
They are old now but theyve missed so much. My kids have no relationship with them.

I was before that time and having to eat everything on your plate in order for everyone to leave the table was a thing. It wasn’t abusive, it was just the way it was back then. I still eat everything on my plate out of habit, whereas my kids stop when they have had enough.

No mine never done that but my grandfather use to leave me in the dining room for hours until id finished my huge adult portions of dinner. Jokes on him though as id usually feed it to the dogs when they eventually wandered in.

My parents made me empty my plate. I remember sitting there crying, night after night. My eldest sister tried to stick up for me, negotiating with my mum which probably made her life hard too. I had some disordered eating in my late teens, trying to exert some self control. I lived with dps parents straight after being at home, and on the first night his mum dished up something I wasn’t keen on. His mum noticed and said “you don’t have to eat it”… and I’m embarrassed to say I burst into tears . With my kids my mum has accused my son of being “bad” and my daughter being “good” when eating their dinner as my son is more finicky. She’s tried to force the food down them and I have immediately kicked off and put an end to that nonsense.

Born in 84. Didn't realise at the time as I thought it was normal. As an adult, I'm very aware just how abusive and dysfunctional my childhood was.

I had to clear my plate. We had the same food weekly, because it was meals my stepdad wanted to eat, and he took pleasure in it being foods we didn't like. I'd literally be at the table for hours. I'd get a slap if I even looked like I didn't like it. I'd cry constantly, quietly, because I knew better than to make noise. After, I'd always be sent straight to bed.

Most of the time I was so hungry. I volunteered to be a lunch marshall at school, helping to tidy tables and actually stealing edible leftover food. One of my most vivid memories, is a boy who had a muller corner yoghurt every day, and would only eat the fruit. I'd steal the pots and eat the yoghurt. Sometimes i'd get them out the bin. He caught me once doing that, and told everyone. I lived in fear of my patents finding out, as I knew I'd get a whack. They never did find out though.

@ihatethecold 🙂

That’s very interesting I was adopted as well!!!

@MrBoPeep

Utterly terrible. I’m so sorry x

[quote Angelina1972]@ihatethecold 🙂

That’s very interesting I was adopted as well!!![/quote]
Me too.

My parents didn't make me eat what I didn't like but it was common at school and when I was in hospital as a child. Yet legally, nobody has the right to make anyone eat something if they don't want to. I wish children had been empowered about such things in those days, nowadays it just would not happen.

Yes, similar happened to me. I think it's a combination of tough love type parenting in 80s and the hangover from them growing up post war and poverty when food was scarce so leaving food on a plate of a luxury that couldn't be afforded. It's not nice but I think being able to locate it and understand why it happened can take away some of the power it holds on you years later