Did other parents do this to their young kids in the 80's?

[ihatethecold]

When I was 4/5/6/ my mum would sit next to me at the dinner table if I was refusing to finish something on my plate. If I left my peas she would sit and bang the table rhythmically and say the Eat, Eat , Eat each time her hand hit the table. She didn't do this really loudly but she was persistent with it.

I remember hating it and trying to eat the food I'd left. One time she did this when she had made me scrambled eggs.
I couldn't eat it all so she started banging the table and saying Eat. I remember then finishing the food and 5 mins later I was sick everywhere.

This isn't/ wasn't ok was it?

Did other parents do this?

I never realised really how weird it was until I tell my kids things that used to happen to me.... They do comment that I had a weird abusive upbringing.

Ive had tons of therapy for what they put me through but i've never spoken about this in counselling.

This is terrible, OP and all the others on here who have suffered similar food peculiarities at the hands of adults. It is cruel and abusive. Full stop. And nothing to do with the 70s or 80s. I think there are always people who should not have access to children at all because they enjoy being cruel to them. My heart goes out to all the small children who were forced to eat and then became sick then or ill in later life. Such parents are monsters. to you all.

I grew up in the 70s 80s and there was never any food left on our plates :) 5 of us and prob not much money so we ate everything. I do remember my nana always trying to get me to eat cabbage and sprouts. But never force fed me.

My mum used to place a wooden spoon next to her plate at the head of the table. If we were not eating “properly” at the table she would pick up the spoon and hit our hand with it. She would only do this when our dad was not there. Also she would make me sit at the table for an hour if I didn’t like the dinner and refused to eat it. I would sit there crying until the hour was up.

Not like that no, but not allowed to leave the table until the plate was clear

I really sympathise. I also grew up in the 70s.
We weren't allowed to leave anything. We ate in the dining room, parents ate in the living room which we had to pass through with our empty plates. If there was anything on the plate we were sent back to finish it. No excuses. We often sat there for hours looking at the awful congealing food (DM was a really awful cook).
I loved going to friends houses for dinner. They got lovely food and didn't have to clear their plates. And they chatted together. (we had to eat in silence or really low whispers).
Although we had a dining room, we weren't remotely posh. Parents just didn't want to eat in the same room as us. That room should have been a much needed bedroom. Bonkers!

OP that is horrible. I’m so sorry.
These replies are shocking.
My parents never made me eat and I’m in my 60’s.
My dsis was forced to eat a meal at school and vomited over the stupid teacher’s shoes.
I’ve never forced my dc to clean their plates although I’ve encouraged them to eat a little more if I knew they had eaten the meal before and liked it.

My poor dil was made to eat everything on her plate and has issues around food.

It’s not generational, it’s abuse. None of these parents would have finished their own meal if they didn’t like it.

I remember the primary school headmaster thumping his son (a pupil) really hard in the upper back because he hadn't eaten all of enough (not sure) of his food (in his opinion). It was in front of the entire school.
Sometime in the 80s.

He also slapped my legs for being "cheeky" on at least one occasion that I can remember.

He is a prominent and "upstanding" member of the local church, always has been.

Actually looking back now, he thumped/punched him do hard in the upper back, he could have caused him a back injury.

No doubt that would have been ignored or glossed over too.

We had dinner ladies who saw it, I doubt a word was said.

He was the Head master and a man and a church stalwart so .... not to be questioned or criticised.

Awful stories on here. I think it was generational, doubt it would happen much now, our attitudes are so different. I went to a strict faith school and clearly remember holding a bit of gristle in my mouth and trying to swallow it with semolina and jam when I was around 8 and being very jealous of those who brought packed lunches in. In my mid 50's

No my mum didn't but we couldn't get down until we ate all our dinner (portions were the right size) non negotiable so we did even if that was 45 mins later

Actually when I think about it, between things like that (and we were always being threatened with caning etc though I know now I dint thinkmit was legal any longer) and my father's occasional behaviour at home ... I grew up thinking spontaneous extreme violence from adults, particularly men, was "normal" and to be glossed over.

Back on your experience/ability op, can't think of anything less relaxing and more stressful than your mum's behaviour.... it wouldn't be surprising when you're trying to eat or have had enough.

Wouldng be surprised if someone developed an issue with eating/food as a result.

I had very loving parents, but they'd been raised in the era of rationing and food shortages and they really couldn't bear waste, so we were strongly encouraged to clear our plates - either with the threat of no pudding, or being sent to our rooms, or having to sit there for ages (no drumming and chanting though). It was the same at school - the dinner ladies would sit with you until you finished, or until the bell went for afternoon lessons.

I don't view it as abusive. I think these parents and dinner ladies were coming at it from a combination of being genuinely appalled by the prospect of wasting food (in a way that we can't imagine, with our well-stocked supermarkets), and concern that children who left vegetables etc would become malnourished. Children of the 1980s and earlier were skinny compared to the ones we see today, children with rickets would have been a common sight in parents' living memories, and the devastating famines of Ethiopia and Biafra were in the news. I think the obsession with not wasting food was understandable, given the circumstances, even if the methods used to achieve this aim were a bit questionable in hindsight.

My dad was similar and I think it was because he was very poor when he was young.

School dinner ladies were similar and you would get yelled at if you didn’t eat everything.

I was told to stop coughing and eat my dinner. I ate it and then was sick. Turns out I had whooping cough. Oh how we used to laugh about that time I was forced to eat dinner but was sick….

No it’s not ok at all!
Parents shouldn’t force children to eat, I hate being told over and over again how people had to eat what they were given or they starved, no one should ever eat something they dislike!

My stepfather would stand over us, bang the table, thunder "EAT IT!" over and over again. My mother would say "you're going to eat it" repeatedly in a horrible, gleeful tone. Crying and gagging made no difference, other than that my mother would jeer, or my stepfather would thump the back of our heads.

Some of my worst memories are of my autistic younger brother being physically force-fed his own vomit.

Nothing to do with the 80s and everything to do with your mother. As pp says, she was either clueless or borderline abusive.

Oh and don't think such things don't happen now. I'll bet they still do, if less so.Not everyone is clued up and understands child development, or cares.There are enough sickening stories every other week to back that up, unfortunately.

Grew up in the 80’s. Didn’t have the banging plate but I was made to sit there for hours if I didn’t like something. Even if I’d eaten everything else on the plate it had to be finished.
Sometimes I would hear my parents programmes starting and finishing and I would still be in the dining room alone crying into a plate of cold carrots or whatever it was.

I remember in the 90s the dinner ladies in my primary school would make me stay behind and miss my break if I didn’t finish my school dinner, I used to squish my food up to make it look like I’d eaten some and I’d sneak some into tissues and put it in my pockets!

@Stickitupua

I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I had eaten all my vegetables.

I wasn't allowed to leave the table until my plate was cleared. Even if it took hours. I hated that. But we had good poverty so now I understand why.

Our kitchen table had a drawer on runners underneath. The drawer was missing but the runners were still there. I would hide my food on them, but came a cropper with cold peas and cold gravy

We had to clear the plate. Often sat at the table for what seemed like hours. Late 80s but my parents were older so postwar babies, old enough to have experienced rationing.

I was once sick everywhere after being forced (not physically) to finish my rice pudding.

My mother was borderline abusive in lots of ways though.

I went to boarding school in the 70s/80s. We had foul cooked lunches we weren't allowed to leave any. My parents never did anything like that though. I certainly didn't with my 90s born children and they are all excellent cooks with a healthy enjoyment of good healthy food.

I'm sorry your mum was like this OP.

I remember gagging on some of the school food. I'd forgotten

@ihatethecold

When I was 4/5/6/ my mum would sit next to me at the dinner table if I was refusing to finish something on my plate. If I left my peas she would sit and bang the table rhythmically and say the Eat, Eat , Eat each time her hand hit the table. She didn't do this really loudly but she was persistent with it.

I remember hating it and trying to eat the food I'd left. One time she did this when she had made me scrambled eggs.
I couldn't eat it all so she started banging the table and saying Eat. I remember then finishing the food and 5 mins later I was sick everywhere.

This isn't/ wasn't ok was it?

Did other parents do this?

I never realised really how weird it was until I tell my kids things that used to happen to me.... They do comment that I had a weird abusive upbringing.

Ive had tons of therapy for what they put me through but i've never spoken about this in counselling.

Please remember that the 80s saw one of the worst recessions in history. Many families, even if they didn't share it, struggled extensively. Lots of parents ate sparsely to afford to feed their children.

Now, that may not have been the case for you @ihatethecold but try to appreciate that the world was a very different place and if you were worried about food cost, paying bills, heating the home and having electricity etc. So wanting your child to eat probably came from a place of concern about the future and perhaps not knowing where the next meal came from.

In today's world, it would be viewed as emotionally abusive, but in those days that wouldn't have been the case. So I don't think that it's fair to judge by today's world. In the same way that you couldn't morally compare today with 100 years ago.