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Original poster

Did other parents do this to their young kids in the 80's?

174 replies

ihatethecold · 08/02/2022 15:23

When I was 4/5/6/ my mum would sit next to me at the dinner table if I was refusing to finish something on my plate. If I left my peas she would sit and bang the table rhythmically and say the Eat, Eat , Eat each time her hand hit the table. She didn't do this really loudly but she was persistent with it.

I remember hating it and trying to eat the food I'd left. One time she did this when she had made me scrambled eggs.
I couldn't eat it all so she started banging the table and saying Eat. I remember then finishing the food and 5 mins later I was sick everywhere.

This isn't/ wasn't ok was it?

Did other parents do this?

I never realised really how weird it was until I tell my kids things that used to happen to me.... They do comment that I had a weird abusive upbringing.

Ive had tons of therapy for what they put me through but i've never spoken about this in counselling.

OP posts:
Original poster
ihatethecold · 08/02/2022 17:53

This wasn't us @ChoiceMummy
we lived an ex pat life in Hong Kong.
We had a nice apartment, a Chinese maid and a boat to go on at the weekend.

They were very middle class

OP posts:
schnubbins · 08/02/2022 17:53

I was born in 1965 and i have a twin brother who was always a fussy eater ie he didn't like vegetables .He was made to eat them though and I remember sitting beside him at the table pleading with my parents to let him go but mostly he had to sit and clear his plate.we then developed a system whereby when my parents were not looking he would flick the veggies on to my lap and i would bring them away.He is still a fussy eater .My parents were otherwise really good so i do think it was a generational thing .I have never forced my kids to eat anything even though my oldest son was very picky when young .Now he eats everything.

lolololloo · 08/02/2022 17:59

This makes me so sad. I would never ever force my children to eat anything. I also believe it's abusive and stores problems for children when they are older with food. I encourage them to try new foods and will often put things (usually veg) on their plate which they haven't tried or said they don't like. But they never have to eat them. They are gently encouraged and then I respect what they say. Often, they have come to like a particular food after I have put it on the table several times or encouraged. But I would never ever force them, make them sit at the table etc. If they are full, that's fine. If they don't want to eat something, that's fine. Never had any problems as a result. Both DC eat plenty of fruit and veg and wide variety of foods and we don't have much waste.

Lindy2 · 08/02/2022 17:59

No. Nothing like that happened in our house.

Myself and DB were good eaters though. Leaving food uneaten really wasn't done as we didn't have much to spare so didn't waste what was cooked. My DDad had an allotment so we always had loads of fresh veg on our plates and it just got eaten without question.

What your DM did sounds very odd. Was she trying to encourage you to eat or to force you? A child not eating is very frustrating but banging on the table doesn't sound like a very good way to get someone to eat more.

Alcoh · 08/02/2022 18:02

I remember chewing and chewing and chewing on pieces of cheap chewy overcooked meat for hours and wasn’t allowed down from the table until all finished. And food in the 70s in working class Britain wasn’t that pleasurable.

Version4needsabitofwork · 08/02/2022 18:08

I once had to sit at the table for what seemed like hours because I couldn't force down the dinner provided. It was rabbit stew and it had been served to me after my own pet rabbit had died (don't think it was my rabbit they'd cooked to be fair). I was so upset I cried and cried sitting all alone at the table.

Food had to be eaten, whether you liked it or not. The dinner table was like a battle zone some nights and 40 years on I still struggle with eating disorders.

Solidarity to anyone else this sort of thing happened to.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 08/02/2022 18:11

I never did that to my DS in the 80s. If he didn't finish his food he didn't have to. That's pure abuse.
Why would you .are your child puke?

sadpapercourtesan · 08/02/2022 18:15

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

I never did that to my DS in the 80s. If he didn't finish his food he didn't have to. That's pure abuse. Why would you .are your child puke?
Some parents saw vomiting as a deliberate act of insubordination. Mine certainly did. Not just at mealtimes either. I remember my stepfather bellowing "don't you DARE be sick" just before I puked into the footwell of his car.
Notsuchaniceguy · 08/02/2022 18:17

DW and I have memories of such things. Both born mid 60s. DWs step dad made her eat her own sick after she threw up after a meal she was forced to eatFFS. My mum would lose her shit if I didn't eat but usually only when she was very drunk and my dad wasn't around. At my second rate prep school we had to clear our plates - not clear meant you missed all of lunch break and your parents were told.

And for all the bullshit from our parents that it was about starving kids and remembering the war they damn well knew it was wrong because it never happened in front of others. And it doesn't happen at our friends' houses either.

Original poster
ihatethecold · 08/02/2022 18:18

Thankfully I am the complete opposite when it comes to my kids eating.
I've always told them to eat what they want. They eat well and like vegetables.

OP posts:
Notsuchaniceguy · 08/02/2022 18:19

@Notsuchaniceguy

DW and I have memories of such things. Both born mid 60s. DWs step dad made her eat her own sick after she threw up after a meal she was forced to eatFFS. My mum would lose her shit if I didn't eat but usually only when she was very drunk and my dad wasn't around. At my second rate prep school we had to clear our plates - not clear meant you missed all of lunch break and your parents were told.

And for all the bullshit from our parents that it was about starving kids and remembering the war they damn well knew it was wrong because it never happened in front of others. And it doesn't happen at our friends' houses either.

Didn't not doesn't. Although it doesn't happen amongst our friends who have not yet adult kids.
ClaudineClare · 08/02/2022 18:20

I was a child of the 60s/70s. The uptight weirdness around children and food was pretty standard, it just varied between families

I don't think that is true at all. I am from that era too. My parents never made a big thing of how much we did or didn't eat and never forced us to eat things we hated, even though we were not well off and could not afford to waste food. They were both good cooks though, so food was generally lovely.

ClaudineClare · 08/02/2022 18:22

DWs step dad made her eat her own sick after she threw up after a meal she was forced to eatFFS

That is so awful, your poor DW.

Hen2018 · 08/02/2022 18:24

Yes, all sorts of things like that. I also had my nose pinched shut so they could force feed me.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 08/02/2022 18:27

No that sounds awful but my mum was very much a Not leaving the table until everything is eaten . Which looking back was terrible, just serve smaller portions !
She tries to start on ds , as soon as he has plate in front of him it's " if you eat it all up you can have chocolate cake after " , and non stop coaching him throughout his meal .
I just tell her to stop and Ds is not up for bribery anyway , he knows he can have chocolate cake at home if he wants . I don't use food as a reward.
Some older women do act very strangely around what others eat

Fastforwardtospring · 08/02/2022 18:29

I was made to clear my plate and still do to this day, I have to be really full up to leave anything, am sure it’s because I was made to eat it all when I was younger, mum didn’t beat on the table though! My DC are allowed to leave food as long as they eat their veg and not be hungry for treats later on.

LadyLolaRuben · 08/02/2022 18:34

Im sorry OP, little you must have dreaded meal times. Well done in all your therapy and coming through the other side. I hope it doesn't haunt you too much Flowers

Theoldcuriosityshop · 08/02/2022 18:38

No, never. I was born in the 40s and never had this done to me. I had mine in the 70s and wouldn't have dreamt to do this at mealtimes. Nothing to do with which decade it was in, it was just your parents being awful.

KohlaParasaurus · 08/02/2022 18:40

I remember school dinners being about sitting alone in the dining hall after everyone else had left, swinging my legs and scowling at a plate of concealing gristly stew, lumpy mash and watery cabbage while a grumpy prefect went, "Eat up! Eat up! Eat UP!" at me.

I wasn't physically force fed but there was a lot of emotional blackmail (starving children in Africa, mother saying she was going to run away because she was so upset that I wouldn't eat the lovely meat loaf she had made with her own hands). I believe it was quite common for parents in the 1960s to use coercive feeding practices.

cptartapp · 08/02/2022 18:48

I was born early 70's. Not the banging, but we had to sit at the table heaving and finish what we didn't like. Still don't eat fish or liver to this day.

Goldenbunny · 08/02/2022 19:00

If we Didn't eat our meal we was served. we would get served what ever was left over for our next meal.
I was about 8 and my dad pinned down to the floor and force fed me rabbit I vomited all over him he never tried to force feed me again

Knackeredmommy · 08/02/2022 19:02

My mum would expect us to finish everything on our plates. I spent many evenings sitting at the table with a cold plate of food.

ProfYaffle · 08/02/2022 19:14

I grew up poor and working class in the 70s and 80s. I was very much aware of food waste and felt guilty if I didn't eat something. I remember my parents getting frustrated and snappy if anything went uneaten but there was nothing like you describe.

IsItTooHotInHere · 08/02/2022 19:22

My kids were born in 1981 and 1984. I've never heard of such a thing. I certainly didn't do it, and don't know of anyone who did/does it

Tamworth123 · 08/02/2022 19:30

@ihatethecold

This wasn't us *@ChoiceMummy* we lived an ex pat life in Hong Kong. We had a nice apartment, a Chinese maid and a boat to go on at the weekend.

They were very middle class

So funny (not) how you'll always get a poster on here justifying or minimising the unjustifiable.

Your Mum sounds bat shit.