My partner doesn't want children.

[Miller203]

I really need some advice, im so confused and feel lost as ever.

So me and my partner have been together for a year now, we have our home and ive never felt safer and settled. We discussed having children at the beginning of our relationship, he said he wasn't sure but he'd think about it.

We've spoken about this three times since, the second time he said he's tried his hardest but still doesn't want children, he then mentioned adoption

The third time he said no to adoption and still doesn't want children, or wanting to be a father.. I asked him why and he said he didn't have a reason, then he'd have a good think about it and say.. the world is getting worse, the world is too over populated and he doesn't want to have to worry all time incase something bad happens.

A few weeks back he ended our relationship because he said he couldn't give me what I want in the future.
I then broke down and chose him over having a child. Now I feel more confused and lost as ever because I've finally found someone who i want to marry and spend the rest of my life with but he can't give me what I want.

Any advice would be appreciated.

OP, there is not just 1 single solitary 'perfect' partner for anyone on the planet, or even in a single town or city ffs !

Get rid of this fantasy that he is the only one for you !

He's NOT 'perfect' for you ! Because he doesn't want the same thing you do !

He's the selfish bastard that would demand that you have an abortion if an accidental pregnancy happened ! Instead of taking his own ability to have kids (i.e a vasectomy), he's demanding that you undergo an abortion ffs !!

It's quite clear that he's simply not interested in having kids with you, rather than not interested in ever having kids !

Leave him now, so that you can find a 'perfect' partner, who wants the same things you do, and stop wasting time on this selfish, arrogant man child, who is actually making you miserable with his 'maybe's' ffs !!

@sammylady37 completely agree.

And the PP comment about the OP’s boyfriends heart ‘being too small to love children’ is seriously offensive

That said, OP, don’t give up your desire to have a child if that’s what you really want. Leave and find someone who’s life choices match yours. Doesn’t mean your boyfriend is a bad bloke, just that he’s not your right bloke.

You want children, he doesn't. So this was never going to work. The fact you refused to see that is worrying.

Leading onto the fact that you say that you've never been treated well. This is very worrying. Are you having counselling to work on all of this and improve your self esteem?

To all the PP's who are saying ''He's entitled to not want kids''

Yep, he sure is.

But what he's not 'entitled' to do is to demand that his partner take responsibility for any accidental pregnancy and undergo a termination !!

If HE'S so against parenthood, and has decided for himself that it's NOT something he wants, then he needs to be taking steps to ensure it never happens, NOT the OP !

But, lo and behold, he DOESN'T organise a vasectomy for himself, does he ????

He just pushes 100% responsibility onto the OP ! (As well as making sure that HE holds 'all the cards' and can keep 'dangling the carrot' of 'maybe' !!)

Because he's NOT against having kids, he's just a nasty and manipulative bastard !

And the PP comment about the OP’s boyfriends heart ‘being too small to love children’ is seriously offensive angry

@LeQuern
Oh wow. I missed that gem. Repulsive.

[quote noirchatsdeux]@Aaaabbbcccc My father didn't want children. My mother 'oopsed' him (after telling him when they met - he was only 18 - that she couldn't have children - obviously a lie). This was late 60s, she was Roman Catholic so no question of abortion. They had two more before he could get a vasectomy.

He hated being a father, and gave family life up completely to work abroad when I was 10. So no, not everyone who doesn't want children, but ends up with them is 'glad they did'.[/quote]
I am not talking about deception - I am talking about the person who doesn’t want them exploring why before making a final decision.

My best friend was in this position and reluctantly agreed to not having children as she was so in love. 15 years into their marriage she realised she really did want children and this time he reluctantly agreed. They had two children quite quickly and when the youngest was a baby he left her for an older childless woman, citing the children as one of the reasons.
Clearly that wasn't the only reason but was a major part of him looking elsewhere. He's been pretty much absent as a father since (this was 15 years ago now!).
My sister and first husband split as she wanted DC2 and he refused and she couldn't live with it - sadly never had the opportunity to have another child with anyone else whereas her exH went on to have 2 more
It's one thing you cannot compromise on, unfortunately. I'd have to leave. You're still very young and there will be someone out there who wants the same as you do from life.
You say it's the first relationship where you've been treated well and this is the clincher for me. It won't be the last, remember that

Better to end it now, Op. It's very sad but if being a mother is something you know you want in the future, you will only be setting yourself up for heartache and misery in the future if you stay.

Advice would be to let him go.
You're only 28 and there is someone who will want the same things you do.

We were already friends, I knew him before we got together, nothing was rushed.
I mean im talking about children when I'm 30 or something, but he will not change his mind. He also said that he didnt want to be born/didnt want to be here when he was a child and he's worried incase our child will think like that..

My stepdad knows everything and he said it looks like the relationship is gonna come to and end, he confused why he thinks like that. He shouldn't be negative about it and that he's wasted my time.

I think I panicked when I told him I chose him over having children, because I'm scared of being alone and that ill never find anyone like him, I know he can be brutal and when he said id have to have an abortion if I accidentally fall pregnant, I was very upset as he can't force me to.

Thanks for all your comments. I think im gonna have to be the brave one here